My heart stops.
“That’s what it says,” Louis continues. “ ‘I love you’ in dozens of languages. This is the ‘Mur des je t’aime,’ and I think it’s a pretty good contender for the most romantic spot in Paris.”
My heart starts beating again. In fact, it knocks against my chest at a rapid-fire pace, while my mind is trying to deal with what IthoughtLouis just said to me, and how much I wanted to hear it.
“So?” Louis asks, gently shoving me. “Do you like it? I think it’s cool.”
I take a deep breath. I can feel Louis tense next to me. “I love it,” I say.
He doesn’t say anything for a moment or two, and just looks into my eyes, breathing slowly.
Je t’aime.That’s what I really wanted to say. But I’m too chicken to do it, too scared to deal with the consequences of my leaving Paris—and Louis—in just a few days. But Iamdefinitely a bit braver than I was when I arrived here. So I pull him toward me, and, before I can think any more about what I should have said or what I want to say, I stand on the tops of my toes and brush my face against his. Then I kiss him for all the world’s “I love you’s” to see.
TODAY IS THEday. The end of the program and the start of a new life. In between: showtime! Costumes, music, and the entire cast performingSwan Lakefrom curtain to curtain for a very special audience.
The magnitude of what I’ve accomplished in the last weeks hits me even harder when Audrey and I arrive at school. As the leads, we’re given our own dressing room to get ready, away from the commotion of thecorps de ballet.For the first time in my life, I feel truly special, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’ve worked hard. I rehearsed for hours and hours and hours. I want to believe that, whatever happens today, I will have no regrets.
Audrey and I sit in total silence next to each other, facing our own mirrors. I apply a thick layer of foundation, glittery eyeshadow across my lids, but when I try to move on to lipstick, my hand shakes too much.
The apprentice program director for ABT is going to be in that room. My lifelong dream is up for the making…or breaking.
Audrey shoots me a glance in the mirror. “You got this,” she says firmly. “You’re ready.”
My bottom jaw trembles, and I have to put my lipstick down. I can’t steady my hands. “What if I’m not? Or what if I am and it’s still not enough?”
Audrey takes a deep sigh. “I can’t let you freak me out.”
She gets up and starts pacing the room, her chest rising and falling with every breath. “You think I’m not scared about what’s going to happen in there?”
I sigh, words catching in my throat. We stare at each other for a moment, tension thickening the air between us.
“Wait!” I say, suddenly. “I have an idea.”
I grab my phone and pull up my music app.
As the first few notes fill the room, Audrey shakes her head. “You’re kidding me,” she says, but a smile forms on her lips.
It’s salsa music, a memory from when I taught Audrey Chapman a thing or two about chilling out.
I get up and take Audrey’s hands in mine. She rolls her eyes, but doesn’t resist me as I attempt the few steps she performed that night by the Seine. One foot forward, one foot back…we quickly fall in sync. Audrey lifts my hand and makes me spin. Then I do it to her, too. When the song ends, we fall back on our chairs laughing.
“Thanks, Mia.”
“For what?” I say with a smirk.
“For being you.”
Of my friends, Lucy and Anouk are the first to take the stage. I give them each a warm hug before they go, just behind the curtains. “You will be great,” I say with a huge smile.
“You better be right,” Lucy jokes. Anouk crosses her fingers with a nervous grimace, and then they’re off. After that it’s Fernando’s turn, and, finally, Audrey’s. She sighs and gives me a nod as she watches for her cue. I take her hands in mine, and we just look into each other’s eyes, silently sharing our strengths and our determination to make today our best performance yet. The spotlight can only be on one of us at a time, but we’re in this together.
For the first two acts of the ballet, I watch from the wings, trying to simply enjoy the show. I force myself not to peek at the audience. I don’t want to see the look on the apprentice program directors’ faces. I don’t even know which one is from ABT. What happens now has already been decided, I’m sure of it. I beam as the “Dance of the Four Little Swans” begins. Like many people, it’s one of my favorite parts of the ballet. The four beautiful swans dance seamlessly together, sweeping across the stage from right to left, while our small orchestra plays one of the most recognizable songs of all time. It’s a beautiful, delicate moment, the calm before the storm brought about by…well, me.
Just before it’s my turn to make my entrance, I take a deep breath and send a kiss up to the sky, in the direction of Élise Mercier.
Thank you, I think. I hope you’re watching, because you, as much as anyone else, got me here. I stretch into a fewpliés,feeling incredibly happy. This is what I want. No matter how many times I might find myself in this exact position in the future—ready to take the stage as one of the greatest roles in ballet—I will never take it for granted. I will treat each performance as my last, enjoy every minute, and give it absolutely everything I have.
And I do.
