She's gone because she hates me, but not as much as I hate myself.
The smile that could light up my darkest days—gone.
I hate you.
The way her smoky gray eyes spoke her mood before her lips ever did—gone.
I hate you.
The love she once poured into me—gone.
I hate you.
But my love remains. God, it refuses to die, even after everything I’ve destroyed. My soul claws at my insides, desperate for redemption, but it can’t let go. If I let it, I’d lose any chance of ever making things right, of bringing her back.
I was so deeply in love with you. It's funny how quickly that leaves.
I clutch a fistful of my hair and yank hard, needing the sting, craving the punishment.
"Why are you doing this? This is what you wanted."
The laugh that drops out of my mouth is so harsh it makes her flinch. "You think this is what I wanted? I never wanted this."
"Then what was this? Huh?" she snaps, folding her arms over her chest.
God. What have I done? How the fuck could I ever have crossed that line with her?
"It was the stupidest fucking decision I've ever made. One that I'll regret until I take my last breath." My legs struggle to hold me up as I climb to my feet. "You aren't worth this. You never were. How the fuck did I not see that?"
Charlie is gone.
Why the hell am I still standing here for?
Rianna gasps. "You don't mean that."
"Yeah, I do. That girl that I just tore apart? She's worth a fucking million of you."
"Is she now? Is that why you were just fucking me then? Without a condom, I might add. That means something."
Her words spark something violent inside me. Acid scorches my throat, my stomach twists, and bile erupts from my mouth, splattering the floor and her feet, making her leap back with a shriek.
Stupid. I am so irredeemably stupid.
Why? Why did I do this?
"You're right," I croak, watching with disgust as triumph fills her eyes. "It means something. It means that I just fucked up my entire existence and destroyed the love of my life. It means for the first time, I have to get a damn STD test done because I was too fucking stupid to take the time to grab a condom. Because if I had taken that time, we both know it would have never happened, Rianna. I don't even know how it did, and I wish oneverything that I could take it all back. Including ever meeting you."
At the door, I hesitate, casting one last look over my shoulder at her.
Her hair hangs limp and lackluster down her back, her muddy eyes holding an ugliness I somehow missed. Charlie didn't, though, and she warned me. Fuck, she warned me so many times, and I ignored her, chalking it up to her being jealous. I should have known better because my Charlie has never once had a jealous bone in her body. She would always find it amusing when girls checked me out or flirted with me. When I asked her if it bothered her, she told me no. She knew I loved her and would never hurt her by entertaining them, so what was the harm in letting them feel good for a few seconds in their lives?
Why did I brush off her warnings? Why did I not shove Rianna out of our lives when I knew how Charlie felt?
"Stay away from me, Rianna, and stay the hell away from Charlie. Whatever the fuck this was...it ends here."
"Sure it does, Kea. You'll come running back. It was easy to have you chasing after me again. A little sob story and you were hooked, choosing to believe me instead of thelove of your life," she finishes with a sneer.
Every word she spits is a dagger, driving me out of the pool house. I’m running from her, from the truth, from myself—and yet, somehow, still running towardher,my butterfly.
