She’s like a silhouette, a mesmerizing portrait under the sky’s unparalleled halo.
She finally stops spinning. With her back to me, she inhales, and then exhales slowly.
She had called me late last night and convinced me to attend Gerald’s wedding with her. He’s one of her regular customers at the café, and also a guy of eccentric tastes, if I do say so myself.
The church had been decorated with flowers of so many shapes, sizes, and colors that they’d not only given me a spotty vision by the end of the ceremony, but had also poked my sleeping pollen allergies. I don’t think I’ve sneezed as much in the last ten years as I did in the hour I spent in the church listening to the 77-year-old Gerald reciting his vows to his now husband, Jasper. The two had met atCaféConnell, and eventhough there’s a 15-year age gap between them, it hasn’t affected their chemistry or affection for each other.
Nia had been all smiles while seeing Jasper and Gerald tie the knot, and when I’d asked her to come to the field with me after the ceremony, she’d giddily said yes. Noah, of course, had given me his signature ‘elder brother look’ – one I’ve been a victim to numerous times in the past – to which I’d simply winked and given him a two-finger salute before driving Nia and I to the field.
After a long stretch of my neck, I fix my hair and get to my feet, then dust off my jeans before walking over to Nia.
“What’re you thinking about?” I ask her as I wrap my arms around her waist. Moving her hair over one shoulder, I place my chin on the other, then press a kiss on the shell of her ear when she leans into me.
“My wedding,” she answers, then sighs.
I stiffen a bit. “Yeah?”
“Yup.” She sighs again. “I was just thinking about how everything on Bran and I’s wedding day had felt: elementary and monotone. It wasnothingcompared to Gerald and Jasper’s ceremony. Ours was…abrupt and suffocating. I guess I knew things would be that way for him and I, but I went along with it anyway. I don’t know what that says about me, but seeing Ger and Jas today made me realize how big of a mistake it was to marry Brandon; how I deserve to have something as beautiful as…” Her voice cracks a little, so she clears her throat. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Hey.” I turn her around, and when she looks at me, I cup her face between my hands. “Just stare into my eyes, Nia, and you’llsee,” is all I tell her. Because I know that she knows exactly what I’m talking about.
Our gazes meet, and I let her study me; I bare my truth to her in clear silence. And when she finds everything I want her tofind, she lets go of a breath, and a tear slides down her cheek. “I–”
“I mean it,” I whisper. “Everything you see, I mean it. Everything you know you just read on my face, I mean that, too. I know it’ll be a long road for us, baby, but know that it’ll beoursto hike; ours to conquer. I didn’t ask you for another chance for nothing. I did it ‘cause I intend to live up to it.”
She grabs my wrists and gives them a squeeze. “That morning when you asked me for a second chance, I lied when I said I didn’t trust you. I…” She sniffs. “The thing is: I trust you too much, but I don’t trust myself atall. Around you, it’s hard for me to. There’s something about you that weakens my defenses. It never bothered me before, but now…” She shrugs.
I chuckle and press a kiss between her brows. “And you frustrate me to the point where I can’t see straight. Your stubbornness is both hot and infuriating, but I like feeling the brunt of it.” I bring my hands to her waist.
She laughs. “You really have a way with words, don’t you?”
“I’ve been told I’ve got a talent for it, yes.”
She snorts and gives my jaw a playful slap.
“So… You ready for dinner with Amanda tonight?” I ask.
Nia’s expression hardens all of a sudden. “Can we not just cancel it?”
I tilt my head to it side. “And why would we do that?”
“Do you even have to ask?” She shifts on her feet. “That woman doesn’t like me, Cass, and she made thatabundantlyclear yesterday with the way she looked at me – no,judgedme.”
“And that’s exactly what I want to fix, Nia,” I say. “I want to clear the air between you and her. The two of you are important to me, and I want to smooth out any misunderstanding or misjudgment yesterday’s brief encounter might’ve caused.”
“Cass–”
“3 years ago, when I first started working with actual celebrities on their fitness regime,” I cut her off, “I…entered a phase where I decided that I had to live up to my name, to my newfound position.” I scoff and shake my head. “This phase was short, sure, but it…it left me in a place that I don’t ever wanna go back to. I’ve worked really hard to get out of it, and I’m never,evergoing there again.” I look at Nia, and see that the color has fully drained from her face.
“What…do you mean?”
“I…” I exhale and rub a hand over the back of my neck. “Well, let’s just say that I overexerted myself. I wanted to be better than what –who– I was, and in doing so, I forgot that my body could only take so much. I erased boundaries; I ignored the warnings. I began resorting to certain…substances to help improve my physical appearance, and it’s so damn crazy to think about it now, but at the time, I thought what I was doing was completely okay and necessary.” I swallow when Nia places a hand over her mouth.
“You didn’t–”
“No, but I got close,” I admit. “The consequences of my recklessness quickly caught up to me. Lying in a hospital bed for weeks made me more and more miserable. At one point, I even started thinking about the permanent relief I would feel if I could just man up and pull the plug on–”
“Don’t.” Nia is crying as she shakes her head. “Don’t fucking finish that sentence, or I swear to God I’ll–”
