“You think I don’t know that?” I snap.
He snorts. “Obviously not, or you wouldn’t have kept her hidden from every-fucking-body.”
“Fuck off, Zebulon. You don’t know shit about my life with her.”
He straightens and stares down his nose at me. “Maybe not, but I can tell you what I do know.” He lifts a finger. “We didn’t know she existed until just now.” Another finger. “You alwaysgave the impression you were with Jerica because you were constantly up her ass.” A third finger gets added. “You never brought her to any of the work functions we had, again, giving the appearance of being single or with Jerica.” A fourth lifts. “There’s been ample opportunity for you to open your damn mouth and bring her into the light.”
Zebulon drops them and narrows his eyes at me. “So, what’s the deal? Is she scarred in some way? Are you ashamed of her? Is it not serious between you? Do you not love her? Why was it so fucking important that you keep her in the dark?” He blows out a breath as secrets swirl in his electric blue eyes, and he shakes his head. “Nobody deserves to be a secret, dude. Nobody. Get your shit straight, Alek.”
He grows quiet and leans against the wall of the elevator. Our conversation comes to an end as he drops his head back against the chrome and his eyes close. It's just as well, since his questions strike me and leave me breathless, unable to talk anymore.
Their words hit me, sharp as blades, demanding answers I can’t give. I just stand there, bleeding inside, waiting for the elevator’s chime to end this slow torture.
I want to lash out at Zeb, but that would be a lie. The only one who deserves my anger is me. I’m the architect of the hell Hayvin and I are trapped in.
I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. The worst part is, there’s not even a real reason for making her feel like she was ever second best.
Sure, watching my parents fall apart and seeing Charlie and Keaton struggle after betrayal has messed with my head. But deep down, I should have known Hayvin isn’t like that. She’d never hurt me. I’ve been stuck in survival mode for three years, and only now do I see how much it’s cost me.
The elevator dings, snapping me out of my spiral. I stoop to retrieve my briefcase and trail the others out, only to find David and, of all people, Jerica waiting for me.
Zebulon throws me a glare, and for once, I let my guard drop in front of the guys, letting him see the raw truth in my eyes.
I don’t want her. Not here, not there, not motherfucking anywhere.
He raises a brow back, silently asking me what the hell I’m going to do about it.
“I don’t fucking know, Zebulon. But I know, come hell or high water, my woman will understand she’s the very air I breathe. Got me?” I tell him.
He nods sharply. “It’s not too late for you, Alek.” Then I swear I hear him say under his breath, “Not like it is for me,” but I can’t be sure because he’s walking away with Mike, Stanley, and Perry by then.
David asks me what that was about, so I fill him in. He watches me with blank eyes as I tell him about what went down in the elevator and the conclusions I came to about what a shit boyfriend I’ve been.
When I finish, he raises a brow and smirks. “I told you so.”
Irrational anger rushes through my bloodstream at his smug tone. “Yeah? How the fuck are you and Amelia, Dave? Getting along well? Living a happy life? Getting all that loving from her? Or are you fucking anything that walks because you all aren’t exclusive?” I finish, putting air quotations around the last two words.
My chin hits my chest, and I blow out a breath before raising my eyes back up. “Fuck. I’m sorry, man.”
“You’re a dick when you’re hurting,” he says tonelessly.
“I am, but I’m also right. You can’t come at me about my shit, David, when your shit with Amelia is just as fucked. Worry about fixing your fuck ups before you get self-righteous on meor anyone else,” I say before turning toward my car, their steps falling into line with me.
We’re a mess, a band of friends who hurt others before they can hurt us, or just because we’re already bleeding inside.
Whatever the reason, we all need some serious fucking therapy before we end up wrecking everyone who crosses our paths.
I don’t deserve Hayvin.
I never did.
But I will, and I’ll make sure she knows every single day how much I love her, appreciate her, and truly see her.
I just need to get her to let me first.
A Confrontation Long Overdue
Alek
