I have nothing left to say. I’m empty, wrung out. Just being near him is tearing me apart, and I can’t take it any longer.
"Don’t forget to get checked and make an appointment with a therapist. That’s a good first step. Goodbye, Keaton."
"I love you, Charlie Renea Henderson. That ain't ever changing, and I'm going to prove it to you."
"Yeah, and I just wish I could believe you," I whisper, too softly for him to hear.
Who am I without Keaton Carr?
I have no damn clue, and I’m not sure I’m ready to find out. But now, I don’t have a choice.
Disease Infested Dick
Charlie | The Past
Forthefirsttimeever, I find myself clinging to the unfamiliar comfort of this borrowed bed, as if its sheets could shield me from the humiliation waiting outside. Out there, everyone knows Keaton cheated. I doubt anyone’s shocked. Most of them have been watching Keaton and Rianna with raised eyebrows since day one. Crawling out from under these covers means stepping into another day where the boy I loved like a fool has shattered me in the worst way imaginable.
Does Amelia know that she's got dirty fingerprints on this wall? She should really wash those off.
My eyes sting so fiercely that I have no choice but to finally blink away the ache.
Maybe I should be grateful the bastard picked Friday to screw her. At least I got two days to patch myself together before facing the sea of whispers and pitying stares at school.
There's a soft knock on the door, and then Amelia pushes it open. She steps in and her eyes roll over me; her face carefullyblank as she takes in the messy state I'm in. Her icy-blue eyes become glossy, but she doesn't let them fall, which I'm grateful for. I cry enough at night.
Amelia takes a seat on the bed. "It's Monday, which means we have to, unfortunately, head to campus for class. I know it's the last thing you want to do right now, but I also know that you'll kick yourself in the ass if you fall behind this close to graduation. I can't help you with your heart, Char, but I can help with this. What do you say about hopping in the shower and then doing your makeup and hair? I'll grab you the sexiest school-appropriate outfit I can find between our closets. We'll load you up on armor so that they don't get the satisfaction of seeing this version of you. That's what they want. They want to see you bleeding out at their feet." She pauses, lost in thought for a minute, before finishing softly, "She does anyway."
Amelia’s right. Rianna is practically perched, waiting to feast on the wreckage she helped create. After more than a year, she’s finally clawed her way to the spot she’s always wanted. If I let her see me crumble, she wins, and I refuse to hand her that victory.
Amelia's lips curl to the side, and she stands, holding her hand out. "There's my best friend."
My smile is a pale imitation of itself, tight and shaky, but at least I’m making the effort.
I'm trying to live.
I'm trying to smile.
I'm trying to fucking breathe.
There's this weight that sits on my chest, and it never leaves. It's a reminder that my nightmares are real and that even the people you love the most can betray you the worst.
But it also reminds me I'm a lot stronger than I believe I am. It reminds me that they have power over me only if I choose to give it to them.
And I don't.
I don't fucking give them the power.
So, even though I know I'm going to face shit I don't want to when I walk onto campus, I climb out of bed and head into the bathroom.
My first glimpse into the mirror breaks my heart.
Who is this girl staring back at me?
My lilac hair is a greasy, tangled mess, and no amount of concealer could mask the hollow, bruised eyes staring back at me.
Here stands the ghost of Charlie Henderson.
That's what it feels like as I observe my reflection.
