The times when someone can hold a mirror to your face and say,what do you see?That’s how I feel right now.
“We are unraveling the ball of yarn. As you know, we won’t solve this in one session. So as we wrap up, what is the new narrative?”
I giggle at myself. Despite all the schooling and therapy training, it’s always helpful to have an outside therapist helping you sort through your life challenges. There’s only so much I cando on my own. It takes an outside person to dig to the depths you don’t want to see.
“My new narrative is…I don’t have all the answers, but my heart is tugging at me to find Jude and talk to him about my fears and worries. My new narrative is what I choose. I’m choosing happiness. He lights me up like no one else has ever done, and the way my body reacts to him is nothing short of phenomenal. I’m taking a chance that love will see us through to the other side. That’s why I bought the plane ticket to surprise him. I can’t wait any longer without telling him all of this. Our story isn’t over.”
“I’m excited that you are stepping out and flying to see him. You should be proud of that. It’s a big step for you. Please set up another appointment for next week so we can continue to dig into these feelings.”
“I will. Thank you again for giving me this spot on your calendar.” I walk out of the room, feeling grateful for my life.
I’m following my heart, which leads me straight to Jude.
FORTY-TWO
JUDE
Wednesday morning arrives quickly. The sun streams through the bedroom window. This house is absolutely stunning. Fortunately, the snow didn’t cause a delay for my flight. Landing at Boston’s Logan Airport a little after midnight meant there was no traffic to deal with. My body aches from the lack of sleep and all the packing I did over the past few days. It was all worth it, knowing I’d be staying just minutes away from Faith instead of thousands of miles away.
Last night, I texted Eve to tell her I arrived at the lake house and shared the address with her. So, it wasn’t a surprise when the doorbell rang. She must be here. I head over to open the door, and in rushes Maya, squealing and wrapping her arms around my legs. She’s the most adorable little thing. Her pure joy and excitement are infectious, and I can’t help but smile as I pick her up and swing her around.
Thankfully, Eve came with her playpen and toys. As an only child, she’s good at entertaining herself.
We both settle onto the couch, exhaling deeply. She wears a mischievous expression.
“What’s all that?” I ask, making circles with my finger, gesturing to her face.
“I have some news, but that’s not why I’m here. You need a heart to heart with your favorite sister.”
I shake my head and laugh. “You’re my only sister, but yes a heart to heart sounds like exactly what I need.” I decide to get right into it. “Initially, Faith argued that I live across the country, but I’ve taken care of that. It’s a moot point. The bigger issue she told me about was that she may not be able to have children and that she’s scared I’m going to leave her again.”
“Okay, that’s heavy. You’ve never mentioned wanting kids before, so tell me what you're thinking.”
“Eve, I never thought I’d be in a serious relationship, so I haven’t given it much consideration, hence my answer. I told her we would figure it out,” I confess, my brow furrowed in thought. “The only time it crosses my mind is when I’m with you, Erick, and Maya. Watching the three of you together reminds me of what my life is missing—a sense of family.” I pause, glancing at my niece in her playpen. “She thinks it matters to me, and I told her we’d figure it out. Then our time was over, she needed to leave, and we didn’t circle back to have an in-depth conversation about it.”
“Wow! You’ve really been thinking about this,” Eve says, nodding as she watches the sincerity in my eyes.
“Since Faith brought it up, I’ve done a lot of reflecting. It’s not a deal breaker for me. If she can’t biologically have kids, I’m okay with exploring alternatives—like adoption or surrogacy. I’m staying open to hear her thoughts, too. I’m kicking myself for not sharing more with her, but who knows? It might not have even come out right and probably would have made the situation worse.”
“I can tell you’re serious about this and her.”
“I have never been more serious in my life,” I reply with conviction, my voice steady. It’s crystal-clear to me what I want for my future.
I’m excited to spend time with my niece; I love watching her walk around and hearing her infectious giggles fill the room. Moving back home was the best decision I could have made, and a profound sense of contentment fills me. I’m that much closer to having everything I want in my life.
“Whatever happens, you’ll know you fought for her,” my sister says. “There won’t be any regrets or guilt like last time.”
“You’re right,” I reply, determination in my words. “I’m not giving up. When we were in Aruba, I knew with certainty she was made for me. She felt scared and worried. Now that I’m here, I can show her that, even though we don’t know how our story ends, it’s worth figuring it all out. Together.”
“Be truthful about what you want and how you’re feeling. It sounds like you were open with her in Aruba. Keep doing what you’re doing, bro,” Eve says as she wraps her arms around me in a hug. Her eyes sparkle with excitement, and a wide grin stretches across her face. “I have news to share,” she announces, her voice bubbling with excitement.
“And?” I can’t contain my excitement any longer, my legs bounce up and down in anticipation of what she has to tell me.
“I’m pregnant,” Eve announces, her eyes twinkling with joy.
If there were even the smallest doubt in my mind about this move being the wrong decision, it’s completely dispelled now. My sister’s pregnancy is all the confirmation I need, solidifying my belief that I’m exactly where I want to be, regardless of what the future holds.
I leap off the couch and wrap her in a tight hug. Two beautiful kiddos to love and spoil.
