I cannot allow myself to get distracted. I leave for Italy to start a new life in a couple days. Being a hopeless romantic and an artist, it is way too easy for me to find a muse. Good or bad.
The words slip out before I can stop them.
“Did you love her?” I ask quickly.
Heaven pauses, brush in hand. “Love who?”
“Your ex,” I say, staring at my snowman like it can save me from this conversation. “Did you love Keke?”
She presses her lips together. “Yes, I loved her… but I wasn’t in love with her.”
“So you were in a loveless relationship? Is that why you’ve been the Grinch this Christmas?”
She laughs lightly. “Yes and no. I loved Keke. But I guess it was all in my head. I don’t know.”
She stops painting and looks directly at me. “And to answer your second question… yes. I was planning.”
“Planning what?” I ask.
She clears her throat. “I was planning to propose. Tomorrow.”
My chest tightens, air catching.
“How do you get over someone like that?” I whisper.
“Well… it’s kinda easy when someone cheats on you,” she says with a dry laugh.
I stare at her, blink a couple times, then shake my head and focus on my canvas again.
“What about you?” she asks. “Why?—”
“We’ve been asking each other the same questions all night, ” I cut in.
“Well shit, you answer correctly the first time I would ask again”
“Fine.” I put my brush down taking a deep breath. “Christmas was my grandma’s favorite holiday. She used to pick me up since my parents always had to work and my siblings were much older. While other kids were outside playing in the snow, I was with her. Baking, watching movies, cutting up paper snowflakes—you name it.”
I pause.
When I look up, Heaven is already staring at me, waiting.
I continue softly, “She died four years ago. A week before Christmas. The first year wasn’t bad. Neighbors came by, said how sorry they were, brought food and gifts so I wouldn’t feel empty. But the years after that just got lonelier. My parents never cared about the holidays, and neither did my siblings. So… here I am, being just like them. Working on a holiday that used to mean everything to me. I took this job to escape a little before I leave.”
“Where are you going?” she asks.
Wiping a tear from my eye, I say, “You’re looking at the newest citizen of Italy. I’ll be going to school there to study art.”
Heaven stands up and moves to my side of the table, sitting next to me. She gives me a small, warm smile.
“Well, that’s cool as hell,” she says softly. “I’m sorry for your loss. And you deserve to celebrate. I don’t know your grandma, but she seems pretty cool. And… I’m sorry if I was bringing down your joy.”
“No, you weren’t at all. Honestly, even you being a Grinch was better than me being alone. Even though we’re stuck here until the snow melts a little.” I give her a weak smile.
She smiles back—slow and soft.
I clear my throat, needing something to cut the heaviness. “Alright, let me see your snowman.”
She shakes her head immediately, laughing. “Nah. I promise you don’t want to see that shit.”
