“Haven’t you heard? Grumpy is my middle name.” But he’s right. I’m grumpier than usual. Where the fuck is Garrett? He promised he’d be here. For Simon, of course.
Nothing much has changed in the two years since we got together. Are we together though? Garrett still lives in New York.We text often. FaceTime occasionally. Less occasional are his visits. But it’s more than before, and I’ll take anything I can get.
Still, this is Simon’s second birthday. He promised to be here.
Simon, impatient from the start, was born six weeks early. Jane struggled. Isaac was in his last year of college and was working a lot. At least initially. When he finally realized everything wasn’t okay at home, he slowed down and took more time with Simon and Jane. Post-partum depression was the official diagnosis, but I suspect Jane hadn’t dealt with her grief over losing Emily. I understand. How could I not? But a child is involved.
I haven’t seen Jane much in the last few weeks. Or confronted Isaac about her absence. At least not yet. I need backup for that.
Zye flounces off to the dining room, and some of the tension leaves my body, knowing the cake is safe, at least for now. He’s wearing a long shirt with flamingos on them. I think it’s a shirt. He’s paired it with tights, so maybe it’s a dress?
Zye turned his wedding disaster into a win. He read us his entire essay response to the university on why he was a good candidate for their program. And it was good. He recently finished his courses and is now a certified event planner. He’s a good lad. If he didn’t twirl all the time, I’d be happier.
The dining room is full of people, but not as full as it should be. Isaac holds a squirming Simon. Since learning to walk, the kid has been unstoppable. Isaac finally gives up and lets him down.
Zye and Lanie give the toddler all the attention he wants. Lanie is eleven going on eighteen. She’s so grown up already. And starting to get moody. I’m not ready for the teen years or even the preteen years. I still miss Emily something awful. And this is when Lanie needs her most. But the grief is no longer crippling.
And the ache that wakes me up at night isn’t for Emily. It’s for Garrett. And I should probably feel guiltier about that than I do.
Isaac’s mom and dad are here. They love to spoil Simon. Jane’s parents aren’t here, and I don’t expect them to show. They moved to Florida not long after Emily died—for the warmer climate, they said. But I suspect it was less about avoiding snow and more about avoiding anything that reminded them of Emily.
They hadn’t made it to Jane’s wedding, Simon’s birth and first birthday, or any of Lanie’s recent birthdays. At this point, I’m not sure what it would take to bring them back to Mule Creek.
Simon runs over, and I pick him up. “Happy birthday, laddie.”
He wraps his little arms around me, and I squeeze him. The door to the diner opens, and Garrett strides in like he’s home. That gives me all sorts of feelings I don’t need right now. He waves to everyone, but his eyes find me. He strides over with a grin and wraps an arm around Simon, which brings him close to me. His aftershave teases me, and I’m torn between wanting to take him upstairs and get him naked and wrapping my arms around him and nuzzling his neck.
“Happy Birthday, Simon Garrett Brandt,” he says, kissing him on the cheek. “I missed you, kiddo.”
“What about me?” I keep my voice low.
He doesn’t answer. Instead, he grabs my hand and squeezes. His eyes meet mine for a brief moment, and fuck, I’m gone. I’m so tired of hiding how I feel about him. But I’m the holdout. I’m the one afraid to let anyone know. Our family and friends. The town. What would they say about me being in a relationship with a man? Not just any man, but my deceased wife’s brother. And how would that affect Lanie?
Simon wraps his arms around Garrett and shifts out of mine. I understand how he feels. That’s where I want to be too, in Garrett’s arms.
“Do I have time to take my stuff upstairs?” he asks Isaac as he hugs Simon and hands him to his dad.
“Yeah, we’ll start in about fifteen minutes. Just in case anyone else decides—” He cuts off and glances away.
Garrett narrows his eyes and studies the room. “Where’s Jane?”
Isaac gives a pointed look toward Simon. “Um, she’s visiting friends.”
“On her son’s birthday?” Garrett asks with a growl, looking like he’s going to argue the point.
“I’ll show you where to put your stuff.” I pull his hand and lead him up the stairs. Not that he needs me to show him. It’s probably obvious to everyone that I’m trying to stop him from talking about Jane. What’s not obvious, I hope, is how much I need to touch him. Kiss him.
And that makes me a little testy when we make it to the upstairs hall landing. “Are you a fucking idiot?”
His lips quirk. “Grumpy Aidyn is my favorite.” He stashes his stuff in Lanie’s room. Yes, that’s still the lie we’re telling. And follows me into mine.
I slam the door and shut his mouth with mine. The kiss is frantic and needy and then slow and really fucking needy.
He pulls away and rests his forehead against mine. “Hey there.”
“Fecking eejit.”
“Sorry I’m late. My flight got delayed.”
