It felt like hours in the car, but in reality, it was about thirty-five minutes. We park and get out. As we walk to the front of the restaurant, Kai lightly has his hand resting on my lower back, guiding me through the door. I’m not sure what I think about that. It isn’t revolting, so that’s a win.
Our table is ready, and we take our seats. Kai pulls out the chair for me to sit, and I thank him. Once he takes his seat, I look around, observing. A lively hum of conversation takes over; almost every table is occupied. Servers weave between tables, balancing trays of dishes, their footsteps quick and purposeful. It’s surprisingly bustling for a Sunday night.
We browse the menus and choose the calamari appetizer along with some drinks. I opt for root beer since I’ve had my fill of frozen margaritas lately. The server brings us water, bread, and drink coasters before taking our order. The aroma of the bread has my stomach growling.
“What do you do for fun?” I ask and then take a bite of my bread.
“Well, I like to go out to eat and watch movies, but I also enjoy being home. I bought a fixer upper that I’ve been workingon for a few months now. I spend most of my spare time renovating it. I’m not a bar person, and I don’t typically go out with the guys. I’m more of a homebody.”
I giggle at the fact he’s a homebody, too. My expression softens and my body relaxes. “I am, too. And you’re renovating a house by yourself.”
“I mean, I have a day job.” He winks at me. “And I hire for plumbing and electrical, but I handle most of the updating on my own. My brother will help if I get stuck, but he’s busy with his contracting business, so I try not to bother him too much.”
“That’s pretty amazing. You can work with your hands. Not everyone has that ability.”
The server sets our drinks and appetizer on the table, and we dish out some calamari onto our small plates. In between bites, we take turns asking each other questions. He is engaging and a good listener—exactly the type of guy I thought I wanted. I’ve always believed that finding someone similar to me is what I wanted in my life. Just a week ago, that would have been enough for me. I would have settled for someone like Kai but may not have been truly happy. It strikes me like a lightning bolt. I’m truly happy with only one person. The guy who came into my life when I least expected it—on a resort.
It’s Jude. He makes me happy. Even my friends saw it.
The date wraps up, and I can’t get over how much Kai would be right for me. I could date him and see where it goes. That’s the old me, the last week me, the one who wanted to play it safe when it came to falling in love.
Unfortunately for Kai, I’m rethinking all of this.
We talk the entire way back to my house. It’s easy and I feel comfortable. He asks me questions about my life—about me. But there’s something missing. Conversations that are meaningful with someone you’re attracted to usually create sparks. There are no sparks flying over here. He is a nice guy, and he’sdefinitely attentive. He has exceptional qualities, but there’s no electricity. My fingers aren’t prickling—my body isn’t hot. Nothing. This just isn’t it. I don’t feel the way I do with Jude, especially after the most wonderful days of my life that were full of connection, electricity, and whole-body shivers; the fact that those days were sprinkled with mind blowing orgasms was just a bonus.
He walks me to the door, but the distance is apparent. I’m walking feet away from him, and he makes no move to kiss me. He’s such a great guy; he’s just not for me, and I need to let him know and not drag this out.
“Kai, I had a really nice time…”
“But…” he says, dragging it out. “I noticed there were times you were somewhere else.”
“Yeah, life was not this complicated when we set up this date, and now it seems to be.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me. I enjoyed our time, and I’d like to take you out again, if your life gets uncomplicated.”
What a seriously nice guy. He’s super understanding.
“I’ll definitely let you know.”
We say our goodbyes, and I shuffle up the porch stairs and step into my house. With the door closed, I lean against it and breathe a sigh of relief. Frankly, I haven’t put all the pieces together. But the one thing I know is…Jude fits with me.
Sliding down to the floor, I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs and put my head down. This need for him in my life is all consuming to the point I get up off the floor and go straight to my bedroom closet. I know exactly where it is. The box that hides all my mementos from when Jude and I used to date. Dried flowers, songs he wrote, notes we passed in class; all of it sends warmth through my body. Holding the one thing that brings it all back is the picture of us in a frame thatI made. We look happy with our arms around each other—like nothing could break us.
With zero hesitation, I pick up my phone and text my friends.
Faith:
Come over…BIG NEWS TO SHARE!
FORTY-ONE
FAITH
“There’s no denying the deep happiness I experienced in Aruba with Jude,” I mutter, staring at my hands as if they hold the answers. “He invades my dreams. My thoughts circle around him, but I can’t shake off the doubt and worry completely. I’ve been picturing how things would have unfolded if I hadn’t left the way I did.”
“Always protecting yourself,” Addison declares with a knowing tone.
With my head in my hands, I say, “I’m regretting leaving him the way I did. And you’re right.”
