After I left the company, I also pulled away from David. I haven’t talked to Jerica since that day in the restaurant when I told her we couldn’t be friends anymore. Things were strained between David and me after that. Mostly because he was struggling with my decision to cut his sister out of my life. He couldn’t understand why I needed to do that if I didn’t have feelings for her. I tried to explain to him that I don’t, but it’s deeper than that. I hurt Hayvin by using Jerica as a buffer between us when I felt overwhelmed by what Hayvin was making me feel. Since I planned to do whatever I could to get her back into my life, I needed to cut out anything that might make her uncomfortable.
I’m not sure if Hayvin would mind me staying friends with David, but I put distance there anyway, just to be safe.
It fucking sucks, because he’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. But it’s another thing that I have to lay at my feet. If I hadn’t been so scared of the love that Hayvin made me feel, then I wouldn’t have used Jerica and him as a way to put space between us, and she wouldn’t have had a reason to not be comfortable with them.
As things with David faded, my tentative friendship with Keaton grew. We’ll never be best friends—too much history for that—but it’s enough to call each other friends, which still surprises me.
I’ve not really been able to mesh with anyone at my new job yet, so my friend pool is pretty slim right now.
ME
Thanks for taking off work to come meet me.
KEATON
No biggie, man. You’ve been there for us when we needed it. I still hate you, but I can repay the favor.
I laugh at his text, knowing there’s some truth in it. Since he and Char reunited, we’ve hashed out a lot—shared things we needed to say. Maybe that’s why we can stand each other now.
I know there are some people who don’t like being friends with their exes or people they’ve slept with. Or some who can’t be friends with them. I can understand them, but not everyone is the same. What one person or one couple can’t tolerate, another can. It doesn’t mean either is better or that one is doing it the right way and the other the wrong way. It simply means that humans are complex.
Nothing about people is ever simple, and honestly, that’s what makes them fascinating.
Living With Regrets
Alek
Ilingerontheedge, watching Charlie and Keaton’s world spin around each other before I finally step into their orbit.
Their love is impossible to miss. It’s fierce, unfiltered, and almost electric. The way he looks at her, you’d think she was spun from stardust, something he’s terrified to lose if he so much as blinks. He once told me that fear never really leaves him. Any day, she could decide she’s done, that what he did is unforgivable, no matter how hard he tries. Keaton once let slip that he’ll never stop trying to prove his love, and he’s found a strange kind of peace in that endless effort. Every day, he gives her new reasons to stay, making amends in a thousand small ways.
For the longest time, I couldn’t stand the sight of him after what he did to Charlie. But now? I respect the hell out of him. Owning up to your deplorable actions takes the kind of guts most people don’t have.
They both peer up at me with smiles when I slide into the booth.
“You all are going to make me sick with that ooey gooey shit,” I tease.
“That usually happens when you fuck up with your own girl,” Keaton quips.
I scrub a hand over my head. “You’re right.”
“Then stop pussyfooting around and tell us what we need to know so we can help,” he says.
“You all know about the shit right after she left, and I came to you all for help. I don’t know. I’m stuck in a fucking loop of playing my fuckups and the ways I’ve failed spectacularly at making them up to her.”
“So what really happened that made her leave, Alek? You weren’t completely truthful and, frankly, pretty freaking vague,” Charlie asks.
“Fuck,” I groan, scrubbing my face and leaning back in the booth. “You all already know how I used Jerica’s friendship as a buffer for me and Hayvin.” They both nod. “I knew she was uncomfortable with Jerica. It was easy for me to justify it because I wasn’t doing anything more than having an actual platonic friendship with someone I’ve known a long damn time. It was this last time that finally pushed her to walk away from me.”
“What was different about this time, Alek?” Charlie questions, the tone in her voice telling me she already knows she won’t like where I’m going with this.
“She warned me before I walked out the door that we weren’t okay. But Char, when she told me she loved me, I freaked the fuck out. My insides were bursting with the need to get the fuck out of there. There was this insidious voice whispering to me that she was going to break me. That she was going to destroyme. I was fucking suffocating. Her voicing it out loud made it real. That power. That ability to corrupt and hurt.”
“Oh, Alek.”
The sorrow and pity in Charlie’s voice have me grinding my teeth together.
“I know I’m fucked in the head. Don’t need your damn pity for it,” I snap.
