He holds me tighter. “Maybe if I had reached out sooner things could’ve been different. I don’t know, maybe I was running away, too,” he admits, rubbing his forehead. “I realize my apology can’t erase the hurt I caused you, and I hope you understand that.” His tone conveys everything I need to hear.He’s sincere, and I still know him well. He’s a good person who made some regrettable choices.
Having this honest discussion with him opens my mind and heart to his pain. We all have struggles in life, and those struggles change us. I’m more guarded than I’ve ever been in my life, and my heart has a gigantic wall around it. No one has ever occupied my heart since Jude. Now, that wall feels like it’s crumbling under his care and touch.
“I do, Jude.” A hint of regret is seeping in. If I had stayed in touch with his mom and sister, I might have learned about his accident. Perhaps we could have sorted things out back then, though it’s hard to imagine that with all the hurt. I likely would have slammed the door in his face. After the first Christmas we spent apart, I severed ties with his mom and sister. It was just too painful being around them and in the house where Jude and I spent so much time together.
In my Christmas card to them the following year, I shared how I was still experiencing a lot of pain and needed some distance. His mom wrote me back and said she completely understood and to reach out if I needed anything. She was always someone that I could count on and was always supportive. I wish my mom was supportive, but instead my mom just pushed me to achieve more and forget about boys all together. It was always about getting better grades and being perfect. She wasn’t supportive when it came to the abortion. That’s when our relationship changed for good. I wasn’t her perfect little girl anymore, and there was no way I’d get in her good graces again. I’m thankful I have my friends to fill that void.
“I can’t imagine what I would have done if you had come for me. We were young, and you were my first love—my only love.” Wow, I can’t believe I just said that. I’ve let my defensesslip. Everything he’s done over the last few days has been like removing one brick at a time from the wall around my heart.
As he strokes my hair, my body molds to his even further. “You’ve been my only love, too. No one has lived up to that standard, which is why I’m still single.” He takes a deep breath, “And that’s why I gave up dating a long time ago to focus on my business.”
With butterflies in my stomach, I say, “We might have some things in common.” I chuckle and add, “I’ve been doing the same thing, but my friends keep arranging dates for me, and I go just to keep them quiet.” My head shakes as I recall all those unsuccessful dates because they weren’t Jude. It’s unbelievable that I’m lying on this man’s chest.
The possibilities of what could happen race through my mind. This intense longing for him is driving me crazy. As I trail my hand down his muscular, tattooed biceps, heat builds between my legs, and I shift, hoping to ease the throbbing. The faint scent of fresh rain lingers on him, and I can’t stop imagining him caressing me all over, in every way.
“Yeah, my friends gave up on me a long time ago. When I kept saying no, they realized I wouldn’t budge,” Jude admits, still playing with my hair.
“My friends, well, mostly Kendall, find creative ways to set me up. I have a hard time saying no.”
He stares at the TV. “Dating is awful. And it looks like limited movie choices.”
“Yeah, I mean, they have the firstFast and Furious, which brings me back to when we would lie on your couch and watch it.”
He kisses the top of my head and says, “This will be like old times, that’s for sure.”
TWENTY-FIVE
JUDE
As the credits roll, I feel her resting on my chest, asleep since halfway through the movie. I stay still, not wanting to disturb her. At this moment, with endless possibilities ahead, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here. I love just holding her close and breathing in her vanilla aroma that sticks to me. She’s the one for me, and I’m hoping I can show her we’re meant to be together.
As I stroke her hair and kiss her temple, just enough to get her to move, I say, “I’m going to let you sleep for a while. Then I’ll come back and check on you.”
“Where are you going?” she asks, eyes still closed and resting in bed like an angel.
“Wedding prep duties. Don’t worry, I’ll be back. I’m taking your extra key card, so I won't bother you when I come back.”
“Alright, that sounds good,” she replies with a yawn. I take a moment to look at her before leaving the room.
As I step out, I remind myself that I’ll return to her. Today, those words feel different, carrying more weight than ever before. I’m not letting her slip away again. I’ll follow her anywhere in this world.
I wander through the resort to my suite, feeling dazed. As I enter the courtyard, I can tell my friends notice I’m still wearing yesterday’s clothes, and I see their raised eyebrows. I offer them my best wave and smile.
Klara is the first to come up to me and slaps my shoulder. “Spill, where have you been?”
She’ll insist on all the details. Max will, too. I glance around to see where he is. Max shakes his head and stalks over to me as he throws his arm around Klara. “Don’t harass my guy.” He plants a kiss on the top of Klara’s head and starts laughing.
I decide to catch them up on my escapades—right up to the cuddling with her in bed and watching a movie.
“Dude, this is a big deal. What are you going to do?” Max asks.
“There’s more to share with her about things that happened, and I’m going to do that today. It’s all happening so fast, but there’s no way to slow this train down. I’m full speed ahead,” I say with conviction.
“You’ve been waiting a lifetime for her. This is your chance,” Klara says. She steps away from Max and gives me a reassuring hug.
“I’m not letting this pass me by. I plan to show her a couple of my letters and talk to her.”
“Wedding stuff is the least of your concerns. There are only two things that need to get done, and Charlie already told us she was taking care of them, so you’re off the hook.” Klara holds her hand over her heart.
