The news had come hard and fast in my fourth year. My mother was on the other end of the line. The warden came past the cell at noon on a stinking hot Merced day.
“You got a phone call, Winters. Your mother is on the line. You got half an hour for the call. C’mon and step out.”
My mama never called. She just came on her regularly scheduled days like clockwork. She always had the same hairstyle: a shaggy salt and pepper bob with bangs that she got cut at the same place all the time. She never complained. My mother was the strong but silent type. She was tall, wispy, and strong. I guessed that’s where I got my height from because Pops was small, wiry, and athletic. They were an odd couple, but they sure as hell knew how to run an abundant farm.
As I walked out, a strange sensation came over me. When I picked up the payphone on the wall, I knew why. I had the phone cord linked around my fingers. Her weeping made it hard for me to talk to her. I hated the thought of my mama in pain. She’d toiled long and hard all her life, and taking over the farm was the least I could do to ease the burden.
“Mama. What’s wrong? Quit crying and tell me.”
“Anna. It’s Anna.” She could barely get the words out as the ugly cries filtered through the other end of the line. “She’s gone.”
My mouth dropped open, and I blinked rapidly, not sure of what I’d just heard. “Come again? Who’s gone? What do you mean, Anna’s gone?”
“She—she couldn’t do it anymore, I guess, son. She overdosed on heroin. I found her with a needle in her arm. Bella was there. I made sure she didn’t see it. I promise you. She didn’t see it. God, Colt, it was awful.”
I slumped down the wall. “No. You’re lying. Tell me you’re lying. Bella…Anna. No, Mama.”
“Son, I’m so sorry.” My mother’s distress and pain vibrated in every syllable that rolled off her tongue.
“What am I going to do?” My face screwed up in agony, and anger ripped through me in a million different ways. My heart broke like shattered glass hitting the floor.
“I have to go. I have to pick Bella up from school. I will see you on Tuesday, and we can talk more then. The police are coming, too. She just couldn’t live without you. You were her anchor.”
“Mama. Please. Stay on the line. Mama. How did she? When did she do this?”
“I didn’t tell you. I thought it best. She was trying to get clean. She tried. She really did.”
Anger, despair, rage, and an acute sense of grief took me over as my mama changed her tone and delivered the final blows. But I knew. I just didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to ask. The sunken black eyes were evident every time Anna came to visit. I saw it in her visible collarbone jutting out on both sides and her shaky, bony fingers. I was just happy to see her and to know that someone was by Bella’s side. Maybe if I’d said something, she could have gotten help. I could have saved her. But I didn’t. I just smiled at her through the perspex glass and gave her a kiss goodbye every time she came. I let her die.
I held on to that in my heart for a long time.
Now I had the chance to set the record straight, once and for all. I had a mission of vengeance for a worthy cause.
Four
Amber
I struggled to open my car door when I left the prison. I walked out into the Merced sun, dazed and confused about what I’d just witnessed. The lump in my throat was firmly lodged as I threw my paperwork and purse onto the front seat. Oh hubba, hubba what a hunk of a man. He belonged in a magazine with that chiseled jaw and those delicious toned, sinewy arms. Lucy had been right. If she only knew how much.
I hoped the flush of hot lust didn’t show on my face too much when I met him. I made every attempt to keep everything professional. Even the way his lips moved as he talked turned me on. The whole fifteen-minute car ride back to the office, all I saw was those iceberg-blue eyes. From the way his eyes mowed me down, I figured the feelings of attraction were mutual. Then again, the guy had been cooped up with men for the last four and a half years.
I parked in my usual spot. I fluffed my hair and took a tissue to my face and between my boobs to wipe the sweat away. Some of the heat, however, didn’t just come from the sun. I sauntered into the office, welcoming the cool of the air conditioning. I snuck into my desk. I didn’t want Lucy to hound me about the visit. I feared I would give myself away if she saw my face.
I shuffled and played with the paperwork on my desk for way too long. I had a pile of reports to check in with. First, I needed some tea to calm my racing heart down. Colt Winters. Amber Winters. It had a nice ring to it. I shook off the thought of last names and headed to the break room kitchen. I had my phone with me. I glanced at it briefly as it went off with a text. It was my little brother, Hector. What did he want?
I hummed joyfully to myself and made a cup of instant coffee. That prison visit had me in the right mood. I finished pouring my coffee and snuck a few cookies from the staff jar. I bit into the chocolatey goodness and read my text.
Call me. I have something urgent to tell you.
A troubled frown came over my face. Uh-oh. I put my two hands on either side of the counter and hung my head a little. My brother Hector was only twenty-five years old and had already served one year at USP Atwater for assault and armed robbery. Luckily, he took a plea bargain to reduce his sentence. He broke the code and snitched on a couple of people, but he did the right thing in my mind. He survived. The memory of me picking him up from Atwater flashed through my mind.
The first thing I told him was, “Stay out of trouble. You’ve done your time now. You’re on twelve months probation and two hundred hours of community service. You have to keep your nose clean.”
He’d given me a sloppy kiss on the side of my face and hugged me. I’d wiped it off in disgust. “Love you, Amber. Thanks for holding it down.”
“You’re welcome, and I’m so glad you’re home. I love you.” My heart felt lighter now that he was home, but given the text message I’d just received, it was starting to shrink again.
I took my cup of coffee and cookies out back, away from prying eyes and ears.
