‘Can I help?’ she asks.
‘My grandad! Timothy Wild. He was admitted—’
‘Bed twenty-eight. I’ll take you there.’
Isla and I follow her through the men’s ward. Grandad is in the corner bed. I have to fight back tears when I see him, asleep, wearing his oldpyjamas, a drip attached to his frail arm. Bella is sitting on a chair by his side. She gets up and hugs us both. The doctor fills me in briefly on the medication they have administered to Grandad, along with the drip for dehydration. ‘I’m afraid his condition is critical,’ she says, ‘but I’ll give you a couple of minutes to yourselves.’
I nod, before turning to Bella. ‘Thank you,’ I say, ‘for being there for him.’
‘That’s all right. Lucas is on his way too,’ she reassures me.
The moment I touch Grandad’s hand, he slowly opens his eyes and smiles weakly at me. ‘Oh, January,’ he says. ‘Little Isla.’
Isla comes forward and kisses him softly on the cheek. ‘Hello Great-grandpops,’ she says, tearfully, before Bella takes her hand and says, ‘Let’s give your mother a little moment on her own.’ They leave the ward, Bella telling me they’ll find the canteen and get some coffee and a juice for Isla. I sit down next to Grandad, my hand still clasping his. He grips it with as much strength as he has. ‘Not feeling – my – best,’ he says, his speech slurred and his beautiful face twisted, attempting a smile.
‘Shush. Rest.’ I stroke his hand, not wanting him to exert himself. It’s enough to be by his side.
‘January,’ he battles on. ‘Soon I can… I can be with them.’
I squeeze his hand.
‘It’s one of the hardest things.’ Long pause. ‘Losing a child.’ He’s fighting for breath.
‘Oh, Grandad.’
‘But we gained you. I am so…’ He gulps. ‘So very proud.’
I rest my head gently against his chest, my tears dampening his pyjama top. ‘I love you. I love you so much and won’t ever forget what you did for Lucas and me. I love you with all my heart. Don’t go yet. Please don’t go. Thank you, thank you for being the best. I might not have had my parents, but I had you and Granny and that made me the luckiest girl in the world.’
‘Thank… you,’ Grandad says weakly. ‘Lucas?’
‘He’s coming, he’s coming Grandad.’
Grandad makes only a sound now, but I know he understands.
When I lift my head his eyes are closed. He looks peaceful.
‘Grandad?’
‘Grandad!’ Lucas rushes over to us. ‘How is he, Jan?’
I move aside. ‘Not good.’
Lucas sits beside him. ‘Grandad? It’s me.’ Slowly Grandad opens his eyes. ‘My boy.’
Lucas presses a hand against his forehead, clearly in turmoil and unable to believe his health has deteriorated so quickly. ‘Don’t leave us,’ Lucas says, his voice merely a whisper. ‘Please don’t go.’
‘You’ll be… fine.’
Lucas shakes his head. ‘I haven’t been a good son, I’ve never thanked you enough for everything you’ve done for me, but that doesn’t mean… that doesn’t mean I don’t… I don’t…’
Grandad taps his hand. ‘I love… you.’ He closes his eyes.
‘I love you too.’ There is a long silence. ‘Grandad, I’ll never forget the time you taught me to drive and all the fun we had playing chess – and that time when you stripped off and swam in the sea – Grandad?’ Lucas touches his arm. ‘Grandad?’
I rush to the other side of the bed, take Grandad’s limp hand. He can’t be – I’m not ready. Lucas presses the buzzer, ‘Grandad!’ he calls out. ‘Nurse! Nurse! Grandad!’ My brother turns to me. ‘He’s gone’ he says, his voice choked. ‘Oh, January, he’s gone.’
But I press the buzzer again. I keep on pressing it until Lucas pulls me away and takes me into his arms.
