After a while, he breaks the silence. “Are you okay?”
I trail my fingers over his chest, adjusting so I can look up at him. “I don’t think I’ve been this okay since I was sixteen and you kissed me for the last time. Your lips were the last place I remember breathing easily. Everything without you felt like holding my breath underwater. Lungs burning, screaming for me to surface and just fuckingbreathealready.” I brush my lips over his gently, then pull back to search his eyes. “I’m breathing again, Austin. Because of you.”
Austin’s quiet for a beat, staring into my eyes in what seems to be shock. Then he lets out a choked laugh. “There’s my little romance writer. I wondered when I’d get him back.”
“If I’m seeing magic in love again, it’s because of you.”
He groans, sinking his hands into my hair and pulling me into him for a kiss. “Fuck, I love you,” he whispers against my lips.
I love you too.
“I know,” I whisper back.
Chapter 30
Luca
“Canyoubelievetheman doesn’t have a single Christmas decoration?”
Arlo shrugs, walking beside me as we look over the ridiculous amount of decorations in Hobby Lobby. This place is like a Christmas whore’s dream. “It doesn’t surprise me. He’s been a bachelor. What does a single guy have to decorate for?”
I always had the nicest decorations at Damien’s. I’d never lived in a house with ceilings as tall as his. On our very first Christmas together, I stood in the middle of the biggest department store in town, hand tucked into his, staring up at the tallest tree I’d ever seen. I thought I was staring up at it in childlike wonder, but now I wonder if nineteen-year-old me was actually staring up at it like achild instead. A child clutching the hand of his thirty-five-year-old boyfriend.
Back then, he wasn’t as mad at me all the time. Maybe it’s because I hadn’t grown jaded, or maybe it was because he knew he had more work to do to sink his claws into me. So when I told him how much I wished I could have a tree like that, he kissed my temple and bought it.
I was shocked. I mean, for one, I wasn’t used to just getting things I wanted, and for another, it was so expensive that it didn’t even seem right. We bought handmade glass ornaments and only the nicest lights. Decorating it was the worst. It was so big around that it took forever to cover the entire thing, and I had to use a ladder to get to the top.
It was worth it, though, when I climbed back down and lit it up. I’d lie on the floor, staring up at the twinkling lights, and I’d imagine showing the tree to my mom and dad. I liked to think about how impressed my mom would be. She loved Christmas as much as I do, but we could never afford more than the most basic pre-lit tree. Most of our decorations were homemade. I think she would have loved the understated elegance of my tree at Damien’s.
“Earth to Luca.”
I snap out of my memories to find Arlo waving a hand in front of my face. “Sorry. What?”
“I asked if you know which tree you want.”
“This one, maybe?” I hold a hand out, touching the branches of the tree in front of me. It’s a much more modest seven-foot tree, with white, snow-tipped ends. It’s not very round, but it’ll fit perfectly in the living room on the side of the fireplace, and I’ll be able to stare at it from the couch.
“It’s cute,” Arlo says, flashing me a smile.
I think so too. Austin told me to get whatever I wanted and that he wasn’t picky, so I grab the box and put it in the cart. “Now decorations.”
Turns out, there is such a thing as too many options. “I have no idea what to pick.”
My chest aches, mostly because I wish everything was still as simple as homemade things and fun, gaudy decorations.
“I’m sure there are options somewhere that’ll work.”
I shake my head, and Arlo pauses. “I don’t think so. The sad thing is that I want it to feel like when I was a kid. I don’t reckon they have any homemade decorations lying around in here.”
Arlo’s eyes light up, a smile blooming on his face. “Actually,” he says, holding a finger up. “Come here.”
He grabs my hand, leading me a few aisles down. Excitement rushes through me. I mean, I should have known. This is a craft store after all, but I guess I wasn’t expecting to walk into this row to find floor-to-ceiling decoration kits to make yourself.
“Do you think Austin would make some with me?”
Arlo laughs. “That man is a simp. He’d do anything you asked of him.”
That’s probably true. I laugh along with him. “What about you? Do you wanna join?”
