We're stopped at a stop sign just a few blocks from Jerica and Reggie's place, and he turns to me, his face suddenly all seriousness.
"I think you need to take the time while you're away from Hayvin to figure out why she feels that way. You're a smart dude, Alek. You know women pay attention to shit. Especially when a woman loves a man. I don't know Hayvin as well as I should, considering she's been dating my best friend for years, but it’s obvious she loves you."
"She said it for the first time this morning," I admit quietly.
He shoots me a glance as a car pulls up behind us. "How'd that make you feel?"
"They're just words, man. I honestly don't know. Surprised. On edge. Part of me wanted to bolt." I rub the back of my neck, feeling the tension settle in. I avoid looking at him, not sure I want to admit how unsteady I feel about Hayvin or what saying 'I love you' really means. "Can we just drop it? I'll figure things out when I get home. We're fine. This morning was rough, but that's on me for not clearing things up with Hayvin. We both hate fighting, but damn, the makeup sex with her is unreal. We'll have that to look forward to when I'm back."
David sighs. "You’re kidding yourself, man. Hayvin not walking you to the door? That's huge. She's telling you how she feels, but it doesn't seem like you're hearing her. Or maybe you just don't want to because that would mean you'll have to face things you don't want to look closely at. You'd have to admit things you don't want to admit."
"Just fucking drop it," I growl as he pulls into Jerica's driveway.
"You need to figure it out, Alek. Dig deep and check your feelings because they're there." He climbs down from his truck and glances at me. "Just decide who they're actually for," he says quietly, shocking me, before shutting his door.
Confusion crashes over me as I catch him watching me through the window. Why does everyone act like I’m clueless about my feelings? Isn't it obvious to them? I've never been in a real relationship before Hayvin, so that should say everything. The closest I got was that messy thing with Charlie, but even then, I always knew it would end. Her heart was never mine; it belonged to Keaton since they were kids. It’s not like I wanted it anyway. We had our fun, and I don't regret it. We gave each other what we needed, nothing more. Charlie and Keaton are solid. So solid that I still can't wrap my head around how he ever cheated on her. I've seen the way they love each other. When you love someone like that, how do you just throw it away? Howdo you betray them? She gave him another shot, and he's been working to fix what he broke, but sometimes I still catch that old pain in her eyes. Certain things just bring it all back. Between my parents and Charlie and Keaton, I've seen firsthand how fragile love can be.
But that doesn't make Hayvin some kind of backup plan. She's my girl. Why is everyone so determined to twist that? I've put everything I have into this relationship, and constant doubt is starting to really piss me off.
My thoughts scatter as the front door bursts open and Jerica rushes out to greet her brother. I can't help but watch her as I step out of the truck.
She looks good, even with that weight of sadness hanging on her shoulders. Still as pretty as ever.
Jerica glances up at me after pulling away from her brother and gives me a small, lopsided smile that's kind of endearing. "You came." Her eyes go to the truck and then back to me before she wraps her arms around me for a hug. "Hayvin didn't come?"
Her words make my chest tighten, and I carefully extract myself after giving her a light squeeze in return. Guilt twists in my gut, which only frustrates me more. I've hugged my friends a thousand times, but now, thanks to David and Hayvin, it suddenly feels like a problem. What used to be innocent is now just awkward.
"She stayed back. Had some shit to do." I pull my cell from my pocket and hold it up with a little smile. "I'm actually going to call her and let her know we made it, and then I'll be in to start helping you pack."
Jerica sighs. "Thanks, Alek." She squeezes my arm and gives me a sad smile. "I should have taken you up on your offer at the hotel that weekend, those few years ago. I wouldn't be in the pain I'm in now. We'd probably be pretty great together."
Her fingers drift down my arm as she turns away, leaving me rooted to the spot, paralyzed, her words echoing in my mind like a haunting refrain.
My heart hammers against my ribs, sweat slicking my palms. What the fuck just happened? Why the hell would she drop something like that on me? Especially knowing I’m in a relationship.
I shake my head, trying to scatter the chaos in my mind. I can't face that mess right now. I just need to hear Hayvin’s voice, need to know she's okay, because something inside me feels wrong, and it's scaring the hell out of me.
The phone rings in my ear, and I pace back and forth in the driveway as I wait for Hayvin to answer.
But she doesn't pick up, and that just sends me spiraling further on a day already gone to hell. In three years, I can count on one hand the times she's missed my calls.
"Hey, baby girl. I just want to let you know we made it. I fucking hate when we fight. It drives me crazy because all I want to do is hold you tight and fix it. A lot of shit was said, and it's made me see that we obviously have a lot to talk about. Hopefully, it won't take us too long here, and then I can be back home with my beautiful girl. I already miss you. I l--" I blow out a breath. "Call me back when you get a minute, because I really need to hear your voice right now."
It never crosses my mind, after I hang up and shove the phone away, that maybe she isn't answering because she's done with me. I don't realize that while I'm helping someone else pack to leave, my own woman is packing to walk out of my life.
People always say you never know what you have until it's gone. I wish I'd figured it out sooner because I could have spared Hayvin so much damn pain. If only we came into this world with the ability to see what's coming, maybe we'd all hurt a little less.
"Friendly" Snakes and Obtuse Realizations
Alek
Bythetimethesecond day rolls around, I'm antsy as fuck to get home to my woman. I haven't spoken to her since the day I left, and the longer I go, the deeper these nails anchor into my skin. Thankfully, there are only a few more boxes left to load in the back of David's truck, and then we can get the fuck on the road.
It shocked me that Reggie actually stayed away long enough for us to pack her up, but in my conversations with Jerica over the last two days, I learned he doesn't know she's leaving. He's been out of town on business for the week. The day Jerica called David, she found out Reggie had been cheating with his assistant, Erin, for the past four weeks. When I asked how she found out, Jerica said Erin called her right before they fucked. She assumes Reggie didn't know because, after listening to the entire encounter, Erin whispered that Jerica should know, then hung up.
Jerica broke the news so dry-eyed that I was at a loss for words. I hugged her and called him a stupid motherfucker, but my head’s too tangled up with worry for Hayvin to give Jerica the friendship she really needs from me.
With David and Jerica tied up inside, I slip out for some air. Hayvin’s still dodging my calls, but I have to try something. Everleigh’s my only shot, even if it’s a coin toss whether she’ll help. I’ll take those odds if it means reaching my woman.
