Liberty embraces me and turns to the boys. ‘We are going to have the best freakin’ time of our lives!’
Ged and Liam instantly dish out the hugs. Even Cherry allows them close. When they approach Big Mand and Big Sue, there’s an awkward moment. A lump forms in my throat as I see an expression of deep remorse cross the faces of my best friends. They didn’t mean to out them. They really didn’t.
Big Sue takes in a sharp breath. ‘I knew this day might come. It’s happened sooner than I’d have liked but…’ Big Mand takes her hand. ‘Taylor has helped us see that if we aren’t being our authentic selves… if we present a version of ourselves to the world that isn’t us… then we’re not really living in the moment.’
‘We’re not allowing ourselves to enjoy life as it could be, because it’s all premeditated and fake.’ Big Mand is gazing up at Big Sue with a loving expression.
‘We are still so, so sorry though,’ says Liam, his voice catching. ‘It was unintentional, and we had no idea that you weren’t a couple. You just seem so into each other. Can you ever forgive us?’
We take a beat.
‘Weareofficially in our couple era,’ says Big Mand. She goes bright red as we all cheer loudly and start another round of hugging as disembarking passengers try to squeeze past us. Liam has burst into tears again and Ged is comforting him.
The flight attendant from earlier races over to see what the hullabaloo is. ‘For the love of God, please get off this plane. I’ve never known a group of friends cause so much drama.’ He is smiling from ear to ear. ‘Tell you what, lovies. I’ll try to upgrade you all for the return journey if you’ll just go now, so we can turn the plane around for the next lot of passengers. How does that sound?’
More whooping and thankful cheering occurs. In that split second, I swear I see a flash of Luke’s hair and immediately bristle.Why has he come? Why does he think these grand gestures will work?I search the crowd being herded towards the exit and we make immediate eye contact. Luke tries to battle against the flow of passengers, to head in my direction, but the cabin crew block his path. With a worried frown, he disappears through the door along with the last of the passengers.
‘Let’s go, everyone,’ barks Big Sue. ‘We have a pre-moon to celebrate.’
Ged and Liam are bursting with joy.
‘And a BIG birthday to celebrate,’ booms Sister Kevin. ‘Whose birthday is it, again?’
Tash yanks him out through the door of the aircraft before we can interrogate him further.
I take a deep breath in. Matteo, here I come. This is one problem that Taylor Swift can’t solve for me.
* * *
It seems like it takes forever to get off the plane, down the tunnel and through to the terminal before our phones will work. The mood has suddenly shifted to ‘Let’s celebrate big time’. Liberty, Big Sue, Big Mand and Cherry are doing a conga up and down the corridor towards passport control, even though the armed border control guards are not loving the display. They put a stop to proceedings when Liberty starts kicking her height and flashing too much flesh.
As we approach the massive queue for passport control, I take the opportunity to check myself over in the nearby toilets. My hands start to shake slightly as I apply lip gloss and attempt to poke my wig back into some sort of ponytail shape. I wish I’d thought to bring some make-up to swish on my face to give me courage. I close my eyes for a brief second to wonder how cross Matteo might be with me. He might decide I am simply not worth all this hassle. I look down at my ill-fitting Barbie dress and wonder for the billionth time why we didn’t swap outfits before we set off from Benidorm.
I spot the group in the queue and approach with caution. They are in incredibly high spirits. Tash is making sure none of us get anywhere near Sister Kevin to interrogate him by keeping his lips busy. We watch as she ugly snogs him, sliding her mouth back and forwards and round and round on his.
Finally, we are standing in line at passport control. They beckon our group through a separate cubicle where there are more staff than at any other cubicle. They look us up and down. With a tip of the head and a neat hand gesture, they suggest the removal of our pink Stetson hats and deeley boppers. They indicate that we must remove our wigs. They huddle in a group whispering.
‘What brings you to Nevada?’ an armed officer asks brusquely.
He is startled by an almighty gasp from Tash, followed by a quick explanation from Sister Kevin to reassure her that we didn’t fly to the wrong country.
‘Who is in charge of this group?’
I find myself being shoved forward. It’s like history repeating itself.
‘Bachelorette, I presume?’ he asks in a disappointed tone.
‘No,’ I say quickly.
‘OnlyFans?’ He frowns, eyeing our costumes and wigs. ‘Or some kind of clown cabaret?’
‘Yes,’ I answer quickly. ‘No. I mean we’re on a pre-moon spree.’
‘What exactly is that, ma’am?’
‘It’s, well, it’s like a stag do…’ I hear Ged and Liam sharply inhale. ‘But much better. More sophisticated. More elegant in terms of premarital celebrations.’
The guards look us over once more with a sceptical eye, shaking their heads unconvincingly. ‘Then why are these two men yellow?’
