Jerica is just a friend, so there was no significance to eating together other than being with two of my best friends.
At least, there was no significance to me.
Only too late did I realize it meant all kinds of shit to Vin. Her voice was so empty, so drained, it hollowed me out too.
When she said we were all together now, meaning me and Jerica, and that was all we ever cared about, I felt a fresh wave of self-hatred crash over me.
Actually. Fuck that. The self-loathing started the moment she recoiled from my touch, as if I burned her.
She had never reacted like that in all our years together. Seeing her flinch tore my heart to shreds and left my chest heavy, every breath a struggle.
When I found her gone, it felt like the last three years had been wiped away. Only seeing her shut down at Grinders did I realize the damage went deeper than just our relationship. I had broken her, too.
My obsession with finding her and patching things up was driving everyone, including me, to the edge. I showed up at Everleigh's, pleading into the Ring camera, feeling eyes on me but too desperate to care.
Let them watch me beg. Hell, they could record it and show the whole world for all I cared. If it got me any news about my woman, I didn’t give a shit who saw me on my knees. Pride meant nothing to me anymore.
It wasn't until the morning after Grinders that it finally hit me where Hayvin was staying. I should have known right away. Her house was the obvious answer, but I missed it.
In my defense...no, there is none. I should have realized it immediately.
Point fucking blank.
But I didn't, and that just makes me an even bigger asshole than I already am.
My mind drifts to how she looked the other night. Still beautiful, but thinner, her favorite shirt hanging loose where it used to hug her curves. Nothing could ever take away her beautyin my eyes, but the change showed just how much hell she's been through since leaving.
Just another weight I have to carry.
The longer I looked at her, the harder it was to recognize the woman I fell for so quickly.
A cold tension knots my stomach as my self-hatred grows. I've hurt her in ways I never meant to, and I have no idea how to fix it.
If I'm even able to.
No. Fuck that.
When I'm able to. I'll be damned if I'm going to allow doubt to creep in.
I'm diverted from my thoughts when my phone chimes with a text, and I retrieve it from my desk before reclining in my office chair.
JERI
Hey, pretty boy. Want to come chill with me and Davie? We’re watching a movie and probably grabbing some grub a dub.
This is where I start making things right. Hayvin deserves to know she's my priority, not Jeri.
ME
Not tonight
JERI
Srsly? It’s horror night, Alek! You always do them with us when you can.
ME
Yeah and i cant 2night
