The breathless relief washing over Thad at Graham’s familiar face inside the car had made him let down his guard.
And now here he was, stuck in a car with him as they wove through the snarl of Boston traffic, both of them too awkward, or maybe too cowardly, to talk about what was going on between them.
And what the fuck was Thaddoing, holding on to little crumbs of Graham’s attention and wanting to spend more time with him? It was pathetic and nothing like him, and yet …
Suddenly, he felt young and insecure with Graham. In a way he hadn’t since he was a teenager with a first crush.
Was that what this was then? A crush?
Fucking ridiculous. How could he be so hung up on a guy who looked like that? Graham was the quintessential college jock. A fucking rich-assfratboy.
A caring, thoughtful frat boy, Thad had to admit.
But the golden boy with a huge career ahead of him, nonetheless. A future that wouldn’t have the likes of Thad Racine in it.
He wished he could rewind to April when he’d taken the look in Graham’s beautiful dark eyes and the way Graham had stared at his mouth as an invitation to kiss him. He’d read it wrong and now he’d fucked up the only solid friendship he’d had in a damn long time.
So, when they pulled up at the curb of Thad’s building and Graham put the car in park, Thad turned to look at him.
He stared straight ahead, his face in profile.
The car was dark, but the glow of the city filtered in. Something in Thad’s chest squeezed at the sight of Graham’s short hair and the slope of his nose, the obscene fullness of his lips and the cleft of his strong chin.
None of it should work together and yet it did in a way that was painfully beautiful and made Thad want to reach for his phone, or better yet, his Nikon, and document it.
Thad dragged a hand through his hair and took a deep breath instead. “So, I feel like I should apologize.”
Graham frowned, finally turning to look at him. “For what?”
“For everything that happened last spring. I took advantage of a weird situation and?—”
Graham laughed. “You didn’t take advantage of me, Thad.”
Thad shifted in his seat and the seatbelt dug into the side of his neck. He unsnapped it, and it spooled away, disappearing with a metallic clang against the window. “No, I know. But Ishould have at leastaskedbefore I kissed you. I took your body language as a yes, but I should have been clearer about it and?—”
“Dude, I’m not upset about that,” Graham snapped.
Thad frowned. “Then was it because of what happened at O’Neill’s? Out on the patio? I know I was kind of a dick, and I shouldn’t have pushed your buttons. I …”
“No,” Graham protested. “I’m not upset at you aboutanything. I’m …confused. And I wish we could go back to the way our friendship wasbefore.”
Thad shrugged. “So why don’t we?”
“Because I can’t … I can’t fucking stopthinkingabout you!”
The words exploded out of Graham and for a few heartbeats, all Thad could do was stare at him.
In the background, he could hear the honk of a horn and the sounds of city life, muted a little as it filtered into the car. But mostly, Graham’s ragged breaths, sounding a little shaky.
“Oh,” Thad finally managed.
“Yeah,” Graham said, his tone very flat. He looked out the front window again.
“So what does that mean?” Thad asked quietly.
“How should I know?” Now Graham, ever cool, ever level-headed Graham, was the one who sounded prickly.
“Well,you’rethe one who’s had a bunch of relationships, not me.” Thad winced, wondering why he’d used that word. It wasn’t like they were talking about arelationship.
