I clamped down on the thought, hard.
“I was…” My voice shook. “I was thinking about how I want to do better. For the congregation. For you.”
There was a long, horrible silence.
My throat was tight, and my lungs burned from holding my breath.
Finally, Father hummed—a soft, thoughtful sound that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
“Hm. Worry can be a distraction,” he said. “But worry born from devotion… that is forgivable.”
Relief rushed through me so quickly that it nearly made me faint.
“I see,” he murmured. “Very well. Go. Meditate before bed. And come to prayers tomorrow with a clear, focused mind.”
“Yes, Father,” I whispered.
He pushed the stool forward with his foot, then added, “You do not need to worry about such things, Elior. I will tell you if the Light wants something from you.”
He helped me down from the Seat, then dismissed me with a tilt of his chin.
“Goodnight, Father,” I murmured.
Father sighed but offered me a tired smile. “Goodnight, Elior.”
I kept my steps steady until I was out of the sanctuary and alone in my rooms.
Only then did I press my palm to my chest and breathe out.
I had lied.
To Father.
I had never lied to him aboutmyselfbefore—not like that.
But the thought of telling him the truth—telling him that Jace had touched me, that I’d let him, that I couldn’t stop thinking about him—
My whole body tightened.
No.
I couldn’t.
Father could never know.
10
Jace
It was the afternoon before confession when Malachi found me just as lunch cleanup was wrapping up, his hand settling on my shoulder with a weight that made my spine go stiff.
“Walk with me, Brother Jace,” he said pleasantly. The rest of the group assigned to cleanup duty averted their eyes and continued their tasks, no one questioning why the man who refused to eat with them was in the dining hall.
I followed him out the side door and around the back of the building.
Malachi stopped, clasping his hands behind his back. His white sleeves fluttered in the breeze, perfectly unwrinkled. He didn’t look at me right away. He just stood there like he was waiting for me to confess my sins.
When he must’ve realized I wasn’t going to talk, he cleared his throat. “Brother Jace. I’ve been meaning to meet with you to discuss how you’re settling in. You seem to be adjusting well.”
