And second off, he hasn’t asked anything of me since he got here. He’s worked very hard to be independent and not lean on me. Other than when he called me to come get him, he’s been trying very hard to prove that he can do things on his own. And of course he can. But it makes me happy to know that if hedoesneed something, he’ll ask for it instead of suffering in silence.
I think we need a day to relax, though. Without having to worry about getting out of the house. Or hell, even getting out of bed.
Luca always seems to think he has toperform.I understand why. The reasoning makes sense, and I can’t fault him for it, but I think part of his healing will be realizing that he doesn’t have to always be on. Doesn’t always have to be anticipating the needs of those around him, and especially notmyneeds. If this man tries to bend over backward to make me dinner one more time, I might lose my mind.
I ease the blankets off myself and carefully climb out of bed. It’s chilly this morning, especially outside the blankets—almost the time of year to start using the heat. If I can get away with it for just a little longer, I will, though.
I pull the bedroom door shut quietly so I can hopefully get breakfast made without waking Luca. He needs the sleep. It would be impossible to miss the way he tosses and turns on the couch each night. I don’t know if my exhaustion from work had me sleeping so heavily I missed it, but he seems to have slept relatively well last night. I want him to keep that up and sleep in. Hell, after last night, he deserves it.
I make quick work of getting breakfast together. Scrambled eggs, sausage, and toast. But not just any toast. Toast with maple syrup. Pancakes? French toast? Waffles? Not for Luca. The only two acceptable things to eat with syrup are plain, unbuttered toast, and chili. Why chili? No idea. It grosses me out, but he loves it, and who am I to judge?
After I’m done cooking, I plate everything up and head back into the bedroom. I’m a little surprised to find Luca awake and sitting up. Mostly because he really hasn’t been much for just sitting around. “Good morning,” I say softly, careful not to startle him.
Luca and I used to be loud. So loud that it drove our parents insane, but now? Now even the smallest noises startle him. He gets restless when I sigh or when I set my boots down too hard. He’s constantly side-eyeing me, checking my hands, and scanning my face. It’s almost like he’s waiting for me to become Damien. Like he’s waiting for me to… hurt him. It’d be a cold day in hell before I ever put hands on him. But I understand it’s not my fault or, hell, even about me at all, so I smile and soften my voice and work hard to keep my hands where he can see them.
He inhales a deep breath, his eyes flashing. “Good morning.” His voice is croaky this morning, no doubt from the screaming last night. “Whatcha got there?”
I glance down at the plates, stepping fully into the room. “Breakfast. We’re not leaving the bed today. We’re gonna eat, watch trash TV, talk about nothing, and do the same.”
Luca stares at me for a second, then he smiles. “Okay. That’s fine, I guess.”
After handing him his plate, I sit down on the bed and get comfortable. Luca gasps, and I turn to him quickly. “Holy shit. Toast and syrup. You remembered?”
I blink at him in confusion. “What do you mean I remembered? You’ve been eating it that way since you were five years old.”
Luca looks from his plate to me. “Yeah, I know. It’s just… never mind. Thank you.”
He holds his fork up to me, so I clink mine off his, and we both dig in. “Trash TV, huh?” Luca asks, cutting a piece off his toast and shoving it into his mouth. His eyes close, and he smiles.
“Sure,” I say, studying him. “Why are you acting like it’s been years since you’ve eaten toast and syrup?”
Luca swallows, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Because ithasbeen years since I’ve eaten it.” He sighs. “Damien made me feel bad about it.”
“What? How? What the fuck does he care how you eat your toast?”
“You know? I don’t know.” Luca shrugs, taking another bite. “The more important question,” he mumbles around his mouthful of food, “iswhyI let him bully me out of eating what I enjoyed.”
Because he controlled every aspect of your life. Because he fucking hit you if you didn’t listen to him. Because he made you feelsmall so you wouldn’t realize how much better you are than him and leave his sorry ass.“Well, I’ll make you toast and syrup every morning from now on.”
He inhales a sharp breath, and tears fill his eyes. My stomach drops. “Whoa. Hey, what’s wrong?”
Luca waves his hand dismissively. “I’m fine.” Doesn’t seem very fine. “You’re just being really nice to me.”
I’m not really sure what to say to that. I’m not doing anything differently from what I’ve done our entire lives. I nod slowly. “I’m beingnormalto you, Luc. If someone making you toast with syrup is them being nice, the bar is too low, and you need to raise it.”
The tears disappear with his loud laugh. “I think the bar is actually gonna be too high now. I’m never fucking dating again.”
“You’re a little young to give up forever,” I tease. “Wait until you’re at least as old as Burt before you decide to make that call.”
Luca rolls his eyes as he goes back to eating. “You may be right. But ugh. The idea of starting over and trusting someone again? Pass. Besides, this town sucks for dating. Why do you think I had to give up my virginity to you?”
I can’t help but laugh. “They have apps now, you know. Plus, hey, we’re not teenagers anymore. I hear they even have bars and clubs you candriveto.”
“Double pass,” Luca says, leaning against the headboard and resting his mostly empty plate on his thigh. “So, what did you want to watch?”
Conversation closed, I suppose. It makes sense that dating wouldn’t be anywhere near the top of his priority list, but hopefully, he won’t always feel that way. Eventually, I hope he’ll heal enough to want that for himself. But hell, maybe not, and that’s valid too. “I don’t care. Whatever you want.”
I hand him the remote, and he turns onMasterChef. I’m not sure if I’d call this trash TV, but hey, it works.
