I smile gratefully at her. “I’d like that.”
Dinner is served, and it looks outstanding. Due to the large brick currently rolling around in my stomach, I fake eating, spending the entirety of the dinner portion of the schedule pushing food around on my plate. As we get closer to the auction, Jamie’s leg begins to shake. Then I notice him rubbing the pads of two fingers together. Back and forth. Back and forth. He’s no longer conversing with anyone, and when I look out of the corner of my eye, I see his face has paled considerably. Without thinking, I rest a hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”
His body stills as he stares at my hand. Before I can react, he reaches up, grabbing it tightly. “No. No, I’m not okay. Audrey, I’m fuckinglostwithout you.”
Tears fill my eyes. “Maybe you should have thought about that months ago, Jameson.”
He winces. “Don’t call me that. I’m not Jameson to you.”
“I don’t think I really know who you are,” I whisper, watching as his eyes screw shut in pain. He lets go of my hand, then reaches into his tuxedo coat. Pulling out a small notebook, he hands it to me. “What’s this?”
“It’s me. It’s everything I should have said weeks ago. I think you’ll find that you’ve always known the real me, Doc. I just forgot for a moment.” Jamie stands, buttoning his coat. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a speech to make, and an auction to MC. Audrey, please read it. Please.”
I watch as he strides away, out a side door. Knowing my own challenges with overstimulation, I assume he’s off to get himself centered and in control. I bet he uses the same techniques he’s used when on the football field. I watch his retreating back before someone drops unceremoniously into Jamie’s vacant seat. I look to find his agent, Troy, studying me. “How much did you hear that morning?”
“Enough,” I snap.
“Did you give him a chance to explain?” he asks, but before I can reply, he continues. “No. You assumed the worst and blocked him. He’s a shell of his former self, barely surviving, and he’s in training camp. He might lose the starting position, did you know that?”
“Woah,” Maddox says, standing. “It’s not her fault, man.”
“Oh?” Troy replies, his eyebrows raised defiantly. “It sure seems like she’s the catalyst. My guy was doing fine until she rolled into his life like a fucking wrecking ball.”
“I didn’t ask for any of this,” I tell him defensively. “I didn’t ask to be hidden like I’m an embarrassment. To be made to feel like I’m less than. To second-guess my entire existence because aman was embarrassed by me. I certainly didn’t ask to fall in love with him, yet here we are.”
Troy laughs sardonically. “You know, for someone so smart, you’re really fucking stupid.”
“Cool it, Troy,” Max says rigidly. “You’re only saying this because Jamie isn’t here.”
“Well, someone has to!” he explodes. “He told me about you weeks ago. He wouldn’t tell me your name, but I knew it was you. Then, when I began questioning him that morning you somehow overheard our conversation, I second-guessed myself. Jamie isn’t a liar. He despises liars, frankly. So for him to lie to me, I just couldn’t believe it.”
“Maybe he didn’t lie,” I whisper hesitantly.
Troy rolls his eyes. “He fucking lied, Audrey. You’re the only woman. There hasn’t been a woman in his life in years. He lied because he’s so petrified you’ll run when you see what his life really is like. How he can never be himself. How he has two gates to go through at home, because people don’t leave him alone. He thought he’d finally found his match. You accepted him, exactly as he is. Hell, he fucking told the entire world he’s autistic because of you. No way in hell he would have done that six months ago. He’s in love with you.”
I shake my head as tears fall freely. “I’m not to blame for him announcing he’s autistic. No way you’re gonna fault me for that one.”
“Jesus, you’re as stubborn as he is,” Troy mutters. “I wasn’t blaming you. I’ve been telling him for years he didn’t need to hide. He’s a brilliant quarterback, and I believe it’s partially due to how his brain works. There’s a misconception that autistic individuals can’t do certain things, like professional sports, and he’s proof that they can. He’s going to bring so much hope to a new generation of kids. That is largely due to your support of him. You showed him that he can be accepted exactly as he is.No woman has ever shown him that, not even his own mom. You are the sole reason for him finally having the confidence to stand proudly as himself. But if you don’t give him another chance, I’m not sure how he’ll handle it.”
“I don’t — I mean, I can’t —” I stammer, then stop when I see Jamie walking on stage. Troy quickly slides into his own seat, acting as if he hasn’t been berating me since Jamie stepped away. I look up to find Jamie’s intense gaze solely on me, and we both take deep inhales. Simultaneously. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. I laugh at the absurdity of it all, and Jamie smiles. A genuine smile so perfect it makes my heart ache.
“May I have your attention please. If you are participating in the bachelor auction, please make your way to the front of the stage. You’ll be directed where to go. I have a bunch of rules to go over with all the prospective bidders, so be sure to listen. But before we get started, I have some things I’d like to say.”
Audrey’sbeautiful gaze is locked on mine. I don’t look down at the stack of cards at the podium, as none of this is planned. I need to say all of this directly from my heart.
“Around five months ago, I was tasked with MC-ing this event, and told by the board of the foundation that I needed to help a local veterinarian plan it. Known only as Doctor A, I assumed the vet was a guy. Luckily, I was wrong. “ A wave of pleasant laughter fills the ballroom as I continue. “I was matched with Doctor Audrey Carrington, a brilliant veterinarian with one of the kindest hearts I’ve ever had the privilege to meet. While I had looked forward to planning this event about as much as someone looks forward to a root canal, I found my time with Audrey to be so unexpectedly enjoyable. And that even includes our first night planning this event, when I got so anxious I threw up as soon as I walked in her front door.”
Hushed gasps fill the air. “That’s right, folks. I barfed. Hard. I’m not sure of many things in the world that could be any more emasculating than that. But Audrey took it all in stride, neveronce making me feel embarrassed. And that’s the thing: Audrey is the most genuine person I’ve ever met.”
I see Becca and Jax nodding their heads in my periphery, but my eyes don’t leave Audrey’s. Her face is devoid of expression, but a constant stream of tears cascades down her face. I wish I could go to her. Promise to take away every bit of pain I know I’m responsible for delivering. “You may think I’m making that up, but a few days after that night, while texting back and forth, Audrey ghosted me. But not for a reason you might think. She found a box of guinea pigs dropped off at her vet clinic, immediately fell in love with all five of them, and is now raising them herself. Along with her handicapped dog, conveniently named Flash. Audrey is a single mom of six, I guess.”
Louder laughter breaks out, and I notice Audrey’s lips twitch. I’m taking that as a good sign. “I should have known I was in trouble — or, at the very least, my heart was — when she point-blank asked me if I’m autistic. And she didn’t bat an eyelash. In fact, I think my admission may have worked in my favor. She saw something in me that so few have ever seen. I’ve hidden the real me, choosing to use a variety of masks I’ve taught myself how to use, and act like real Jamie isn’t worthy. Or lovable. But Audrey proved me wrong. She patiently taught me that I’m enough. And then I went and fucked it all up.”
A crescendo of gasps fill the air, but I wave for everyone to stop. “Even though I had gained a tremendous amount of confidence from Audrey, I was still broken in one sore area. I was convinced that, if Audrey were to be introduced to the public as mine, she’d be so freaked out that she’d leave. She’d want nothing to do with me, because what self-respecting woman wants her entire life to be under a microscope? So, when my agent pressed me about any budding romance between me and Audrey, I lied. And I’m an awful liar. He saw right through me, but unbeknownst to me, Audrey was listening through myphone. I’d accidentally connected an incoming call from her, and she heard me lie to my agent. But she didn’t know I was lying.”
Emotion fills my eyes as I look down on her. “I’m so sorry, Doc. I’m so sorry that you thought for a second I’d want anyone but you. It was an awful attempt to protect you. As misguided as I was, I wanted to give you time to come to terms with what life would be like with me. I wanted you to be certain that you thought I was worth it. I didn’t want to force your hand, or feel like the media outed you when you weren’t ready. And now,” I say with a watery laugh, “I’ve outed you in front of a thousand or so people, and a ton of media outlets. I’m really batting a thousand here.”
Many laugh, but my attention is only focused on Audrey. She swipes at a tear, but her gaze doesn’t leave mine. My notebook, which became a diary over the past two weeks, is held tightly to her chest. “Audrey, you’ve taught me so much. I’m a better man because of you. I’m begging you to give me another chance. Let me grovel, and beg, and do everything within my power to convince you that you are a fucking goddess. I need to be in your orbit.”
