He doesn’t try to deepen the kisses. Not this time. Instead, it seems like he’s using them to bring me back from the edge. I’ll barely admit it to myself, but I’m thankful for it. For the slow return to reality. For the gentleness.
“Are you okay?” he whispers, pulling back far enough that he can look down at me.
“I’m perfect,” I whisper back, afraid to say the words any louder.
Austin collapses on me, tucking his face against my throat as his almost ragged breathing slows. I let my fingers sink into his hair, holding him to me. It’s the wildest thing; even though my cock is still aching, I feel sated. It’s almost as if being with Austin this way released something inside me that had been wound tight.
Like I had a noose around my throat, and each soft kiss and stroke of his tongue loosened it bit by bit until I could finally breathe.
I let out a long, slow breath and stroke Austin’s hair. “I’m sleepy,” I whisper. I have no idea why I’m so tired. With as much as I’ve slept in the last twenty-four hours, I shouldn’t be tired at all, but I am. “I’m not sure why.”
Austin raises up on his elbows, peering down at me with a soft smile. “You went through something traumatic.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Jasper putting his hand around my throat wasn’t traumatic. Fighting for air as Damien choked me until I passed out was traumatic.”
The look on Austin’s face would almost be funny if it weren’t so serious and sad. “Luc.” He shakes his head. “Youdidgo through something traumatic. The body doesn’t understand the difference between real danger and not in situations like that. Jasper would never hurt you, and I would never let him, and sure, maybe logically, you know that. But you weren’t thinking logically. You were in survival mode.”
I nod slowly because he’s right. My throat gets tight—not from fear, but from emotion—so I swallow hard, trying to get it to calm down a bit. “I know.”
Warm fingers skate over my cheek as a smile blooms over Austin’s face. “So sleep, baby. Listen to what your body needs.”
That’s foreign to me. I didn’t listen to my body’s needs at all withDamien. I listened tohim,to his voice inside my head.Time to get up. Get my dry cleaning. Cook dinner. Why can’t you be bothered to dust? On your knees, love.
A shiver wracks my body. It didn’t matter how much I was hurting. It didn’t matter whether I had bleeding wounds or bruises. Hell, it didn’t even matter when he broke my wrist. Nothing mattered but what Damien wanted and expected. It didn’t matter if I was still sore from last night, and it didn’t matter that there was no prep because I should have still been plenty loose from the night before. Never mind that I also wasn’t prepped the night before.
Hurt on hurt on hurt, compounding until it became a part of me. As much a part of me as my gray eyes or my hair. Never-ending and always around. My constant companion, even without visible marks.
“Luca?”
Austin’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I find his concerned gaze. “Yes?”
“You zoned out there for a second.” He eyes me for a second. “I said if you want to sleep, sleep. Listen to your body’s needs.”
“Will you stay with me?” I ask, not even thinking before the words come out.
Austin’s answering smile could chase away even the most dangerous of storms. “Of course.”
With a gentle kiss to my forehead, he rolls to the side, wasting no time before pulling me into his arms and wrapping me in warmth and comfort.
“No.Ican’tnamea character that. Not even a side character. No one should have that name.”
My eyes fly open, and I take in the mostly dark room, confused about who said those words. Me, I think. Which makes sense, given that I was dreaming about writing.
My stomach gives a tumble. It’s been so long since I’ve done that.
“Here, baby.” Austin’s sleep-roughened voice makes me yelp, and something landing on my lower stomach makes me flinch.
I reach down, confused as I feel around on my stomach. It feels like… I sit up, picking up the item Austin left on me. In the soft glow of light spilling in from the bathroom, I hold the little spiral-bound notebook in the air. “Oh my God.”
“What?” Austin mumbles, rolling to his side and facing away from me.
What?Is he serious right now?
I stare down at the notebook, tears filling my eyes. “Why do you have this?” I choke out. I don’t get a response at all, and I’m about to lose my mind, so I shake Austin awake. “Wake up. Sit up.”
He does. Of course he does. Austin peers at me with one eye closed and the other squinting, his eyebrows drawn in confusion. “Why do you have this?”
After a few more seconds of Austin staring at me like he doesn’t even know what plane of existence we’re in, he waves a hand through the air. “It’s your bedtime idea book.”
