10
SAVANNAH
My hotel roomdoor closes behind me, and I lean against it, letting out a breath. My hands are shaking. I press them flat against the wood until they stop.
The room is beautiful. King-sized bed with white linens, floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the city, and a sitting area with a couch and armchair.
I kick off my heels, and they land somewhere near the closet. My feet ache from walking in them all day.
At the dresser, I start taking off my jewelry. Earrings first, then the watch Mom gave me for my college graduation. The clasp sticks like it always does, and I have to fumble with it for a minute before it comes loose.
I remember her handing me the box, her smile proud despite the exhaustion in her eyes. She’d been sick for six months by then, though neither of us knew it yet. Just thought she was tired from working too much.
“You earned this,mija,” she said. “You worked so hard.”
I set the watch down carefully on the dresser and stare at it.
She would’ve been proud of me today. The meeting. The presentation. The way I handled seeing Mason and Lizzy.
Or maybe she would’ve been horrified that I married a stranger in Vegas and can’t remember it.
Probably both.
I miss her so much it physically hurts sometimes. Miss her voice. Her laugh. The way she’d make me sit down and eat even when I said I wasn’t hungry.
I remember the last conversation we had before the morphine made her too confused to talk properly. We were in her hospital room, and she was having a good day.
“Promise me something,” she said, gripping my hand with what little strength she had left.
“Anything.”
“Promise me you’ll live and not just survive.” Her eyes were fierce despite how weak her body was. “I spent so much time working, sacrificing, being careful. I want more for you. I want you to take chances. To be brave and let yourself feel things even when it’s scary.”
“I promise, Mom.”
“Don’t waste your life being afraid, Savannah. Life is too short for that.”
And here I am, married to a man I don’t remember because I was drunk and broken and decided to do something crazy.
Maybe that’s what she meant. Maybe getting married in Vegas to a stranger is exactly the kind of brave, stupid thing she wanted me to do.
Or maybe I’m just trying to make sense of a mistake.
I change into the pajamas I packed. Cotton shorts and a tank top because I don’t expect to actually sleep in front of anyone. Wash my face, brush my teeth, basically go through all the motions of preparing for bed, even though I’m not tired.
The bed is massive and too soft. I climb in and stare at the ceiling.
My mind won’t shut off.
Mason’s face when he saw me. Lizzy crying. The bodyguards blocking them like they were nothing.
I can’t believe they’re actually together. Can’t believe Lizzy chose him. She was my best friend for years. We met in college, told each other everything. And she threw it all away for Mason.
The weird thing is, I’m not hurt about Mason. I thought seeing him would make me sad or angry or something. But I felt nothing. Nothing but disgust and the vague memory of wasted time.
I don’t love him. Now he’s with Lizzy, and I hope they’re miserable together.
I roll over. Ledger. Now, I may be in love withhim.
