Charlie slides into the booth, nudging a heavy cup toward me. She blows steam from her own before taking a careful sip, her empty gaze fixed on me as she gathers the courage to speak.
The longer she hesitates, the more sweat beads at my temples, my heart pounding like it wants out of my chest.
After another sip, she finally exhales and leans back. "The tests came back negative."
Tears sting behind my eyes, my muscles going slack with relief and exhaustion.
I press my palms to my eyes, fighting back tears. Charlie shouldn’t have to deal with my mess, especially when I have no clue how she feels.
I wipe my damp palms on my jeans and finally look at her. "How are you feeling about this?" I reach for her hand, but stop short before making contact.
“I’m okay.” Charlie takes another drink of her coffee. “I’m not ready yet, Keaton. But it scared me and made me so damn angry at you. More than I already was because, like I told you at the store, I should have been doing that with you.”
I wince as the coffee scorches down my throat, savoring the sting. It reminds me I’m still here, still paying for my mistakes.
“Why’d you tell me, Charlie? You don’t owe me anything.”
She laughs ruefully. “If only you knew how often I said that to myself when deciding.” Her sigh fills the space between us. “I don’t even know, honestly. It came down to the fact that, despite how cruelly you hurt me, I just don’t have it in me to ever hurtanyone else that way. Not even you, Keaton. I know you enough to know it was eating at you.”
“That’s because you’re a good person, Char.”
She scoffs, shaking her head. “Keep me off the pedestal, Keaton. I can’t explain how many times I’ve fantasized about causing you the amount of pain you’ve caused me. There were days when it was the only thing giving me peace.”
Her words cut through me, sharp enough to leave scars I’ll carry for a lifetime.
Scars I deserve for turning her into someone who has to imagine my pain just to find peace at night.
Scars I want, so I never forget how easily integrity can slip away.
Scars I crave, so I remember I’m someone capable of betraying the person I love most.
Scars I own, so I keep striving to be better than the man I was.
Blowing out a breath, I shake my head, finally clasping her hand with mine.
A tremble goes through us both at the touch.
“But you didn’t, Charlie. It’s not putting you on a pedestal. It’s simply stating a fact. You can fantasize about shit all you want, but you’re not a person who’ll act maliciously toward another person.”
She leans back and folds her arms across her chest, a mulish expression crossing her face.
I bite my lip, fighting the urge to smile.
Fuck, she’s cute.
“You don’t know me anymore.”
Her words are bullets that penetrate my chest. “You’re right. I don’t. I’m sorry.” I shoot a gentle smile at her. “But that’s a part of you that will never change, Charlie. Being a good person is ingrained in you, and I’m sorry if I’ve ever taken advantage of that.”
“Is that why you cheated?” she asks abruptly, doing her best to hide the anguish in her eyes. “Was I too good a person? You needed someone who…wasn’t?”
“No,” I reply immediately. “Never would it have been because of that. I love that part of you.”
She shakes her head, her eyes glossy. “Then why, Keaton?”
“I’m still working on that in therapy, but I’ve figured the biggest underlying reason is complacency.”
“Complacency,” she scoffs, struggling with the answer I’ve given her.
