“And like … it’s not aboutyou.”
“I know that too.”
“But I …” He closed his eyes. “I don’t know what else to do.”
“Can I be honest?” she asked, pulling back again.
“Sure.” He braced himself.
“I’m not in love with you.”
“Okay.” That was both disappointing and a relief.
“No. Look at me, babe.” She tugged at him gently until he turned to face her. “You are a catch. You’re a super amazing guy and I think you’re going to make some girl—or, uh, someone—very happy someday. But I haven’t let myself get that deep because I don’t think you ever really give yourself a chance to fall in love with the person you’re with.”
He frowned.
She sat back and crossed her legs. “And, like, I get it, okay? Hockey’s kinda your focus and anyone you’re with is always going to come a little bit second to that.”
He opened his mouth to protest, then closed it, wondering if she was right.
“You also said from the beginning you were a serial monogamist. You wanted a long-term relationship and to fall in love and you’re not interested in the casual stuff, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So if you’re looking for love, why doesn’t it ever work out for you?”
“I …” He frowned. “I don’t know.”
Her expression turned soft again. “I think you need to think about if you’re being honest with yourself. I’m not saying you don’t want love. I think you do. I … I think you’ve convinced yourself you want thesafe choice. The one who checks all the boxes. The one who will be there to cheer you on at games and be okay with the life of a WAG?—”
“SAP,” he corrected automatically. “They’re called SAPs now. Spouses and partners. It’s more gender inclusive.”
“The life of a SAP,” she said gently. “The girl you can bring home to your family and all that. But Graham. What if that’s not what you want at all? What if you don’t want the safe choice? What if you want someone who turns you upside down and shakes you to your core?”
CHAPTER SEVEN
A week later, Thad shifted in his seat, glancing up from his phone with an amused smile at the burst of laughter from Tanner and Jesse in the back of the plane.
The mood on the flight to New Jersey was good, despite the fact the team was playing their first game of the season on the road.
At least it wasn’t New York? Small mercies. Although the Harriers were playing them in the second game of the season so very small indeed.
Rafe rose to his feet, clutching his latest knitting project, and called something out. A few guys looked up, but Thad couldn’t hear what he’d said.
Rafe seemed much looser and more relaxed than when he came to the team last January, and certainly happier, but he was still a little soft-spoken.
His boyfriend and D-partner, Mickey, rose to his feet too, putting his fingers between his lips and whistling. The shrillnoise broke through the babble of voices and everyone immediately quieted.
Ironic, since Mickey had been nicknamed Mouse by the team. He’d been extremely quiet and reserved when Thad first joined the organization in October, but he too had loosened up lately, showing an aptitude for leading the team with a deft hand.
Or, at least that was what Gavin had told him.
“Okay,” Rafe called out. “Last season, Tanner took down most of the team, coaches, and support staff with his germs. This season, I think we should challenge him to stay healthy. Which is why we created this!”
Mickey pulled out a small whiteboard, about the size of a sheet of printer paper, with a photo of Tanner stuck on it and text Rafe read aloud. “My Name Is … Tanner Clayton. It Has Been ___ Days Since I Was Patient Zero.”
Mickey gestured to the empty spot where they could write in the number of days.
