"What are you talking about?" Kendall questions, following my gaze.
That laugh…it's unmistakable. I haven't heard it in over a decade. Thankfully, I'm seated, because the shock makes me feelfaint. I had a suspicion when I first spotted him, but now it's all crashing down on me.
The hair.
The body.
The mannerisms.
The laugh.
“It’s Jude.MyJude from high school,” I say, my voice trembling with certainty as my heart pounds against my ribcage. I sit frozen on the stool. The sound of the people around me makes it feel like I’m in a tunnel. A tightness grips my chest, and each breath becomes a struggle. My mouth opens, but words betray me, lost in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Memories flood in—his laughter that used to wrap around me, comfort me, and make me feel loved—but then a sharp sting jolts my heart when I remember how he threw it all away. The crack in my heart breaks deeper, and I feel it all over again. I spent so many years healing myself, but now it feels like it happened only yesterday.
“Faith, it’s ok. He hasn’t noticed you,” Lane reassures me with her soothing voice. She edges closer and wraps a comforting arm around me. “You’re about to freak out; I see it in your eyes. Just breathe.” Her words are a lifeline, and her calm voice eases the tightness in my chest, like a knot unraveling. Grounding myself in this moment, I feel acceptance wash over me.
Still, that doesn’t stop me from staring at his arms touching a blonde-haired woman with a rocking hot body and a tiny pink bikini. They look cozy with each other. She grabs his tattooed biceps and smiles. I watch them. They look happy and comfortable, and all those good memories of Jude and I come rushing back again. The two years we dated and all the time we spent together play out in my mind.
My girlfriends know the story of Jude—the guy who broke my heart and devastated me. They were around for the breakup aftermath but only saw pictures of him. I don’t need them to confirm it’s him—I feel it.
I continue to be mesmerized. He looks different from all those years ago—stronger, confident. Despite knowing it’s him, my mind can’t seem to comprehend what my eyes are seeing.
Jude is here. On the resort. With another woman.
He looks like he just walked off a magazine cover with those tan, rippled abs and impeccable tattoos. The overwhelming urge to run away to my hotel room is brutal.
“I can’t do this,” I say, practically jumping off the stool and rushing toward my hotel room.
I need to remove myself from the situation so I can breathe and think. Writing in my journal has gotten me through so much in my life, but right now, I can’t. The best thing for me to do is to take a shower and wash away all these unwanted feelings. I throw off all my clothes and turn on the water.
Once I make it to the room, I undress quicky and step into the shower. The hot water beats down on my back as I tip my head back to let it stream through my hair and massage my scalp. I breathe through my nausea. I don’t want to believe Jude is on this resort. What are the odds of seeing into him so many years later?
Suddenly, it all comes crashing down. The ragged sobs wail out of me. The tears fall fast, like a waterfall, and I’m transported back in time. Back when Jude abandoned me and left for Utah without a second thought. The knife that stabs my heart again and again, making me feel like I’m bleeding out. I fall to my knees as the water rains over my body trying to cleanse me and rid me of the losses. My hand goes to my hip, running my fingers over the tattoo, and more sobs escape me.
I’m stuck in my life, alone, and with no one to share it with. Being on this resort with all the happy couples and weddings on the beach just throws it all in my face. Still, it didn’t really hit me until I realized the man I was staring at was Jude—and another woman was next to him. He’s happy, it seems. And my life is missing that special person…my one true love. Deep down, I always hoped we’d reconnect at some point. That dream dwindled as more time passed, and now the glimmer of hope that my soulmate would come back to me is shattered into a million pieces.
I pick myself up off the floor, drained of all energy, and wash away all the hurt. I shut off the shower and step out, drying myself with the nearby towel. The exhaustion takes over my body, and I throw myself onto the bed, knowing I need to move on from this heartache.
I’m a therapist. I know the negative effects of avoidance, but it doesn't matter. The name of the game is surviving the next week while knowing Jude is here too. As my body sinks deeper into the bed, I decide the only way to make it through this trip is to avoid Jude at all costs. This resort is expansive and even has a sister resort. It has plenty of space to avoid him.
Right?
Ugh.
I clench the covers around my body and try to think of anything else.
My high school best friend never returned from North Carolina, yet she was the first person I called when everything went to hell. Now, I feel the need to reach out. I pick up my phone and call her.
"Hey, aren't you supposed to be in Aruba?" Emily asks.
"I am, and guess who else is here at the resort?" My hand trembles as I hold the phone to my ear.
"Well, tell me."
"Jude!" I shout into the phone.
"Are you serious?" She scoffs. "Out of all the people in the world, Jude is there?”
Emily was around when things were great, and she supported me during those tough few days after the breakup. She moved to North Carolina for college and decided to stay after four years, having met the love of her life, and started a family. She only visits home a couple of times a year. I miss her being nearby, but I've adjusted to it.
