Once I was done with her hands, I told her to have a seat in the kitchen while I went into my front guest room because my heart was telling me to do something else for her.
This room looked like a completely different space inside, and I didn't let anyone in here, not even Hov on his pop-in visits, which came every so often. This was the place I'd created for peace. The one place I would come to make all the voices in my head go away. This room didn’t seem like it was anywhere I would be. It looked almost out of place in this plain ass apartment that I hadn’t put much work into. This room, however, was set up from top to bottom, and each piece in here meant something; each piece brought me a feeling I couldn’t quite describe.
A woven rug I'd bought from a Black Arts festival years ago stretched across most of the floor; the colors were faded, but not the energy radiating from it. There was also a small, low table sitting up next to the covered window, and the only light in the room came from the salt lava lamps in each corner. The air was heavy with the scents of sage, tobacco, cedarwood, and the homemade eucalyptus candles my neighbor made for me. Of course, with all the burning and meditating I’d done in here, the room was heavy with a scent of smoke. But it wasn't weed smoke, it was the kind that cleaned the air, the kind that kept my mind clear.
I first learned of this form of meditation from my neighbor, Ms. Diya, who stopped me in the hallway one day because she said I had a weighted spirit around me. She asked me about my religion, and I told her I was Christian because at the time, that's all I ever knew to be. She pulled me inside her apartment and told me how she was from the Mohawk Tribe, and that she grew up with them until she was over eighteen. At that age, she said that she was young and reckless, ready to get out and explore the world that she hadn’t seen very much of. She told me that on her 18th birthday, she packed her bags, left the reservation, and came to Brooklyn. Here she got mixed up in inner city problems,getting into drugs, prostitution, and was even locked up for a couple of years. She got her shit together eventually. Realized that the city life she thought she was missing out on was no good for her and wanted to get back to her roots. However, the strict ass Mohawk tribe wouldn't allow her to return, so she decided to practice her beliefs on her own and bring herself inner peace alone.
That day inside her apartment, Ms. Diya made me kneel on the floor next to her, she lit a few pieces of sage, a bowl of cedar wood, and played a sound from her speakers that felt like it was invading my fuckin soul. Once I got into it, that shit felt almost better inside than some of the best nuts I’ve had to date. When I left her apartment that day, I was a firm believer in smudging and making spirits and bad thoughts leave my mind.
On my table, in front of me, sat a brass incense burner, still warm from the last session I had. There was a tray of smooth black stones that I kept to center my thoughts, and a wooden bowl of water sitting off to the side, which was my reminder to stay clear, focused, and balanced.
I grabbed the torch from the table and lit each candle, which, in my mind, served a different purpose. There was one for Peace, one for strength, forgiveness, and silence. This was a part of my life that no one, even my mother, knew about, but I was about to share it for the first time. I hope Bria feels what I feel from it, and doesn’t make me regret letting her in. I know for sure that if she pushes back on what I’m trying to teach her, then I will probably never open up about this shit again.
Chapter 8
Bria
I'm not sure why Crew pulled me into this room, covered in candles and scents that instantly took over my nostrils. I looked around the room, not knowing whether to be scared or intrigued by all the shit he had in here. This place mimicked some kind of praying shrine, and I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t freaked out just a little.
“What is this room for?”
“It’s to get rid of all those thoughts that I am sure are running through your head right now. Come sit down with me.”
He gently guided me to the middle of the floor in front of the lone table in the room. Crew grabbed two sticks of what I’m guessing was sage from a metallic black bowl, and then he lit the items inside the bowl before handing me one of the sticks of sage.
“Is this something to do with your religion?”
“Sort of. Just keep quiet and try not to think. Let the smoke take all the thoughts away from you. Both good and bad. Trust me. A clear mind is even better than a mind with good thoughts.” He looked over at me with those same low seductive eyes that I stared into in the club that day.
Crew sat the sage down on a wooden ladle that held it in the air and took mine to do the same.
“What are we going to do now?”
“Shhh. This room is simply for existing. Don’t think about what’s next.”
I closed my eyes even tighter because the peace that took over his face, I wanted to.
We both sat there for a while, quiet, relaxing, and I was trying not to think, until I wasn’t having to try at all. After a while of the silence, my mind cleared and I didn't have one thought, worry, or fear creeping in. It was weird at first, but then I went deeper and deeper into my relaxation.
This was the inner peace I'd longed for all these years introduced itself to me. It showed me for years that even when I didn't recognize it, I was a worrier.
Worrying about my sister when she would sneak out at night, and I was too scared to tell Mama that she was gone. Worrying about my brother and how he was doing being locked up with criminals that I was practicing law to defend. I think worrying has always been a part of my DNA, but now I know that I can fix that. One day at a time.
When Crew finally stood up from the floor, he had to shake my arm just to get me to snap out of the trance I was in.
"The Sage has burned out," he stretched his tall frame.
"How are you feeling now?"
I smiled shyly. "I feel okay. I feel better."
"You do?"
"Yeah, I mean, this was really peaceful. I've been to dozens of spas around New York, and none have quite had the vibes thislittle room has. It's interesting in here." I gazed around the room once more.
"I wouldn't expect any of this from you, Crew."
"There are a lot of things people wouldn't expect out of me, Bria, but I like that. I don’t want anyone to have me figured out,"
