“You were never home and I was lonely.” Catarina’s sad eyes filled with tears, staring back at me. The irony was that I was working hard as a mechanic at my local garage trying to make ends meet. Catarina worked as a secretary in a doctor’s office. The divorce sucked the life right out of me. Then add the drain on my little bank account and you could say I received the ultimate uppercut. After that, I vowed never to be committed again.
“I heard you're looking for members? I’m in, if you’ll have me.” That was the moment I joined the Outlaw Souls. Six years ago to the day and I never looked back. A brotherhood that would never abandon me, so I couldn’t abandon them. I would support my fellow riders to the death.
Belly full and with a new resolve, I briefly looked over Merced on my phone. It was close to college campuses and the nearby Yosemite park. Good places to take day rides to.
I rode into Merced, California on a candy-coated sunset two and a half hours later to start my new life and a new chapter.
TWO
MISTY
The size of a clenched fist. The one muscle that does all the work. The illustrious aorta and master of the pulmonary valve function. The door to the lower heart chamber, allowing the pulmonary artery to do its work, pumping blood through the body.
My vision was blurring because of all the back and forth over the textbook pages. I was tired from trying to absorb information and retain it for my upcoming test. I was getting back to basics first and revisiting my knowledge of myocardial infarctions. In layman's terms, the heart attack. I was knee-deep in the study zone with anatomy books spread open to various pages at my study desk in my room. The sun streamed through my curtains, making it a little more bearable. My mug of strong coffee helped that along as well.
Funny that scientists say the heart holds more intelligence than the brain. It’s the epicenter of the body. If my heart had such intelligence, why was I always getting stabbed in it? It made me think of Carlos. I raised my head up from my books, giving myself an eye break, and sipped on my coffee. The guy was a heartbreaker and dream killer – that was what I called him. The suave Mexican with jet-black hair, chiseled face, and well-toned physique. He was older than me by three years. I didn’t know any better when he wormed his way into my life.
“Hey, pretty lady. You’re waiting on your brother, right?” That silky voice entered my ears while I waited on Palo outside the clubhouse to give me a ride to my friend's house. When I looked at him, I thought he was mesmerizing. I thought he was a god. My first mistake.
We dated from the tender age of twenty-three on the low for three long years. He was part of the fucked-up motorcycle club – Las Balas. I shook my head at my stupidity as I listened to the birds chirp. As the hands of fate would have it, he left later down the track after we broke up. From that point on, I wanted nothing to do with Las Balas. Hard to deal with because my brother was involved with them, heavy.
“El Diablo’s gone now. I can run the club the right way now.” My older brother Palo had his sights set on being the next head of the club. He’d been riding with Las Balas a long time.
“I don’t want nothing to do with the club. All that criminal activity is what Carlos was involved in. I’m studying to be a doctor and you need to keep that shit out of the house.” My limits had been reached. The destruction and bloodshed that Las Balas caused was common knowledge to those in the know. I used to live with Carlos and got caught up in the lifestyle he provided. The cars, the shopping, the dinners and the sex. All that money could buy. Except that it couldn’t make him keep his dick in his pants. I didn’t know the extent of the cheating until we broke up.
It was exposed one night when I was out with my study partners from campus. Another Spanish chica approached me at a local bar.
“Ola. I see what he likes.” Her long dark hair swung as she walked. She had olive skin and wore a skintight dress. I was halfway wasted at the time so I was paying little attention to her.
“What?” I slurred back at her.
“You Carlos’s girl?” The bar was cranking and I was ready to get back out on the dance floor with my girls and this payasa was scanning me. Up and down. Up and down.
“Used to be. Not anymore.” I could barely focus. I was that drunk. I was hanging on to the bar for support, laughing like a hyena. All I knew at that point was having fun. A damn good time in fact.
“I had him.” She wiggled her manicured hand in my face. Then I watched as she turned and sashayed away. That happened a lot during the relationship, not just after the fact. But every time, Carlos sweet-talked me back off the ledge.
“Baby, she’s lying. You can’t believe nothing these chicas say.” The pleading, the begging, and the puppy dog eyes. I somehow managed to take him back every time.
“No, it wasn’t like that! I gave her a kiss on the cheek.” He would always hunch his shoulders up like I was attacking him when I accused him. “You didn’t see what you thought you saw.” Toxic screaming matches followed pretty quickly after that. Some involved me throwing plates at his head. Blame it on my hot Spanish blood.
“Estúpido!” So the cycle continued where I cried and Carlos would wine and dine me right out of my clothes. Things would go back to being good for a few months. Like nothing happened.
“When you finish med school, you and I can get married. We can have a family.” The guy was a compulsive liar and fed lies like cotton candy to every woman he met.
Then I would inevitably hear through the grapevine that he was together with other girls. The last straw was when I caught him red-handed. I walked into the bedroom. I had to adjust my eyes at first. It was as if they didn’t want to absorb what they were witnessing. A slender girl riding on top of him, moaning in the middle of the act. In our bedroom. My heart fell apart right then and there. Our sheets soiled by this heifer. Cheated on more times than I could remember.
I let out a deep sigh at the memory. Carlos, with his swarthy looks, was one that my brother actually approved of. And he didn’t approve of many. So I left. Packed right in the middle of the night.
“Don’t leave! We can work this out! It’s not a big deal, my heart is with you.”
The texts and phone calls came for weeks, trying to win me back. And that was how I ended up living at the other end of my brother’s house. My brother got on my nerves sometimes so I thought it best to get my own place in due course.
“I feel responsible,” Palo said when I wept in his arms. “You should come live with me for a while ’till you get back on your feet.”
I wasn’t going to live with my parents. I wanted peace and quiet to study. They were never quiet over there. After that, let’s just say the next time I saw Carlos out he had a black eye. My brother Palo had fixed him up and told him to stop calling me. For the most part, he was protective over me.
“I want you to finish medical school. That’s what you wanted to do. Follow your dreams,” he told me.
