The message bubble appears again, and I wait, holding my breath. She could tell me to eat shit and I’d still be grateful, because as long as she’s talking, there’s hope I can fix this.
MY BUTTERFLY
And Carr? Right now, I don’t like anything you tell me.
A pathetic sigh escapes when she uses my last name. It’s her wall, separating the boy she loved from the man who broke her.
ME
What time should I prepare for the punch to my throat?
MY BUTTERFLY
Stop trying to be cute. All it does is remind me of the times you were that way with her. Be there in an hour. I’ll wait five minutes before I leave. You get ten minutes of my time, Carr. You’re lucky I’m meeting you at all, so I’d use them wisely.
I blow out a shaky breath and rake a hand through my hair as grim acceptance roots itself inside me.
I’ll take whatever scraps I can get.
Something tells me I'm going to be reminding myself of that for a long time because I've still got so far to go to make up for what I did.
??
On my way to Grinders, I notice people aren’t avoiding me anymore. They don’t start conversations, but I get the occasional nod, a silent acknowledgment.
Pulling open the doors to the coffee shop, I’m met with the same cautious reactions. My shoulders loosen a little. A few people shoot me dirty looks, and I meet them with my own silent apologies as I head to the counter.
It’s more grace than I deserve, and I know Charlie is the reason. I watched her speech in the mess hall, felt the pain in every word. I hate that she had to bare herself like that. I would have taken any punishment, just so she wasn’t the only one hurting. Still, I’m grateful for the mercy she offered, even though she didn’t owe me a thing.
After ordering drinks for Charlie, Amelia, and me, I find a seat with a view of the door. Normally, I'd go for a booth that gives us privacy, but I lost the right to that type of intimacy with her. It's not like my cheating and the possibility of catching somethingisn't public knowledge, anyway. Rianna made sure of the latter, and my stupidity is the reason for the former.
Jerica sits with her boyfriend, Reggie, and I avoid looking their way. The heat of her dislike prickles my skin. I can’t blame her. Rianna slept with her last boyfriend, too.
She'd like nothing more than to chop off my nuts and have them framed up in town for all the world to see.
—Here lie the nuts of Keaton Carr. A man who was stupid enough to fuck around and find out.—
My sad chuckle melts into the low hum of conversation, the grind of coffee beans, and the sharp hiss of espresso machines. I close my eyes and breathe in the familiar scents, memories of waiting for Charlie to finish her shift flooding back. People always gravitated to her, like wanderers drawn to a fire after too long in the cold.
Charlie is woven into every part of my life, so deep it’s impossible to understandwhyI did what I did. When did I get so weak that I became just another cheating statistic?
Charlie deserves better than me. Better than the guy I was, and the one I am now.
I'm sure Alek would love nothing more than to slide right into that position. He's been nosing after my girl since we started at Granite Bay University. I've never worried about Charlie with another guy. I was always secure in the knowledge of her love for me.
I drop my head into my hands as the truth finally hits. I took her and her love for granted. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of who Charlie was and what she meant to me.
My eyes burn as tears gather. How did I lose sight of the most beautiful person in my world?
God, I’ve fucked up worse than I ever thought possible. I’ll spend my life making amends for the damage I caused. Charlie is my priority, but she’s not the only one I hurt. Amelia, herparents, my parents—they’re all names on the list of people I need to make peace with.
My phone pings with an incoming message, and I flip it over, expecting to see something from Charlie, but it's a number I don't recognize.
UNKNOWN
Why r u ignoring me, Keaton? We don’t have 2 hide from her anymore & we can finally b 2gether, baby.
This is what we’ve been waiting on since we met.
