“Because I love her?”
Lionel smiles and nods. “You love her, and because of that, your mind kept telling you she would leave. Once you fixated on that, you began to self-sabotage without being conscious of it.”
“So, you’re saying I have mommy and daddy issues,” I grumble.
Lionel grimaces. “If that’s the way you need to put it.”
“Fucking fantastic,” I grumble.
“Don’t act so fatalistic about it. More people do without realizing it than you could probably imagine.”
“What do I do about it? How do I fucking fix it?”
"This won’t be fixed in one session, Alek. We’ve been working towardthismomentsince your first visit." Lionel writes on his notepad, then sets his pen down and steeples his fingers. "Let’s pivot. You were worried Hayvin hadn’t contacted you since your last conversation. Do you feel entitled to a response as a reward for being a good boy and knowing things about her?"
I jerk back at his words and scowl at him. “What? No! Absolutely not. She doesn’t owe me anything. She never has.”
Lionel’s lips curl up on the sides, and I narrow my eyes. “You goaded me.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. That wouldn’t be very professional of me.”
“Whatever you say, Doc.” We lapse into silence. Lionel studies me with that unreadable therapist look, making me squirm. “She may never forgive me, no matter what I do,” I finally admit, slumping back in my chair.
“Nice words, Alek. What are you actually going to do, though?” Lionel asks.
I groan and scrub a hand over my face. Anxious frustration begins to rise. "I don’t know, okay. This is a position I’ve never been in because no one got close enough."
Lionel scribbles some notes, and I wait, knowing he’ll drop some hard-hitting wisdom when he’s done.
While I wait, my phone vibrates with a text. I check it, expecting nothing, but my heart leaps when I see Hayvin’s name.
Anticipation sparks—a jittery thrill, like a kid tearing into a first Christmas present—as I open her message.
Just two words, but they ignite the first real hope I’ve felt since she left.
“From that smile, I’m guessing that’s her?” Lionel nods towards the phone.
"Yeah." I show him the screen. "She told me to prove it." I look at him. "I will."
“I have no doubt. Do you know anything about love languages, Alek?”
“No, should I?”
“It would help. I’ll go over them with you, but I want that to be your homework this week. Research as much as you can about them. Figure out which is yours and which is Hayvin’s. It’ll help you through all this. You’ve said before that Hayvin was always big on words.”
I nod. “When we first got together, she trusted my words. But the longer I went with my actions contradicting them, she stopped trusting them.”
“So, now she trusts your actions because that’s where you showed her your truth lies.”
“Yeah.”
“Your actions will matter most going forward. Whatever you do, let them stand out.”
“What are these love languages you’re talking about?”
“They’re controversial. Not everyone believes in them. Many people, myself included, believe there are hundreds of ways to express love in a relationship. Relationships are too complex to have only five ways to express love to your partner. But I think reviewing these with you for your situation will give you a starting point. Every person is different, which means their love language will be different. Some will have only one, and some will have many. In theory, there are five total: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch. With words of affirmation, you value verbal acknowledgments. So, saying "I love you," genuinely encouraging them, kind words… things like that. You’d enjoy cute little love notes or text messages for this one. Doing these things makes them feel appreciated and understood.”
“That’s hers.” I shake my head with a grimace. “Or…well…it was. I don’t know if it would be anymore.”
