You know the only thing I've ever wanted for you?
Your happiness.
I still want that for you, even if it isn’t with me.
Does Alek make you happy, Charlie? Will you be able to smile, laugh, or love with him?
I know you might not want to hear it, but if you give Alek a real chance, I think he could make you happy. He’s a good guy, and if I had to pick anyone to help you move on, it would be him. He’s cared about you for a long time, but herespected you enough to keep his distance. It was only when I failed you that he finally stepped in.
I can’t even blame him, Charlie, because you are truly spectacular.
I know, baby. If you’re so incredible, why did I betray you? I wish I had a clear answer, because you deserve one more than anyone. I just don’t—not yet.
I won't stop working or digging until I find the reason for what I did. Lionel says we're making good progress, so hopefully, I'll have answers soon.
Fuck. This letter is a mess, just like my thoughts. I’m not sure I’ll write again after this, but I needed to get it all out. Maybe theseletters aren’t helping either of us, and for that, I’m sorry. It’s time I stop being selfish.
It’s okay to move on, butterfly. It’s okay to find happiness beyond me, to rediscover love, laughter, and reasons to smile. I took those from you in a selfish way, and all I want now is for you to reclaim them.
I don’t know if you know, but someone sent me a picture of you and Alek kissing. It hurt—God, it hurt—but here’s the surprising part: I was happy for you. Happy that I hadn’t broken you so much that you couldn’t let someone else in. Even as I fought back my own anger, seeing that joy on your face was bittersweet.
I love you, Charlie. Fuck, I love you so much. And because I do, I’m giving you the space you’ve asked for. You deserve to live your life without me lingering in thebackground. I’ll keep working on myself and searching for the answers I owe us both.
Find your happiness, Charlie. Find your smile, your joy, your laughter. Keep seeing beauty in the world and sharing your light with everyone around you. Sing off-key, tell silly jokes that make you giggle, dance in the rain. Go on dates, chase wild passion, and above all, find love, butterfly.
Love deeply and be wildly happy. That’s all I wish for you in this world.
Maybe one day I’ll be worthy of your light again. If not, I’ll hold tight to the memories of the brightness you brought into my life.
Forever your dragon,
Keaton
A Walk I Don't Want To Remember
Keaton | The Past
"Areyoureadytoface that day, Keaton?" Lionel asks as he taps his pen against the notepad in his lap in a hypnotic rhythm.
I catch the small flinch he tries to hide when my laugh comes out sharp and bitter. "Am I ready to face the day I shattered the most incredible woman alive? Of course. That’s exactly why I buried every last bit of it so fucking deep inside my mind that I don’t remember anything about it."
He shoots me a sharp look, reprimanding me for my sarcasm. "There is no pity for the wounds you've inflicted, Keaton."
Scrubbing my palms over my face harshly, I blow out a deep breath. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize to me. For the shit you've put you and Charlie through, you're making better progress than I'd expected."
Lionel’s bluntness still catches me off guard. Some might call him unprofessional, but for me, it’s a relief. His straightforwardness makes it easier to let my guard down. Before I betrayed Charlie, therapy was unthinkable. I couldbarely talk to her about my feelings, let alone spill them to a stranger. But after I crossed that line, I knew pretending I was fine wouldn’t cut it. The moment my mind snapped back in that pool house, I realized something was brokeninsideme. People say cheaters have a hole in their soul. I never believed that about myself until then. I thought I was whole, happy, and loved.
If that was the truth, there was no way in hell I'd be able to cheat on Charlie.
Last week, we dug into my so-called friendship with Rianna. Lionel echoed what Charlie, Amelia, and everyone else had hammered into me. I spent a year tangled in an emotional affair. I still can’t fully accept it. Maybe I’m blind now that the affair fog, as Lionel calls it, has lifted. Or maybe there was never anything real there at all. The truth is, Rianna never held a candle to Charlie. There wasn’t a single thing I wanted from her that I didn’t already have with my girl.
Lionel suggested it might just be complacency, and part of me agrees. But there’s a gnawing feeling that it was something more. What was I chasing? Why did I let myself cross that line with Rianna? Why did I do the one thing I knew would strip away my self-control after the way she acted toward me that day? Did I actually want it? Was I secretly trying to blow up my life with Charlie for some idiotic reason I can’t even remember, too cowardly to end things with words?
The questions slam against my brain.
"Where'd you go just now, Keaton?"
