She shakes her head. “No, it’s me. I need a minute. I can’t be touched right now. It’s an overstimulation thing.”
“I understand. I get that way too.” After incredibly intense games, especially when I’m unable to shut off the noise of the fans, I need time to decompress before I can speak to the media. Times when I’m out and get mobbed by fans I have an evenworse time recentering myself. It’s a relief to know that I can step back in this moment, give Audrey her space, and know that I’m not offending her. Plus, when I undoubtedly have a case of overstimulation in the future, Audrey will respect my boundaries as well.
Stepping back, I sit on the couch as I watch as Audrey frets over her dog. It’s fascinating to see her transform from a pet owner to a veterinarian. I watch, captivated, as she murmurs quietly to herself, and I assume she’s going through some kind of injury checklist. When she seems satisfied that Flash isn’t injured, she lets out a relieved breath, closing her eyes. A minute or two later, she carefully picks Flash up, and places her onto her dog bed by the couch. Then she turns to me, and I can see the despair in her eyes. I don’t approach her, waiting to see what she does. I’ll only move when I know she’s regulated and comfortable.
“Flash is all I have,” she whispers. “Obviously the relationship I have with my family is contentious at best. I don’t have a lot of girlfriends. Flash became like a child for me, and the thought that something might happen to her …”
“I know,” I say quietly, then I confess something I’ve only told my therapist. “I watched a neighbor kill my dog when I was a kid.”
Audrey gasps, coming to sit beside me. Her hands cover mine in a move I’m learning is subconscious, but it’s comforting all the same. “That’s awful! I’m so sorry, Jamie. Why?”
I shrug. “I never knew the reason. My dog got out, which he’d been known to do from time to time. My parents didn’t have the best relationship with the neighbor, who was an old man, very set in his ways. There was a spot between our fences that Brody liked to dig through, and I tried to catch him before he made it into the guy’s yard. As soon as I followed him under, I heard the shot.”
“How old were you?” Audrey asks softly, her eyes brimming with tears.
“Nine.”
She gasps again, covering her mouth with her hands. “You were so little! What did your parents do?”
“Nothing.”
“What?” she cries. “How could they do nothing?”
“Neighbor said he thought it was a cougar, and that it was an accident. But I saw the look in his eyes. It was intentional. My parents offered to get me another dog, but I said no. I didn’t want to experience the pain of losing another dog. I’ve never owned a dog again.”
“Is that why you have cats?”
“I guess so. My cats are solely indoor cats, so I can control their environment, and what people they come into contact with. It’s also why I started my foundation. We provide trap-neuter-release programs, training for both professionals and new pet owners, and work with shelters and rescues on ensuring pets are placed in good homes. I can’t prevent another dog from being shot by a neighbor, but I can make sure that training is accessible to families. If we’d had training, I could have shouted a one-word command that Brody immediately followed.”
“I saw most of what your foundation offers on the website, but I had no idea how personal it is for you. I’m so sorry, Jamie,” she says, her voice soft, and filled with pain. “I’ve worked with a local trainer who teaches her clients to pick a specific recall word for emergency situations, like running into the road. I’m sure it could have been beneficial for your dog, but it sounds like your neighbor had a vendetta against you and your dog anyway.”
“Possibly. But I understand what happened tonight. How you feared for her life, and how you immediately thought losing her would impact your world. I get it.”
“Thank you for being so understanding,” she whispers. “About her and about how I reacted.”
“Of course. That jump in adrenaline put your senses into overdrive. I know how to handle some of it, but there are times when I’m hit with something unexpected. Game days I have everything down to the minute. I’ve been playing long enough that I can even handle kinks in my schedule. But sometimes, I get thrown such a massive curveball that my body almost seizes up. If my anxiety gets too high, I’ll have a panic attack, or I might throw up, like I did the first night I came here. Typically afterwards, I feel an equal sense of relief and guilt over how my body seemed to take control however it wanted.”
Her smile is slightly wobbly as she responds. “I have an adrenaline crash. Right now, I’m suddenly so unbelievably exhausted, but at the same time, I want to curl myself around Flash and count how many times she breathes per minute.”
“How can I help? If the best thing I can do is leave, feel free to tell me. If you’d like me to count her breaths while you sleep, I can do that as well. Give me my marching orders, Doc.”
Her mouth opens and closes a couple of times before she finally answers. “I know that some cats can be left alone for days at a time. Is that true with yours?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I say with a confused laugh. Audrey gives me a shy look, clearly hesitant to say what she wants. “I have a pet sitter check on them when I’m out of town, but they’ve been left alone for a night or two without any issues. What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“It’s just …” she trails off, closing her eyes as she takes a deep breath. “I thought maybe you could sleep over tonight. I don’t want to be alone.”
“Of course I’ll stay,” I reply, pulling her into my arms. She comes willingly, fitting perfectly as her legs straddle mine, andwe both sigh. This woman is quickly becoming a safe zone for me, and I can only hope she feels the same way about me.
Audrey lets out a relieved exhale as she gives me a genuine smile. “Okay. Good. I’ll get Flash all situated in her kennel, then meet you in the bedroom.”
She pecks my lips quickly before jumping out of my lap. Scooping Flash up, she murmurs quietly into Flash’s ear, giving me a moment to adjust myself. My body responds to Audrey’s nearness, regardless of the circumstances. Tonight is not the night for any bedroom activities, and I mentally tell my cock to simmer the hell down.
Standing, I quietly walk past Audrey as she places Flash in her cage, then stop when Audrey speaks up. “I have extra toothbrushes under the sink in my attached bathroom. Probably anything else you might need as well.”
I laugh as I enter her bedroom, the familiar scent of her filling my nostrils. It’s a mixture of lavender and rose, and I imagine the lavender is from her shampoo or conditioner, as I recognize it after waking up with my face buried in her hair. Walking into the bathroom, I open the cabinet to locate a new toothbrush, chuckling as I notice the same setup as her guest bathroom, with each item categorized by type and size. The rose smell is stronger in here, and I peek into her shower, trying to locate the possible culprit.
And that’s when I notice her vibrator.
