“I knew from the first moment I saw Lord Navatian at our campfire. His mind was easy to read.”
“Couldn’t you have told me?!” My voice comes out weaker than I want.
He shakes his head. “You were constantly wallowing in self-pity; reasoning with you was impossible.”
You didn’t try.
No, I didn’t. I am sorry.
The realisation stomps on the heart I was barely beginning to glue together and shatters it all over again. This time the pieces are too small to repair. I was right. They would destroy me.
Joke’s on me for being a naive, desperate doormat. I don’t deserve anything else, and I shouldn’t let myself think otherwise.
And the worst part? They don’t believe in me. That thought overshadows everything else. I thought they trusted I could be a good Queen, even after what I’ve done. But they’re only here because I’m useless; they need to manipulate me into doing the right thing.
Their kindness was a scheme.
I count to ten to steady my breathing, hoping my words won’t come out in hiccups.
“We’ll talk later,” I command and turn away without looking at them.
“Don’t go. Please, let’s talk about that.” Jestin’s plea follows me, but I don’t stop, even as the remnants of my heart wallow in grief. I don’t want to add to his hurt, but… no. I need to be alone.
Yet I stop before leaving, one last truth clawing to escape.
“You know me. I’ve never hidden anything — my desires, my character — yet you’ve chosen to reveal only the truths you want me to see.”
Silence follows me as I walk through the Heart of the Forest. I lack the strength to appreciate its beauty. The elegant web of treehouses, the shimmer of lanternlight.
Shame burns my cheeks. Shame that I focus on myself when there are far more important matters: Nulok, the war, my family.
“We have time to fix it,” Aidon appears beside me.
“I said I want to be alone.”
“It wasn’t my ruse,” he says, catching my hand.
“You’re following me because you want to exploit my blood. I don’t know which is worse,” I hiss, feeling eyes on me.
“Didn’t you like it?” he asks, turning towards me.
I did. That’s why it hurts so much.
Chapter 20
“You shouldn’t go alone.” Jestin has already said it a dozen times. Like a barrel organ — persistent and irritating, but still somehow impressive.
I have no idea how he manages to keep his hair flawless while grieving. I looked like a gravehag for months.
I won’t snap at him, only because he’s suffering. Instead, I settle on rolling my eyes. They are in danger of falling out from the repetitive movement. Knowing the prick, he won’t stop, even when my eye fluids decorate the mossy soil.
Goodbye, my beautiful golden eyes. It was nice to have you here.
Aidon only shakes his head. If I didn’t know better, I would say he is disappointed that I can’t let it go.
I have every right to be upset.
Riven offers me a tiny smile, but I don’t return it. I don’t want anything from them; they can stick it up their arseholes and push it up their bowels with a plunger, to make sure it stays there.
