And I loved it.
She did too.
But we also couldn’t just keep having fun.
We didn’t need a title, I wasn’t seeking that, but we needed to know what was going on between us and what we both wanted. Where did we want to go.
Because I was not going to ruin our friendship for just a fling, for just some fun moments while we were exploring.
I mixed up the sauce for the chicken, finally pulling it out of the broiler to start to cool, my thoughts tumbling around.
What if she didn’t want anything more than just a fling? Just a trustworthy partner to experiment with?
I had to be honest with myself. If she told me that, I’d know it killed me.
Did I love Kelly?
Yes, she was my best friend.
Did I have romantic feelings for?
I also had to be honest about this. Because I think I have had them, just buried. I didn’t want to get myself hurt in case she never felt the same. But yeah, after all of this, I couldn’t go on. Not without knowing where her head was at.
I set the table, laid out the water and napkins, and then started plating the food as she walked through the door, her bag and jacket hitting the floor, letting me know she had another rough day. Working in retail was not for the faint of heart, that was for sure. Especially around the holidays.
“Oh, dinner smells amazing, thank you.” She kissed my cheek as I sat the food down before her, taking the seat next to her.
“Figured you could use it, especially as today is Christmas Eve and I know those crowds are vicious.”
“They were brutal tonight. And I get it, last minute shoppers, but good grief, they don’t need to be fuckheads and witchy.”
She rolled her eyes as she took a few bites, moaning at the flavor.
“You’re such a good cook, Josh. The perfect man all around.”
I took a drink of my water, figuring now was the perfect time to start this, even though I may not want to.
“I’m glad you think so. There’s, um, something I want to talk about, Kelly.”
She looked over at me then slowly put her fork down, nodding.
“I think I know.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, Josh. We’ve been best friends for ages, I would hope I know something about you. You’re a man who likes to plan, who can be laid back, but you like clear lines. That’s the adorable nerd part of you. We’ve been flying loose for a few days now, and it’s been fun. But I’m also sure it’s driving you crazy.”
I let out a sigh while giving her a smile. “You have no idea.”
“I have to admit; I was scared doing this. Josh, I love you, you’re my best friend and I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
“But?” I asked, my heart hammering in my chest because I was not sure where she was going with this.
“But I believe that both you and I know there is no going back, right? That we both know too much, and it’s not a bad thing.”
I watched as she pushed the food around on her plate, seeming to be the same mindset that I was. Too nervous to eat, even though we both knew we had to.
“When I kiss you, Josh, it’s like my first kiss. I want to look like those Hallmark movies where my foot pops up, or I smile into the kiss because it’s utter perfection. It’s not even a want, I think I do it.” Her eyes finally lifted to lock with mine and my heart stood still before it started pounding at an erratic rate that I was sure would land me in the hospital.
