Olivier could be outside the door. He could be lurking around, waiting to hurt me for good.
“Cassie, please. You’re not making sense. Do you need money to get home, is that it?”
I sigh, hearing the judgment in his question. My days of asking him for money are far behind me, but I can’t explain everything to him now.
In the closet, I quickly flick things off the hangers. A few of them dangle before falling with a clatter. I run back into the room and start stuffing clothes into my suitcase. I bought all this with my own money—the trendy dresses, the designer shoes, the Chanel! They all think I’m worthless. Good for nothing. But look at this! It’s all mine and I’m not leaving without it.
“Darren,” I say, buttoning up my jeans. “If something happens to me—”
“You’re going to be fine.”
“He drugged me!” I jam the last pile of dirty clothes in before zipping my bag closed. “He’s out to get me.”
Darren lets out a sigh. “Look, I never liked the guy, his smirky face and that goatee. But why would he do that?”
“I’m telling you he wants to kill me. Please believe me.”
“You’re scaring me,” Darren says softly.
“Ohyou’rescared? I need you to know, in case something happens to me. In case I don’t make it home.”
I put on my sneakers, lacing them so tight I can feel the blood flow cut off on top of my feet.
“You told me he was fine with you two splitting up,” he says, lowering his voice even further.
I sit back on the bed, pressing the palms of my hands against my temples, trying to calm myself. “It’s not true, okay? He’s not fine with us splitting up. He won’t let me go. I can’t explain everything right now but—”
I can’t explain for many reasons, including the fact that it doesn’t quite make sense to me. Not long after we arrived home, Olivier started to disappear for hours on end. Back in the city, he’d told me how special I was, how deeply he’d fallen for me. Now he seemed to only care about putting on a good face when we’d meet with the immigration officer. Darren didn’t seem to be taking the bait, and I was trying hard to forget I’d married a total stranger, all for nothing. I started to think about calling the whole thing off, but before that, I had one more idea: the sudden proposal, the ring, the trip to Paris.
That changed everything. With Olivier, at least. The morning after, it was like we were back in New York. He was happy. It was all about me again. Olivier made me coffee and toast with peanut butter. He’d set up a little tray and carried it to my room before I was even up.
I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Olivier said, sitting close to me on the bed,and I want you to know I don’t take it for granted. He had dark circles under his eyes, like he’d been pondering this all night.You have all this money and this house, and I think you should protect yourself. I shouldn’t have any right to it. It’s not mine.
It’snotyours, I’d agreed, before taking a sip of my coffee.
That’s my point, Cassie. We’re already legally married. If something happened to you… He’d trailed off, looked away.
The idea made me feel queasy, but the guy had a point.
You don’t have a living parent anymore, Olivier said sadly, like he felt sorry for me,but there’s your sister.
I’d frowned.Where is this coming from? Did she say something to you?
I don’t talk to her,Olivier said, like he was offended by the thought of her.You know I don’t. And I only care about you. You saved me, Cassie. I don’t ever want you to think I’m taking advantage of you.
He was right. There was no way he should get everything. The next day, when I called my father’s lawyer, I’d resented having to put Taylor’s name down. But I told myself it was a security thing, a grown-up thing. I was proud of myself. When I told Olivier I’d done it, he looked so relieved. Like he’d accomplished his job of keeping me safe. Of doing right by me. At least that’s what I thought was happening.
“But what, Cassie?” Darren says impatiently. “Why are you so sure your own husband wants to hurt you?”
That’s when I see it again, the bottle of sleeping pills, partially hidden by the alarm clock. I unscrew the cap—and it’s almost empty. I didn’t take that many. Not by choice anyway.
My throat feels like it’s closing up. “He tried to kill me. Can you please trust me, this one time?”
A few seconds pass before he responds. “Fine. Let’s get you out of there. Call me as soon as you’re in the taxi.”
But I still hear it in his voice: he won’t fight for me. Like he didn’t when I came back from the city, or when I dangled my engagement ring in his face, or when he came to the wedding. I’m all alone, aren’t I? This is the hard truth. I’m an orphan. No one understands me or what I’ve gone through. No one even knows why Olivier and I got married. I don’t even really know myself. I didn’t have to do this. I brought this all on myself and now I can’t get out of it. A wave of nausea hits me and I have to rush to the bathroom.
I may be all packed up and ready to leave, but somehow I’m not sure I’ll make it out of this hotel alive.
