It’s pure madness.
If these other guys weren’t pressing charges with me, I doubt we’d ever hold her accountable.
I just wish I knew how much longer this would drag on. I need it over so I can finally try to make things right with Charlie.
If that's even possible.
Alek’s been waiting in the shadows, ready to catch Charlie the moment she lets him. After all these years, I can see she’s close to giving in. I want to beg her not to, but that’s not my place anymore.
Plus, I'd be a hypocritical son of a bitch if I tried pulling that.
All I can do is watch from the sidelines as their friendship deepens, hoping against hope she doesn’t choose him.
Fuck.
I don't want to watch her with anyone, especially not Alek. Just thinking about it has chills breaking out, and my stomach cramps with nausea. And that's just thinking about it. I don't even want to know what my reaction will be if I have to see him getting everything that I want.
Her touches, her kisses, her whispered words, her love.
All the things that once belonged to me.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, an unknown number lighting up the screen. I shouldn’t open it. It’s only ever been one person lately. No matter how many times I block her, she always finds a new way to worm back in.
It takes a second for the image to register, and when it does, I barely make it to the trash can before I’m heaving up my lunch.
Fucking pathetic.
Charlie saw me with another girl and didn’t lose her composure, but here I am, doubled over a trash can just from seeing her kiss someone else.
Once I'm sure nothing else is coming up, I pull my shirt off and wipe my mouth before tossing it into the garbage and sitting back on my calves. Grabbing the phone, I zoom in on the picture to check the details a little more objectively.
It’s almost impossible, but I manage. Or at least, I pretend I do.
Charlie’s got Alek’s tie wrapped around her hand, leaning over the counter to meet his mouth. Her eyes are closed, her face relaxed in pleasure. Alek’s eyes stay open, hungry, like he’s afraid to blink and miss a second.
That’s a man who knows he’s exactly where he wants to be, with the only person he wants.
The longer I stare, the tighter my chest squeezes, black spots flickering at the edges of my vision. My breath comes in ragged bursts, rattling in my chest.
This picture drives the knife in deeper. I never even kissed Rianna. Kissing is too intimate, too sacred. Charlie would never believe that, but it’s true. Seeing her share that with Alek tells me she’s serious about moving on. It burrows into my chest and twists.
Holy shit.
The world turns blurry as tears fill my eyes. I fucked up so badly. Every day, the truth hits harder, like a punch I never see coming.
Honestly, if it wasn't for my therapist, my parents, or Brock and Kayla, the couple that works at the shop with me, I don't know where the hell my mind would be.
Writing the letters Lionel has me do helps me process. I’ve never been good at expressing feelings. I always managed to show my love, but talking openly always made me nervous.
Maybe that’s where things started to crack—my inability to open up, to actually talk.
Charlie was always the one who wasn't afraid of that stuff.
I don't know why I'm that way. My parents have one of the most loving relationships I've ever seen, aside from Charlie's parents'. They're always big on communication, so why the hell did I develop the inability to do it?
It's just another item on Lionel's long list of things for us to touch on. 'Course it's down the list a way because there's so much other bullshit we have to dig into first. Shit I never thought was wrong with me.
Wiping away the tears, trying to erase the evidence, I push myself to my feet.
