“I don’t understand you,” I whispered, the confession slipping out before I could catch it.
Jace paused only for a heartbeat, then resumed the gentle motion. “What part of me don’t you understand, cherub?”
My chest tightened at the endearment. “You’re…” My voice wavered. “I just don’t know. I can’t… Why are you doing this?”
His hand stopped again. “Cleaning you?” he asked. “Or are you asking about the sexual things?” He swept the cloth carefully along my side.
My breath caught. “I don’t know,” I whispered. “Both? Is it… is it supposed to be like that? I didn’t think men could be together in that way.”
Jace gently turned me to face him under the shower’s stream. “It’s completely normal,” he said, washing my front. “All that’s different is that you won’t get pregnant when I fuck you. Doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”
My heart pounded, and I’m sure I blushed from the tips of my ears to my toes. “Oh…”
He smirked, then said teasingly, “It sounds like you’re disappointed. Did you want to have my baby, cherub? You are the Vessel, after all. You’re made to be filled up.”
My eyes widened, getting a chuckle out of him.
“Elior,” he said, his voice dropping a bit. “Did you get any sex-ed here? Did someone teach you about how your body works?”
I shook my head, confused why someone would have taught me anything of the sort.
His dark eyes saddened, but he gave me a soft smile. “Okay. That’s what I thought. It’s okay, just means I have to be careful.” He paused, cupping my cheek. I leaned into his touch, soothed by his gentleness. “Your dad didn’t talk to you about sex at all?”
“Um, well, Father said sex is for when married men and women want to have babies. And that masturbation is a sin,” I said quietly, not quite sure anymore.
Jace grimaced, then shook his head. “Babies can definitely be a result of heterosexual sex, but sex isn’t only about that. It’s more about intimacy and fun. It can deepen emotional bonds, or just be something focused on pleasure. And you definitely don’t need to be married to have it.”
“So people have sex even if they don’t want a baby?”
“All the time, cherub. Condoms and birth control are there for a reason.”
My brows creased. “Condoms? Birth control?”
Jace’s expression softened—part pity, part fondness, part something heavier I still didn’t have words for. “Yeah,” he murmured. “Okay, let’s slow down a little.”
He rinsed the cloth under the stream, then set it aside, leaving his hands free. For a moment, he just looked at me—really looked at me—as if deciding how much I could handle.
“Elior,” he said gently, “sex isn’t only for making babies. And it isn’t evil or lustful or whatever when your body reacts to things. Getting hard is normal. It’s just your body saying it’s healthy and everything works like it should.”
Heat flushed over my cheeks again. “So… it’s not sinful? When that happens?”
“No,” Jace said firmly, almost fiercely. “Not even a little. It’s as natural as breathing. Everyone gets aroused. It doesn’t mean you did something wrong.”
My lips parted slowly. “O-oh.”
Something in me loosened—something I hadn’t realized was wound tight.
Jace seemed to notice, because he stepped closer, brushing a wet strand of hair off my forehead. “You don’t need to be embarrassed about your body—or ashamed. There’s nothing dirty or wrong about the way you’re made.”
“But…” I swallowed, feeling small. “I feel stupid.”
Jace’s eyebrows pulled together instantly, a flash of protectiveness sharpening his features. “Hey,” he said, gently tilting my chin up. “Look at me.”
I did.
“You’re not,” he insisted. “You’re learning things you were never given the chance to learn. That takes courage, cherub.”
Courage.
