“I got it, Hov,” I muttered.
He didn’t argue and just ran around to the driver’s side and started the engine. During the drive, he kept reaching across the console, trying to hold my hand, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to feel anything except the hope that maybe, all of this was just a nightmare.
When we finally got home, I didn’t even bother to take off my coat. I kicked off my shoes at the door and collapsed onto the couch, numb from the mental agony I felt.
Hov stood in the doorway for a moment, watching me, before walking over and sitting beside me. He gently stroked his hand through my hair, his touch soft, almost like he was afraid I might break if he touched me too hard.
“You okay?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said quietly. “I don’t know what happened, but I swear to you, I’ll fix it. I’ll make this right.”
I finally lifted my head to look at him, the tears streaming down my face. “Fix it? How do you fix this, Hov? How do you fix the fact that we lost our baby?”
“I know it hurts. I know it’s unfair. But I promise, this isn’t the end. We will have another baby. We will make it through this.”
I shook my head, the grief overwhelming.
“This is the second time in the matter of a month, Hov. First, the shooting at the Courthouse, and now this. When will it end?”
Hov’s eyes softened, his hands rubbing my back in slow circles. “I know, baby. But this is just a setback. We’ll get through it, I swear. But you’ve got to stay strong.”
“Just tell me, are we going to be okay here? Tell me if this is life with you and I? Are we constantly going to be ducking from gunfire? Running for our lives?” I whispered, my voice breaking.
“No, we won’t be, and I promise that you and our future kids are going to be safe.”
“How? Don’t you think it’s too dangerous to raise a family here? Don’t you think we should leave the city and never look back?”
He paused, then shook his head. “No. We don’t run from any problems. We deal with them. You know that.”
I stood up and walked over to the TV, turning it off because I couldn’t handle the noise. The memories of the party still haunted me. The sound of gunfire, the chaos, the fear I saw in people’s faces.
“I can’t do this anymore, Hov,” I said quietly, my voice filled with exhaustion. “I can’t keep living like this. You can say that you got me, and we will be fine, but I’m scared, and I feel left in the dark about a lot of shit.”
He walked over and stood behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist.
“Baby, I need you to trust me. I told you I would make it right. I just need some time.”
I closed my eyes, turning and resting my head on his chest.
“How much time, Hov?”
“A month. Just a month of me back in the streets and I’ll take care of everything. And after that, you’ll be safe. I promise.”
I looked up into his eyes.
“I don’t want you to go back to that life. I can’t lose you to the grave or jail, Hov.”
“You won’t lose me, Ciara,” he said softly, brushing the hair from my face.
“I’m doing this for you. For us. For the future we are going to have. Just give me a month, baby, and no nigga will ever feel they can fuck with me, especially when you're around. They will know of the hell I’m going to bring down on their pussy asses if they do.”
“Okay Hov, whatever you say.”
I had no choice but to hold on to the promise that he would come back to me, that we would make it through this.
“I wanted this baby so badly, Hov. I wanted our family to be complete,” I cried into his chest.
