“I don’t hate you.”
“You left right after that.”
No sense in admitting I had to get away so I could jerk off to thoughts of him and his huge cock. But I did need to confess. “That’s when I knew I had to leave, Aidyn. And stay gone.”
“You were disgusted?—”
“Yes. With myself.”
His green eyes dart to mine. “You followed me, but you couldn’t have known.”
“It wasn’t that, exactly.” I touch the back of his neck. His skin is hot even with the air conditioner going. “It gave me hope. A hope I couldn’t trust. You were grieving, Aidyn.” I spread my fingers over his back. So many freckles. “You’ll always belong to Emily. But in that moment…I wanted you for myself.” I choke back a sob. “I’m so sorry.”
Aidyn stands and wraps his arms around me. This feels different from before. It isn’t about sex. Or love. It’s a shared grief of someone we both loved and lost. As he clings to me, my defenses crumble. I hold him close and let the tears fall. Aidyn sniffles, and it guts me. He’s still trying to be strong and not break down.
“Hey, it’s okay.” I rub his back and squeeze his nape. Not pushing. I want him to know I’m here for him. Aidyn goes still in my arms, and the moment shifts from comforting to awareness. I kiss his shoulder. I need to say this now or I never will. “I have thirty bar coasters.”
His chuckle sounds confused, but it loosens some of the tightness in my chest. “I remember you have a thing for them.”
My fingers tingle with nerves. I bury them in his hair because in this moment, I can. But it won’t last. And I need to remember that. “I don’t actually.”
When he pulls away, I miss the heat of his chest against mine. “You just said you have thirty. That’s not exactly normal.”
“I’m aware,” I admit, rolling my eyes and then being brave and letting our eyes catch. “I collected thirty. I only cared about one.”
“One?” His eyes narrow in question, but he knows. I know he knows.
“Christy’s Pub in Dublin, Ireland. Where we first met.” I glance away, not wanting to see the pity. “It was the best few moments of my life. Then you met Emily, and…” I sigh. “You were great together. I don’t mean to imply…” I step away, but Aidyn grabs my arm, and I can’t go far.
“You should have told me.” And there it is. The pity I don’t want.
I shake his hand loose and put distance between us. Room for me to breathe. “Tell you? Sure. Hey, Aidyn, I know you and my sis hit it off and all, but I’m…” I clamp my mouth shut and shake my head. But that only lasts a second because fuck it. Those words are right there. They might as well be said. I reclaim the distance between us and cup his face in my hands. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I stare into his beautiful green eyes. “I’m in love with you, Aidyn Christy. I have been since the moment we met.”
His eyes soften, and fuck, I can’t take it. I step back, and he grabs my hand. “Garrett, I’m s?—”
“Don’t fucking say it.” I try to get my hand back, but he holds tight. “I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity.”
I give him a pointed look. I also don’t need his bullshit.
“Not pity,” he says again. “But I am sorry. I felt something between us, but then Emily—” His face melts, and I get it. I fucking get it.
“Yeah. We should head back.” Not that I want to, but it’s better than—what? Aidyn feeling sorry for me? Is that why he kissed me?
“Not pity.” He slots our fingers together and kisses my palm. My dick fattens, thinking this is more than it is. But I know better. Or I should at least. “God, Garrett, stop feeling sorry for yourself and use that brain of yours for something other than whatever it is you do in New York.”
“Hey.” I again try to pull my hand away, but he catches my eye and moves my hand to the bulge in his pants. I grip him without even thinking, and he bucks into my hand. He’s still so fucking hard, and it’s suddenly not enough. I want to touch him. Feel his hard length in my hand. The weight of it. The heat.
On my knees, gagging on his cock.A needy whine slips out as I imagine the feel of him. The taste.
He crushes our mouths together, one hand gripping my hair as he controls the kisses. The other pushes against my hand as I stroke him. The kiss is sloppy and desperate. And it’s one of the best kisses of my life.
“I want you, Garrett. I tried not to, but it’s there between us. And if I’m being honest, it always has been. I’m so tired of fighting it. Of being lonely. Of missing Emily, yes…but also missing you.”
His words feel honest and real, and I’d like to think I’m a better person, but I’m not. Even if this is just loneliness. Even if he doesn’t mean it, I can’t turn him away. And I never could. “I need you to fuck me, Aidyn. Right here in your kitchen. So you’ll remember this moment. Remember fucking me.”
His lips are on me. His hands. His body crowds me against the edge of the countertop as he devours me with his mouth. He slips his hand in my pants, under my briefs, and cups my ass. But, fuck, I need more. I wrap a leg around him, needing him to touch me there.
