Have you tried calling her? Because I bet she doesn't answer.
A guess. It's only a guess. He can't know that I've not been able to reach her. She's just angry and hurt. I screwed up. I recognize that now. Hayvin knows I'd eventually see it, too. It's why she agreed when I said we'd talk when I got back home.
My brain slows down and latches onto that thought as it travels back to the fight we had before I left.
She agreed, right?
Our words replay in my mind, a volatile soundtrack on repeat as I search for the moment I need. Each painful lyric spills from the ghosts of us, tightening my ribs and blooming a heavy ache in my chest when I realize she never actually agreed. I heard what I wanted, not what she said. I spoke when I should have listened. I left when I should have stayed.
My thoughts splinter and scatter as Jerica pulls away and softly calls my name. Her warm hand brushes my cold cheek, and I recoil with a sound of disgust. "Are we done? Can we get the hell out of here? I need to get home to Hayvin."
"Alek, we should talk about this. Especially the kiss," Jerica says.
"No, Jerica, we most definitely do not need to talk about it because there is nothing to talk about. You kissed me, and I didn't respond. You needed my help, and I gave it. End of. You're a good friend, and David is my best friend. I care a fuck ton about y'all, but right now, I really want to get home to my woman because I fucked up with her and need to fix it. So this conversation you want to have about something that means absolute shit isn't on my priority list."
I turn and walk off, but the sound of her footsteps chasing me makes my jaw clench tight.
"How can you say it means absolute shit?" She asks.
"Because for me, it does. You needed to do it to get your mark against him, but that wasn't a game I agreed to. So, it was a game I didn't respond to. It was just something I let play out, so you didn't get hurt any more than you already were."
"But you used to feel something," she argues.
"And I haven’t since that weekend." A bitter laugh slips out before I can stop it. "It’s wild that it took all this and my fight with Hayvin to realize I don’t think I ever really did. So, can you please let this fucking go so I can get back to Vin?"
"But Alek—"
"Erica, that's fucking enough," David snaps. "Have some goddamn respect for yourself and for his relationship. Create your chaos somewhere else, kid."
Her face pales, and she nods. "You're right." She then turns to me. "I'm sorry."
I nod, and she walks off before I get the chance to say anything else. David tells me he's going to get Jerica out of the door so we can get on the road, so I head out to the truck.
Leaning against the truck, I pull out my phone, my gaze drawn to the photo on my home screen. Warmth floods my chest, longing surging through me. Hayvin sits naked in the center of our bed, a sheet clutched to her chest, glancing over her shoulder with a soft look and a goofy grin. But it’s her eyes that hold me captive. Now I get why I love this picture so much. Those eyes are pure love, and they've always been for me.
Was I really so blind, or did I just refuse to see it because I was too scared to face the truth?
With a sigh, I press the call icon next to her name, expecting to hear it ring in my ear. What I got was a message telling me the person I'm trying to reach is unavailable. There's no way. Absolutely, no way she's got me blocked.
I try again.
And again.
And again.
Only to realize my woman has actually blocked me out of her life.
My pulse thunders in my ears, vision blurring as Reggie’s words echo like a curse. I hurl my phone to the concrete, watching it explode into a thousand shards that mirror my wrecked life.
The full weight of my screw-up crashes down on me.
I could lose Hayvin if I don't get home to fix this.
I clutch my head and unleash a raw, guttural roar.
Hayvin was never my second choice. No one could ever compare to her, and knowing I made her doubt that for three years cracks something deep inside me. I spent so long guarding myself from the pain of love that I ended up wounding the one person who deserved it least.
The irony is, no matter how far I ran or how much distance I tried to put between Hayvin and me, love still found us. And when it finally surfaced, so did all the scars I left trying to keep it away.
