I let out a sigh, jamming my hands deep into my pockets. "If you’re willing to help out a blind fool, I could use it."
"Before we answer, I need you to give us an honest one," Charlie demands.
"Whatever you need. I'm desperate here, Char."
"Jerica is now available, just like you are. Seems like she's the one you've been waiting for, right? So why are you looking here for help to get Hayvin back instead of being with her? This could be your chance to finally be with the person you've wanted for so long."
A low growl rumbles from my chest, filling the room. I yank my hands free and rake them through my hair, gripping hard just to stay grounded. Charlie and Keaton watch, their eyes full of understanding as I wrestle with the ache inside me.
How far did I go to avoid falling for Hayvin? I never meant to mislead anyone or make them think I wanted Jerica the way everyone seems to believe.
Standing here, I see all that Charlie and Keaton have survived for love, and memories of my parents’ betrayals flicker through my mind. Still, I know I’m guilty all the same.
I thought I could shield my heart, keep it numb after seeing nothing but betrayal from love. But in building those walls, I ended up hurting the one woman who least deserved it.
"Why don't you take a seat, man? Those look like some heavy realizations you're coming to. You want a beer or some shit, and tell us where your head is at? Maybe we can help." His eyessearch my face. "I have a heavy feeling we play a part in this somehow, anyway," he finishes quietly.
The silence presses in, thick enough to hear Charlie’s sharp breath. Awkward, I flash them a crooked, self-mocking smile and sink onto the couch.
Charlie slips off Keaton’s lap and vanishes into the kitchen. I turn to Keaton. "You two holding up?"
Keaton freezes, an M&M suspended between his fingers, eyes fixed on me. He only looks away when Charlie returns and hands me a beer. He stays silent until she’s curled up in his arms again.
It’s as if he needs her close before he can even speak about them.
"He asked how we were doing, butterfly," Keaton tells her quietly, peering into her face with eyes so full of love that sometimes it's hard to believe he fucked around on her.
Charlie’s face twists with pain, and guilt gnaws at me for dragging my mess into their home. But then her features soften, and when she looks at Keaton, there’s a glow of love and peace that nearly knocks the wind out of me. I once doubted she’d ever forgive him, but seeing them now, I know I was wrong, and I’m honestly glad for it.
"We're doing okay, Alek," she says softly. "We're not healed. Not completely, but we're getting there. We still have bad days. Sometimes the pool house is front and center in my thoughts, and I want to fucking walk away because, in that moment, I can believe I hate him."
Keaton’s face is carved with raw anguish as he listens. He knows exactly how deep his mistakes cut, and that the wounds linger even now. The pain in her memories is plain as day. She’s still grieving the man he once was, the one who didn’t deserve her love. If remorse had a face, it would be Keaton’s. His turmoil is written all over him, even when he tries to hide it.
"But I don't let that hate win. I don't let that day win. I don't let him or her win. Nobody gets that power over me again. Keaton and I aren't in the same relationship we were. That one was dead the moment he cheated. Not just the day in the pool house. It started the day he continued seeing Rianna despite how I felt about her. But this new one we're in...it's healthy, Alek. We've both learned a lot over these last few years. About ourselves and about each other. So, while we're not completely recovered, we are doing okay," she finishes.
"There's never going to be a day that I won't carry what I did. I didn't just leave scars on Charlie. I left marks on my soul, too. Like Charlie said, we're not healed, but we're doing okay. Was I right when I said we somehow play a part in your headspace?" Keaton asks.
I exhale hard and lean forward, elbows on my knees, beer bottle swinging between them as I look at Charlie and Keaton. "It all goes back to my parents. I won’t get into it—Hayvin deserves the whole truth first—but their idea of love was the most twisted thing I’d ever seen. That’s when I learned love isn’t all sunshine. It’s fucking thorns, pain, and betrayal."
"And then I cheated on Char."
"And then you cheated on Charlie," I echo, matching Keaton’s defeated tone. "Just gave me one more reason to steer clear. Why chase something that only ever stabs you in the back?"
"So why does everyone believe you'd rather be with Jerica? Shoot, Alek. Even I thought that. I was the one who told you to go after her that weekend before we had our thing," Charlie asks.
A bitter laugh escapes me as I take a long pull from my beer and sink into the couch. "Because that’s the impression I accidentally left. I only saw Jerica a couple of times while I was with Hayvin, and every time was when—"
"We were all together. Every time you saw her, you also saw me and Char, which reminded you of what love meant to you," Keaton interrupts.
I raise my beer in a silent toast. "Exactly. It was always when Hayvin was there, too. Seeing you two, then her, my mind just shut down. All I wanted was to protect myself, because she’d already gotten under my skin. Remember that cookout, right before we got together?" They nod. "I overheard part of your fight before Jerica and David arrived. The pain in Charlie’s voice stuck with me, even when you both said you loved each other. Hayvin found me right after, and my head was a fucking mess. I already knew I loved her, but I was still fighting it. No one had ever had that kind of hold on me before."
"Oh, Alek. You stupid, loving man," Charlie says softly. "You can't outrun emotions. They're going to catch you one way or the other. The only thing running will do is hurt you or the other person. You eventually have to face and accept them."
"Yeah," I reply in a quiet tone.
"You don't feel anything for Jerica?" she asks.
"No, I really don’t. It’s always been just friendship. Sure, way back, there was a flicker of attraction, but that’s all. Even that weekend you told me to go after her, I only tried because I had to be sure. I didn’t even want to, Char. Didn’t want her. You were the only one on my mind. But I thought I owed it to you, since you thought you saw something. After she turned me down, I realized it was nothing. Just a blip. Since then, all I’ve felt for her is affection, because she’s been one of my best friends for years." I sigh, take a long drink, and go on. "She and David were my comfort zone. For the longest time, they were all I had. So it was easy to use them as a shield between me and Hayvin, even if I didn’t realize it. But by doing that, I hurt Hayvin, and she left. I can’t blame her. Not after seeing how badly I messed up. I know none of this is an excuse, but it’s all I’ve got.” I look at them. "Ican’t let her go, Char. She’s my whole damn world. If she needs me to shout it from the rooftops, I will. But I’m lost. I don’t even know where to start fixing this. How the hell do I heal what I broke?"
