Eve was smart to eat that apple, even if she’s the reason we’re all doomed to be sinners. I would have eaten that apple too, because who doesn’t want to know things?
When I told Sister Blair this on my third day at the orphanage, she sent me to see Sister Isla, the Headmistress,which meant I had to say prayers over and over while kneeling before the altar.
“Sinful, dreadful boy,” she had whispered, lips curled back from her teeth like a mean dog, shoving me to the ground so hard my knees hurt. “All this dreadful sin is going to be your downfall.”
I think she might be right, because I have to do that a lot. Pray for forgiveness.
But not anymore. No more kneeling before Father Rupport’s altar, staring up at that wooden dead-eyed statue. It didn’t look like the gentle Savior Mum talked about. This one stared through me like I didn’t even exist. But, I’d take a hundred hours kneeling in front of Father Rupport’s altar over even a few seconds in the special room with Headmistress Isla. She always brought me there when I needed my soul cleansed.
But I don’t have to worry about that anymore either. Not the school, the purging room, or Headmistress. Not even snakes or prayers.
Three days ago, a tall, dark-haired man picked me up from the Boy’s school. He told me his name was Fallon, which sounded like a girl’s name. Headmistress said he’s the only one I’ll have to please now. Fallon told me he was my father when he led me to a shiny black car, which is an outright lie.
My father is dead.
Just like my mum.
Cancer. That’s what got her. It ate her up on the inside and took her away from me. Last year, Mum was pretty and laughing, then Father Odon was putting her in the ground and I was sent to live at Saint Theresa’s School for Boys. The social worker said I had no family, and boys and girls who have no one to claim them get sent to homes where they wait for new parents.
I didn’t want a new parent. I wanted my mum, but she was dead. Placed in the ground in a plain wooden box. I crieda lot, worried about bugs eating her body. I hated the thought of squiggly worms eating her eyes. When I told Father Odon my fears, he said that her soul now floats in the heavens. Her body was here, feeding the Earth, but she was in Heaven with God watching over me, making sure I am safe. But I’m not so sure about that. Or maybe she got lost on her way up there because it seems no one is watching out for me anymore.
Because if there were, I think someone would punish the Sisters that live in the boy’s home. Sister Blair may have gross teeth and swears I’m a terrible boy, but she’s nowhere near as mean as Headmistress Isla.
But I don’t have to worry about her anymore, though. As Sister Blair likes to say, I have bigger problems right now.
My new father brought me to a new school, and I don’t think I’m going to like it here.
So far, I like nothing about it. Especially this room. It’s dark and cold, and I’m really hungry, since I haven’t eaten in days. The emptiness makes my stomach rumble over and over.
Pressing my hand to my belly, I push in hard to stop the pain. I open my eyes, leaving behind the images of the school, Sister Blair, and Headmistress Isla, and the prayers, but I’m met with darkness, so I close them again. Not like there’s anything to see in here. I’m alone, nothing besides the rats that crawl over my feet if I sit too still and the bugs that find their way under my shirt. There’s no furniture, just old walls with peeling blue paint. I only know they are blue because I saw the pretty color right before things went dark.
My new father shut the metal door after he told me to stay still and quiet. When the lock snapped in place, I knew I was in trouble. When the lights went off, I didn’t even bother with prayers.
I still don’t as I curl up tighter, pressing my back to the cold wall, letting my head fall forward. The ache in my bellyhas grown, so I know I’ve been here a few days. I can tell because that’s how long Sister Isla would keep me in the purging room, asking for forgiveness as she stood behind me, whispering prayers intended to cleanse my soul. Even though she said my soul was cleansed I don’t think it really was, because every time I left the room, I felt dirtier than before.
I’m dirty now. And cold. But at least I’m not sweating like in the purging room with all the candles. But piss still wets my pants leg. I tried to aim for the floor, but I can’t see anything, so it splashed back on me.
I glance toward the thin line of light under the door, wondering when Fallon or that boy will return.
The first day Fallon brought me to the new school, he led me through the large metal gates and empty halls with torn vinyl floors. He told me I was going to learn how to be a soldier, but I had to pass a test first. My real father, he’d been a soldier, but I don’t think that’s the kind Fallon meant. I hope not because my da died as a soldier, and I don’t want to die.
I’m only six.
My mum would have been twenty-four.
She was pretty. Not like the sisters at Saint Theresa’s.
Pretty like a winter day. Pale, with bright eyes that looked like the sky.
I don’t remember my da. He died before I was born, Mum said. But I saw pictures of him, and I have his face. Mum said I have her eyes and lips, but everything else was my da’s through and through. I even inherited his temper.
That growly, painful feeling winds my belly up again, and I wince, but I refuse to cry any more.
The first day here, I cried. Then I fell asleep long enough that when I woke, I knew it was the next day. I knew because the tiny line of light from under the door was a different color,not the blue fluorescent light like before, which meant it was daylight.
The second day in this room, I sat in my corner where he told me to sit and sang the songs my mum used to sing to me, but I sang them in my head so the boy who comes to stand by the door every few hours wouldn’t hear.
When the boy asked me if I was alive, I didn’t answer out of spite. If he wanted to know, he could open the thick metal door Fallon locked and see for himself.
