Right. Yeah, no, definitely. The way that makes something hot and uncomfortable tighten in my stomach is fucked, but not a huge deal, surely. It’s probably just the strangeness of Luca working and not being here all the time, but of course I want him to make friends and hang out with people. I want him to find his spark again. It’snormal. And healthy. I should want those things for him. Ido.
“Yeah, I remember.”
Luca yawns.
“Well, I guess it’s about time for bed. We both have to work tomorrow,” I say, standing so he doesn’t have time to argue with me that he’s not tired.
“Goodnight, Austin,” he mumbles, and when I glance at him, he’s picking at a nonexistent piece of lint on his pants.
“Night, Luc.”
After I’ve disappeared into the bedroom and stripped down to my briefs, I pull the door back open, leaving it cracked, then climb into bed. I’m not really tired, and even if I were, my head is too tangled to feel like I could sleep anyway.
I toss and turn, my thoughts going a million miles a minute. I don’t get it. Sure, Luca and I have always been two peas in a pod. We’ve always been up each other’s asses and pretty much only needed one another, but I should be happy for him. I should be thrilled that he’s working now and that he’s making friends. Jealousy is such a strange thing to feel where Luca is concerned.
Until Damien, he’s never put anyone above me. And even then, he literally risked his own safety to keep in contact with me. I give myself a shake. No, Luca having friends doesn’t make me less important. That’s a line of thinking I need to shut down right fucking now. I’ll never, ever make Luca feel like he has to choose between friendships outside ours and ours. Never. That’s fully Damien’s territory, and I’m nothing like that asshole.
A knock on the door pulls me out of my spiraling. “Come in.”
Luca pushes the door open, then stands in the open doorway, his gaze on the floor. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I echo.
He clears his throat, twisting his fingers nervously in front of him. “I, um, I can’t sleep.”
“Are you okay?” I can’t help but ask.
“Yeah. Yes.” Luca’s chest rises and falls quickly, barely illuminated in the low lighting of the room. “Do you think it’d be alright if I slept in here again?” My heart threatens to pound its way out of my body. “I, uh—I feel safer with you.”
“Of course,” I choke out, my voice raspy and raw to my own ears. I wish I could blame it on sleep. That would make so much more sense, but I can’t. It was those words.I feel safer with you.
Without another word, I lift the blanket, inviting Luca to join me. His steps are damn near silent as he makes his way across the floor. No tripping and falling over himself this time. No rush to escape the room unnoticed. Just his soft but sure steps and him climbing in beside me.
When he’s settled, I cover him up, tucking the blanket up around his chin and barely—just fuckingbarely—resisting the urge to press a kiss to his forehead.
I would have before. I have, even, in the past, but something is happening to me. Or maybe something is happening to Luca, and nothing feels right.
No, that’s not it. It’s not that it doesn’t feelright.It’s just that it feels… different.
We lie side by side in the dark, both of us on our backs, my gaze fixed on the ceiling. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” Luca says quietly.
“Do you still love Damien?”
Silence stretches between us. Long enough that I almost regret my words, but I do want to know, so I bite my tongue and resist the urge to take them back.
After what feels like an eternity, Luca sighs, then rolls to his side to face me. “No.” Something that feels an awful lot like relief rushes through my veins. “Why do you ask?”
I roll to my side as well, scanning Luca’s face in the dark. His bruises are long gone—his skin a pale canvas, the dusting of freckles over his cheeks no longer marred with marks and pain. “I was just wondering. I’m sure it’s strange to be away from him after all this time. Even if it was bad and he hurt you.”
Luca hums. “Yeah, I guess so. In some ways it is; in others? Not so much.”
“What do you mean?”
His expression is thoughtful. “He was my everything, you know?” Luca pauses, then shakes his head. “Not in like a good way. I didn’t make a single decision that didn’t revolve around him. I didn’t make dinner without his input; I didn’t go to the grocery store unless he approved it. I wasn’t allowed to buy new shoes with the credit card he gave me to use until I asked for permission.”
Fuck. “You deserve better than that.”
