Why did we break up?
Why did he leave?
Why did he not call me after the abortion?
There it is, the crux of all of this. He completely abandoned me when I needed him the most. A stray tear flows out of my eye and down my cheek. As I wipe it away, it reminds me of all the hurt I felt for so many years.
The resort hums around us as we sit, and they finish their desserts. Couples walk by holding hands or with their arms wrapped around each other. Is it this place that’s making me want to meet up with him? Seeing happy couples all around me is not helping. Tonight is about moving on.
Closure.
“You won’t regret it. This is what you need. It’s your chance,” Kendall says, reiterating what she thinks is best for me.
I stare blankly at the sky. My world won’t end if I go. With that thought, the knot in my stomach loosens. Not knowing what will happen has me on edge, but I think I need to just go.
Lane takes my hands in hers and says, “Faith, there are times we need to put ourselves out there. This is one of them.”
“I’m not good at taking risks. You know I like to plan out everything,” I say with a shake of my head.
“Ah yes, we know you do. And this is one of those moments in your life that you need to step out and go for it. I believe if you let this moment go, you’ll regret it.” Lane squeezes my hand and rubs it.
“Closure sounds like exactly what I need,” I say, feeling more convinced I’m making the right decision.
I stand up and hook my bag onto my shoulder. “I’ll catch up with you guys later.”
“We’re here for you. Text us when you finish,” Kendall tells me with love and affection in her emerald-green eyes.
“That sounds perfect.” As I go around the table and hug my friends tightly, I say, “Thank you. I love you guys.”
I take a deep breath, push my shoulders back, and march out the restaurant door. I walk with determination over to where Jude is sitting. He looks freshly showered, and his hair is still damp as it flops to one side. His black board shorts are paired with a Hawaiian-style button-down shirt. Those tattooed biceps that are flexing with his every move has me doing a double take and scolding myself for staring extra-long.
I’m here for closure, but he is quite distracting to my eyes. Heat blooms in my core. Our eyes lock, and it feels like a magnet that’s pulling me toward him as he takes all the air out of my lungs.
TWENTY
JUDE
She is stunning in her short black-and-silver dress. The fabric wraps around those beautiful curves as she sways toward me. The dress catches the light and sparkles, reminding me I want to worship her every day for the rest of my life. I can’t take my eyes off of her as I get out of my seat and stand. Our eyes meet, her pace slows, and I meet her where she stands.
Out of habit, I take her hand in mine as she smiles. The shockwave that thunders through my body is jolting. She shivers but doesn’t let go. Sure, it’s bold, but I don’t care. This is my time to show her I’m all in. We head to the patio area where we find a high-top table. It’s quieter on the patio, which is great—we can talk. The ambiance of twinkling lights and the moon bright in the sky makes tonight perfect.
With a reluctant sigh, I let her hand slip from mine. Pulling out her chair with a gentle scrape against the floor, I gesture for her to sit. As I settle into the chair beside her, I can't help but lose myself in her presence. She actually came tonight. A part of me thought she might blow me off, which I’m sure I deserve.
“Thanks for coming out tonight,” I say, my voice carrying a mix of gratitude and relief. My focus shifts from the table backto her, and a wave of reassurance washes over me. We’re finally together again.
“I’m not sure where to begin,” I admit, my thoughts a tangled mass of emotions. “There’s so much I want to share.”
Nervously, I wipe my sweaty palms against my shorts, hoping the fabric will absorb some of the moisture. “You look gorgeous tonight,” I say, in total awe of her.
She shifts slightly in her seat, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear with a shy smile. “Thank you,” she replies.
I reach out and touch her shoulder, feeling the slight shiver that runs through her as goosebumps appear on her skin. “You’ve had such a positive impact on my life,” I confess, my voice serious. “I want you to know how important you were to me. I made so many mistakes back then.”
She nods, absorbing my words. At first, an expression of understanding crosses her face, then, there’s a flash of pain.
I press on, pouring out my heart. “For years, I’ve wanted to tell you that I still love you,” I say, but pause for a few seconds to gather my swirling thoughts. “Back then, I let my friends convince me to end things. They said I wouldn’t have time for a relationship and that a long-distance relationship would never work. I let their opinions cloud my judgment. But the biggest mistake I made was not finding a way back to you after you told me about the pregnancy.”
I’ve kicked myself every single day about it. It’s one thing to break up with someone, but I should’ve handled the news about her pregnancy differently. I was already halfway to Utah by then, but I should’ve been there for her…helped her. Something. But she said not to go back and that she was fine. I know she was saying that to let me off the hook, and in reality, I know her better than that. The tone she had with me wasn’t convincing. After hearing the news, I should have found the nearest airport and flew home to be with her. Again, my friends convinced me ifshe said she was okay with me not being there then I should let it go.
