I deprived myself of her, but now that she’s in front of me, I don’t know how long it’ll be before I break and take what I’m going mad for.
Nia watches our joined hands with hesitance on her face. I can see the conflict in her eyes, one where she can’t decide whether to pull away from me, or to stay as is.
I don’t wait for her to pick an option, merely because I’m scared I won’t like it.
“Can I buy you a drink?” I ask her.
She looks up, opens and closes her mouth, but doesn’t say anything.
“Perfect; I’ll take that as a yes.” I nudge her softly, then walk us over to the other side of the bar with a crazy-big smile on my face.
Man, it feelsgoodto be back.
5. Cass
“It’s a documentary series for Netflix,” I tell Nia, then take a long swig of my beer. “The episode count is TBD at the moment, but I’m aiming for 8, max. Don’t wanna drag it too much.”
She sips her whiskey sour slowly, and I can’t help but let my shameless eyes travel over her body.
She’s changed so much, and yet, she’s still the same girl I fell head over heels in love with all those years ago. That hasn’t changed, of course, and the proof of it – it’s inked on my skin like a brand of honor.
Sentiments, by Jenaux and Bryce Fox, starts playing, and I watch as Nia taps her feet and bobs her head in time with the song.
She likes Bryce Fox. Interesting. I store that bit of information in case I might need it.
“So… Hundreds and thousands of people will watch your documentary online, huh?” she asks tentatively, like her words aren’t meant to be spoken.
She’s trying to act casual, but I know it’s hard for her, just as it is for me.
“That’s what the creators and I are hoping for, yeah,” I say.
“That’s nice.” She gives me a small smile. “I’m happy for you, Cass. You got what you wanted; you’re successful and doing what you love. And that had been your goal from the very beginning, hadn’t it?” Her eyes shine under the yellow lights of the bar, and I just…I lose myself in her. In her simplicity and elegance.
“God, you’re so fucking beautiful, Nia,” I tell her, and swallow when her chest rises and falls rapidly as she stares at me. “The first time I realized that, it was on your porch all those years ago on the night after our first kiss, and I…I almost fell on my knees in front of you. You took the sanity right out of me, and I was so helplessly in love that I didn’t even care.”
She inhales sharply and glances around fleetingly. “Cass, please…”
“Why did you pick Brandon, Nia?” I ask. “Whyhim?”
“It wasn’t my choice to make.” She snatches her glass from the counter and finishes it in one go. “Both our parents decided on it, so I just said yes. Brandon is stable. He has his own garage, and he earns really well from it. I didn’t want to rebel and disappoint my mom and dad, so I…well, I said yes.” She sighs and places the glass back on the counter. “But he wanted kids, and even after trying everything, we couldn’t have any. He was getting sick and tired of hearing no, and ‘The test says negative’, so he just…exploded one day. Scolded and demeaned me at a town fair 3 years ago and said he was done.” She sniffs, then laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “And I don’t know what came over me, but I looked him in the eye and said: “Good riddance. I’ll send the divorce papers your way ASAP.” He stomped away without saying anything, and that was the end of us.”
I polish off the rest of my beer in order to get the image of Brandon and Nia having sex out of my head. I know she’s watching me, know that she can see how I’m choking the ever-loving fuck out of the glass bottle, hoping it was Brandon’s neck instead, but I don’t hide my anger.
It’s all your fault, you dipshit, says a voice in my head.If you hadn’t left, things would have been very,verydifferentnow.
It’s an easy truth, of course, but one I can’t fully digest due to my lack of general common sense.
I lick my lips and tap my fingers on the counter. “Why couldn’t you have kids with him?” I brave asking.
She pushes a strand of hair behind an ear as she eyes her lap. “Lack of sperm count.”
“But that’shisfault, not yours.”
She shrugs. “The doctor asked us to keep trying unless we reallyhadto resort to medications, but I guess Bran was done making fruitless attempts.”
I shake my head. “I knew he sucked at being a decent human being, but didn’t realize he was incapable of being a full-blown man, too.”
Nia places a hand over her mouth as she coughs, most probably to mask her laughter. “That’s…not a very kind thing to say. His flaws are his to endure. We shouldn’t make fun of them.”
