CHAPTER 1
Rebecca
The voice was urgent and low. “Rebecca.”
For a moment she wanted to dream it back to its neat little corner, the flat slate-blue landscape where she’d been safe, floating on air, moments before.
But then the beeps came, and the soft intermittent puffs. The hum from a machine to her right, or behind her. The cold antiseptic smell that twitched at her nostrils, tickled her throat. Her body ached everywhere. Rebecca cracked open an eye, then shut it just as quickly.
Oh, dear God. What have I done?
The hospital. It was all coming back to her now. She wiggled a toe, just enough that she could feel the tight sheets tug and press against the top of her ankle. A finger next. Movement was good. Movement meant she’d be okay. Of course she’d be okay. She had to be.
“Rebecca Chastain.”
Louder now.
She steeled herself. She wouldn’t think about it. Not yet. There was plenty of time for that.
“Mmpf.” The word felt odd on her tongue, and she swallowedpast the dry mouth, squinted as she tried to sit up. The room was at once too bright and just right.
The nurse stood at the foot of her bed, a helmet-haired thirty-something with gray eyes far too close together, her yellow scrubs dotted with tiny farm animals. She moved to Rebecca’s side, keeping a firm hand on Rebecca’s collarbone—settle down—as she pressed a lever on the bed.
The room went from far off to front-and-center in an instant.
“Do you know why you’re here?” The nurse’s voice was softer now, no trace of impatience.
Rebecca’s heart began to pound. She nodded. “Th-the pills.” Her voice sounded nothing like her own, like she was either twelve years old or sixty.
“Thirty of them, to be exact. You’re very lucky they found you.” The nurse fluffed the pillows behind her, added a small one behind her neck. “Up for visitors?”
Rebecca’s expression must have said it all.
The nurse tsked, but it was a good-natured tsk. “Your granny just stepped out for some coffee. She’ll be back in a moment.”
Granny. Rebecca eyes filled with tears. Stupid. Stupid to think she could do this, this one ridiculous thing, and keep it from the people she loved. Of course Granny was here. Her parents, too. Of course they would be. And Sarah, and Marisol.
She looked at the nurse, unable to form the words.
And Peter.
Oh, please. Please not Peter.
All she’d wanted was sleep, escape. Silence.
Now everything she feared was crashing in around her like a massive wave, as if she were six years old again, floundering beneath the surface, unable to break free.
The tears came, coursing down her cheeks, ugly thick tears that made her eyes swim and her lips swell. Her breath came out inawful, hoarse, hiccupping sobs.
“There, there, honey.” The nurse stood close, patted her back.
Rebecca found herself resting her head on the woman’s soft bosom, cradled in her fleshy arms as if she’d done this a thousand times before.
The nurse fished atop the table and handed over a tissue. “Here.”
Rebecca mopped at her face, grabbed for another tissue.
“I bet you’re one relieved lady,” the nurse said over her head.
