“There’s no excuse for my actions. No matter what, I missed the signs and made choices I regret. Someday, if Charlie wants, I’ll be ready for honest conversation.”
The sounds of someone knocking on a door, then a man's deep voice in the background on Alek's side, have me pausing the conversation. Alek must cover the microphone because his replies are muffled.
There's a quiet snick as the door shuts behind the other person, and then Alek is back. "Sorry about that. We've got a late-night meeting. You called right as we were taking a break."
"Fuck. Sorry. You two should talk, then let me know what you want me to do with the video. For now, I have it locked in a secured folder along with all the other bullshit Rianna has continuously messaged me with over the last six months that I think would help my case against her."
Alek is quiet, but I swear I can hear the dude's brain going a million miles an hour as he taps something against his desk consistently. "The only thing that bothers me about the video is that Charlie was filmed without her knowledge, and then sharedwith someone. Even after what you did to her, we both know that's something she still wouldn't want you to see. Not because you don’t deserve to see her fucking someone else, but because no matter how much she fucking wants to, she's unable to hurt you the way you've done her. All that being said, I think this is something you and she should work on together. I think she's going with you to report Rianna will have a bigger impact."
Just the thought of being around Charlie after not seeing her for so long has my heart racing so fast that I place my hand over my chest to be sure it is still in place. I've done my best not to think of seeing her. Well, not anytime soon. That's not to say I haven't seen her around the city. Granite Bay isn't necessarily a huge city, but it's small enough that I've run into her a few times. Thankfully, she didn't have to see me any of those times, because I walked away before she could.
"I don't know, man. Not sure that's a good idea. I'm fucking terrified to see her again. What if it just hurts her more to see and talk to me? David doesn't tell me much, but he said that she seemed to be getting better. She sounded that way when she called me the night the video was taken."
"You're sure I knew she was talking to you," he states with amusement.
"This is Charlie we're talking about, Alek. She's not going to keep something like that from someone she cares about. She's not me," I finish quietly.
"It's good to hear that you acknowledge that. And Keaton, you're not a horrible guy. You're just a guy who made shit choices. Choices that hurt someone you love deeply, but they're choices you seem to be learning from. There will be a time when Charlie sees that, too. Whether it goes anywhere in that moment will be on you two."
My brows raise at that. "And you'll just walk away if that happens? No hard feelings?"
"Keaton, man, I've always been a placeholder in this spot in Lollie's life. We've both known that. The only way that changes is if she changes it. Won't lie. I'll be down for it if she wants it. That girl is fucking amazing, and it wouldn't take much to fall in love with her."
It’s wild how his words both comfort and infuriate me. “She’s the easiest fucking person in the world to fall in love with,” I say, my voice rough.
"Let me talk to Lollie about working with you on this. Let me get a feel for her thoughts and emotions on all of this, as well as working with you. I think she might surprise us both."
"Thanks, Alek."
"Right. I'll call you in the morning. Sound good?"
There are words that have been burning my tongue since he mentioned he could fall in love with Charlie if she gave him the green light. "Please don't hurt her," I blurt.
"What?"
I blow out a breath and jump to my feet. My bare feet slap against the wooden planks of the deck as I travel from one end to the other and back again. "Please don't hurt her. I know you said you're only a placeholder in Charlie's life, but she cares about you. It may be surface level, as you believe, but I've loved that girl nearly half my life, Alek. She chose you for a reason."
"I make her feel safe, Keaton. I'm not stupid. I know Charlie cares about me. She's not the type of person to sleep with someone if she didn't, but she also knows I'm no threat to her heart. Yes, it's possible I can hurt her, but I'll never be able to destroy her as you did. That's why she chose me, man. Because neither me nor any other guy is ever going to get close enough to risk that happening again. I'm safe. You, Keaton, are not."
"And that's the biggest thing I need to prove to her, other than how remorseful I am," I state with realization.
"Ding, ding, ding. Give the dude a cookie, folks," Alek mutters. "There's still no guarantee, but if you want to work on getting your girl back, prove that she's safe with this new version of you. You'll get the chance to start tomorrow. Got to get back to the meeting. Later, man."
I drop back down into my patio chair with a groan. Sure, I want to see Charlie. I always want to see her, but it feels like it's been so long since I've sat in front of her face-to-face, and I'm goddamn terrified. I've been working a lot on myself to change the person I was into the person I want to be, but I don't know if she'll be able to see it when she looks at me. The last thing I want to do is cause Charlie any more pain than I already have. Alek has spent the last six months with her, so I'm going to trust him when it comes to my butterfly. He's not going to want to see her hurt any more than I do.
Blowing out a breath, I lean my head back against the chair and gaze up at the stars. That's another hard part about all of this. The fact that another man is in a position to help make decisions with Charlie. I accept it, just like I do with any of the consequences I've come across since I cheated on Charlie, but as Lionel has said, I'm also allowed to admit the parts that hurt me too, as long as I acknowledge that I'm the reason for the hurt I'm feeling.
Fuck. I suppose while I'm sitting here in the dark admitting things to the creatures of the night, I might as well admit that there's a part of me that fucking wants to lay into Alek's pretty boy face and feel his skin splitting beneath my fists.
It's something I'll never do or voice out loud. I will admit it, though. I appreciate the way he's taken care of her over the last six months, but that doesn't mean there's not a part of me that dislikes him for it, too. Is it right? Fuck no. But according to my therapist, it means I'm fucking human.
Holy fuck. Tomorrow, I’ll probably stand face to face with Charlie after months of just orbiting the edges of her world.
My heart glows even as my hands tremble and my eyes sting.
If she agrees. Maybe neither of us is ready, but I can’t pretend I’m not excited—or that I’m not aching to see her again.
It's In Our Eyes
