Wtf? You know he would. Me and him aren’t the end game.
EVIE
Ain’t no reason you couldn’t play a round or two though.
ME
LEIGH! Not fucking helping!
She doesn’t answer right away, so I try to write, but my thoughts keep circling back, making it impossible to get anything down that isn’t garbage.
With a frustrated growl, I hurl my pen across the room and rake my fingers through my hair.
What’s going to happen with Alek and Jerica now? Their friendship runs so deep, I can’t trust that this new distance will actually stick.
Most days, I try hard not to think about Alek, but he’s never really far from my mind. I’ve never been one of those people who could ever just cut someone from my heart, and I’ve always given people more chances than they deserve. But I like to hope people can grow. That they can learn from their mistakes and be better. That they can do better. Shoot, look at how long I put up with the situation with Alek.
Some might call me weak or a doormat, but that’s not it. I just have a higher threshold for bullshit before I finally say enough. I reached that point when Alek left with David for Jerica’s instead of staying to fix us. After that, I couldn’t find a single thing worth fighting for, and the longer we’re apart, the more amazed I am that we lasted as long as we did.
What was really holding us together besides my love for him? There were moments when his eyes told me everything, when his touch said what his mouth wouldn’t. Alone, I never doubted us. He made me feel cherished. But then I’d catch fear flickering in his gaze, and suddenly Jerica would be there, pushing me back to second place.
Honestly, it was exhausting. For once, I needed to hear him say those words. So when he was about to leave me for her, I said them first, hoping he’d finally be ready. The fear in his eyes told me everything. He wasn’t ready, and maybe he never would be. Not with Jerica still around. Sometimes I wondered if he kept her close just to keep me at a distance, but I didn’t want to believe he could be that cruel. I loved him without conditions. I let him stay friends with the one person that he used to hurt me most, never asking for more than he could give. Nothing.
No matter what I did, it was never enough. Not until he realized where he went wrong. Not until he saw that I should have been his priority.
My phone goes off with a message, pulling me from my thoughts.
EVIE
Sorry. Had a patient. Look, babe. Just do whatever your heart tells you to do.
ME
No. I don’t want to listen to my heart.
EVIE
{Rolling eye emoji} Then listen to your head. Better yet, listen to your vagina. She’ll know what she wants.
ME
Again. Not helping. That bitch is liable to get me in even more of a predicament.
EVIE
Look. You’re single, baby cakes. You don’t answer to anyone. If you don’t want to go to lunch with my brother, don’t. Truly, no sweat off my back. If you want to, if you want to do it as friends or just to see if maybe something is still there, then go for it. The important thing is that it’s YOUR decision.
ME
Thanks for saving the day with your wisdom. You’re right. I won’t be doing anything wrong, and I think that’s where I was stuck. Love you, babe.
EVIE
Back at you. Enjoy your lunch. Maybe you’ll stuff yourself full. {Winking emoji}
I snort at her innuendo, shake my head, and switch over to Titan’s chat. I tell him I’ll meet him, but this is just lunch between friends. When he replies he’ll see me in thirty minutes, I get up to get ready.
It might not be a date, but I refuse to look like a train wreck in public.
