I sober, my throat closing up. “Can I tell you something personal?”
Just as quickly as I turn serious, Arlo does too. “Of course.”
“It was triggering.” His eyes widen. “Not the blowjob—the before.” Heat crawls up my spine, and my face flushes under Arlo’s intense stare. “Can we do the dishes while we talk about it? I’m not sure I can handle telling you if I have to look at you too.”
“Yeah,” Arlo says, turning his gaze from me to the sink.
“So, my ex was really abusive. I know I already told you, but not to the full extent.” I pause, taking a big breath. “He’d slap me around sometimes. Gaslight me and shit. Sometimes it was worse. Punches, kicking me… Anyway…” I swallow hard. “The last time—when I called Austin to come get me—was the worst.”
I fall silent. Instead of pushing for more, Arlo sits in that silence with me, carefully washing each dish and putting it in the rinse sink. Something about that makes it easier to keep going, makes it easier to fight against the fear and shame that always threaten to swallow me whole when I tell anyone about what happened to me.
“He raped me—my ex. I can’t call it anything but that.”
Arlo’s sharp intake of breath is the first chink I’ve seen in his armor, and it makes him so perfectly human and real that a small smile splits my lips even though I hate this entire thing.
“Do you want me to keep going?” I ask softly.
“Yeah,” Arlo says. “As long as you’re comfortable.”
It’s sweet that he worries. “Yeah, I’m fine. So, I thought it wouldbe easier with Austin if he didn’t treat me well.”
The dishes are done, so I start rinsing them, and without commentary, Arlo takes them from me and starts stacking them on the drying rack. “Like I said, I thought it would be easier. It wasn’t. I basically asked him to fuck me like he didn’t care about me.”
“I can’t see him doing that,” Arlo murmurs.
I shake my head with a laugh. “No. He tried, for my sake, but it didn’t work out, and he knew it wouldn’t. It triggered the fuck out of me, honestly. My mind went right back to Damien. He was touching me, not Austin. At least in my head.”
Austin was right. I want soft and sweet and loving, especially from him. No.Onlyfrom him. I don’t think my heart would survive a rough touch from Austin, honestly. His softness means too much to me. His gentle care breathes too much life into me. I survived Damien and his cruelty. I couldn’t live with Austin’s.
“So, like, at the self-defense thing the other day?” Arlo glances at me from the corner of his eye. “It wasn’t Jasper touching you…”
“Right. It was Damien. At least in my head.”
We finish up the dishes in relative silence. When Arlo puts the last dish in the rack, he turns to me. “I’m really sorry that happened to you.”
I try for a smile, hoping I hit the mark. “Thanks. I’m getting a little better every day. But that’s why I want to keep doing self-defense. I don’t ever want to be caught unawares again. I want to be able to protect myself, you know?”
“I do know,” Arlo mumbles, gaze falling. “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
“You’re a good person.” I shrug. “I can tell. I like you.”
Arlo chuckles. “I like you too.”
I dry my hands off, then pass the rag to him. “Do you wannacome for dinner again soon?”
The smile Arlo gives me is so bright it’s almost blinding. “I’d love that.”
Iglancedownatmy notebook, checking over my notes.
Names: RiverNixKnox and Noah Jett
Ages: R: 28 N:25
River and Noah are best friends. How did they meet? I don’t know. We’ll figure it out.
River is tall (6’3”). Noah is similar (6’2”).
River: dark hair, dark eyes, a tan, and an average build. Big dick, though, because this is fiction and everyone gets big dicks in fiction.
