‘Besides, I think we have sort of missed the boat with the whole first date and let’s get to know each other properly phase.’ He takes my fingertips in his. ‘All I know is that since the moment we met, it has been like stepping on to an out-of-control rollercoaster. And even though I have no idea what’s coming… I have no desire to get off.’
A warmth radiates throughout my entire body as I realise what he’s saying. He pulls me towards him just as there’s a loud thumping at the door.
I jump a mile.
Matteo marches to the door. My heart is in my mouth as he checks the peephole and swings the door open. ‘Come in, ladies. My wife has been expecting you. Make yourselves at home,’ he says as they all troop in. ‘Minibar is that way. There’s champagne in the ice bucket. Toilet for throwing up is that way. I’ll see you all later.’
They all stop dead in their tracks.
‘You’re staying married?’ Cherry asks.
‘As in legally hitched?’ Big Mand says.
‘You’re twanging the marital garter?’ says Tash.Makes no sense.‘Flashing the wedding knickers?’Makes less sense.‘Fondling the wedding giblets?’Borderline unnecessary.But Sister Kevin is finding her hilarious.
‘Are you sure, both of you?’ Liberty asks.
Matteo pauses in the doorway to make eye contact with me. My face flames. I give him a shy nod. Raw emotion flickers across his face, detectable only by me. ‘Yes, we are,’ he says and closes the door.
Cherry swirls round. ‘Fuck me, Connie. Imagine ringing those wedding bells every night for the rest of your life. Lucky cow.’
* * *
Somehow, we all manage to stay focused as we run through the rehearsal for the birthday party. Practising the Hot Garbage finale has cost me a bedside lamp, Sister Kevin’s glass of beer (kicked clean out of his hand) and a curtain rail. Liberty had mistakenly assumed it would hold her full weight as she grabbed hold of the curtain while coming out of a complex upside-down splits routine. Finally, after two solid hours, we stop for a quick break while we all scroll through our phones. I have no messages from Matteo, but I do have one from Ged and Liam posted to our private group chat. They are asking if I am absolutely certain that staying married to Matteo is what I want. I send them a video note back because I’m too excited to think straight, never mind text.
‘I know it sounds crazy,’ I say, quivering with the effort of trying to control a face-splitting grin, ‘but I just feel like my best self whenever I’m with him. For the first time in my life, I feel brave and reckless and… like I just want to skip everywhere because I’m so bursting with joy. And it’s so scary but at the same time…’ A brief glance behind me indicates I have a rapt audience as the Dollz eavesdrop, keen to understand why I’ve suddenly become so talkative and expressive. ‘…but at the same time, deep down, it’s hard to describe but I just know it’s meant to be. Because I feel a sort of calm. Like my mother sent him to me. To help me. He’s like a dazzling light guiding me out of the dark place I’ve been in for so long.’
I press send and turn round to see why there is such a silence. The Dollz are standing staring at me. Big Mand, famously unemotional and detached because of her job of yanking babies from the often-torn vaginas of overanxious mothers, has tears streaming down her face. Cherry is also sniffing and wiping her wet cheeks. Liberty is sniffing hers up, dabbing her eyes as she tries not to smudge her mascara. Even Sister Kev has a slack jaw as he gives Tash a pensive look.
There’s a loud knock at the door, making us all jump.
‘It’s Hank!’ shrieks Tash. ‘He’s come to get rid of all the witnesses.’
Cherry, snapping to attention, is cool as a cucumber now she’s back to her sane self. ‘We haven’t witnessed anything, pet.’
‘Kev!’ Tash yells. ‘You go.’
Sister Kevin looks pleased to be of some use and strides to the door. He yanks it open, chest first, ready for some confrontation. ‘Connie. It’s the dry-clean service. I guess it’s your wedding dress.’ He carries a big plastic suit bag over his arm and lays it out on the bed. We take a moment to ooh and ahh over the dress, visible through the clear plastic.
‘It’s so pretty,’ says Cherry. ‘But I’d have gone for a more off-white if I were you.’
‘Hmmm,’ says Liberty, running her hand lightly over it. ‘And maybe something a bit more fun? In silk? With a cowgirl theme?’
‘No,’ says Tash. ‘It definitely should have been more princessy. More showstopper. More underskirts. The more the better. Don’t you think so, Kev, hun?’
Sister Kev visibly swallows, like a giant mouse caught in a trap. ‘I like it. It’s elegant and understated.’
‘Connie, babe,’ she says, swiftly ignoring what he just said. ‘If you’d bothered to include us in your top secret plans, we could have helped style you up.’
‘And she’d never have been able to reach a decision in time,’ says Big Sue diplomatically. ‘So, it’s just as well they sloped off in secret. I totally get it.’
Big Mand’s cheeks flush. ‘I mean, it’s not like we have to tell each other every single blinking thing, do we?’
Before we can debate this startling revelation, there’s another thump on the door.
‘Christ, we’ll never get ready in time at this rate,’ moans Liberty. ‘Part of me wishes it was Hank so that we can just get this over with.’
Our nerves are in shreds.
